The Top

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Trigger happy

By Anonymous - 13/06/2020 05:00

Today, I was shot and arrested for trespassing. I'm a firefighter and I was saving a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 423

You deserved it 121

This is your brain under capitalism

By dean - 23/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I'm an ectomorph who struggles to gain, let alone maintain weight. Our politicians made food so much more expensive in the last three years, I can no longer afford a consistent amount of protein and to fill my fridge with vegetables. I can barely afford to make balanced meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 164

Oldest trick in the book

By Anonymous - 22/12/2022 15:00

Today, I have to admit I sometimes snoop in my daughter's room, but she must have realised this because she has started laying booby traps for me. I'm currently in the ER getting fishing hooks removed from my hand after she taped them to a mousetrap and left the mousetrap inside her desk drawer. I deserve it but, FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 2 263

By Danny - 12/09/2018 20:30

Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not only was my boyfriend a liar, but that he is also married, and has been for 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 139

You deserved it 282

Mr Empathy

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 20:00

Today, over the past 48 hours, my husband has ignored a dog with a broken leg, because, “It’s not our dog, so it’s not our problem,” and also ignored a young lost boy crying for his mother in Asda, because, “He’s not our son, so who cares?” I think I want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 275

Chilly

By Anonymous - 27/07/2020 23:03

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 235

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 148

Don't follow by example

By scooterbyrd - 31/08/2020 02:01

Today, I found out the psychiatrist who treats me for bipolar disorder died. He committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 070

You deserved it 147

Little devil

By anerdmom - 18/10/2018 14:00

Today, while dropping my son off at the bus stop before school, I went to give him a kiss on the cheek. Then, before I was able to make contact, he jumped away, yelled "PSYCH!!!!" as loud as he could, and jumped on the bus. The kids all laughed at me and the other parents looked embarrassed for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 936

You deserved it 372

By Noname - 06/03/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488 675

You deserved it 106 904

Don't know, don't care

By All a hoax - 25/10/2020 20:05 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my boss still won't believe in climate change, and won't do anything to reduce our carbon footprint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 534

Fair bargain, actually

By Glee fanatic - 04/04/2023 18:00

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I'd put him on a six-month sex ban if he didn't binge watch Glee with me. He took the sex ban without hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 2 083

Music is music

By So boringgggggggg - 27/03/2026 12:00

Today, over the last year, my husband has gone from listening to normal people music to constantly listening to boring classical music thanks to his new coworkers. We went to a work party and he spent half the time debating dead white composer men. LISTEN TO REAL MUSIC, YOU WEIRDO! FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 997

By ken - 03/12/2018 15:30

Today, I took my girlfriend to a festival. The very first thing we saw when we got there was a guy being wheeled away by paramedics. She freaked out and demanded we leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 319

By Iceicebaby - 16/02/2017 00:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 217

You deserved it 674

By xoxoblondee - 25/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Valley Village

Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 274

You deserved it 1 179

Chafing hell

By joonsson - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to get an EKG device attached for a 24-hour test. Not too bad, but I have to wear a string vest over it, and every time I move, it chafes something crazy. My nipples in particular. Only 22 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 471

You deserved it 360

By CyberHex305 - 01/04/2017 16:00

Today, I went to Men's Warehouse to pick up my tux. They mistakenly set the pick-up date for the 30th of next month. My prom is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 125

You deserved it 505

Technology hates humans

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 305

Never gonna happen

By Fuck the rich - 23/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Norfolk

Today, my dad explained to me that it's actually a "good thing" that we have a trillionaire in America now, because he builds rockets, and those are cool or something. WEALTH. TAX. NOW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 276

By Notthekeytosuccess - 12/04/2017 00:00

Today, I broke my key unlocking my dorm room. When I pushed the door open in frustration, the door opened with no problem. Turns out it was unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 600

You deserved it 1 724

By Beesmakemerun - 10/04/2017 04:00

Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 292

You deserved it 565

By brokebitch - 09/05/2019 06:00

Today, being a broke college student struggling to make ends meet, I decided to sign up for a sugar daddy website. The first person to message me was my high school history teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 1 325

Toxic masculinity

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 17:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, it was one of those rare occasions I wore shorts. The first thing my male cousin said was, "Why so sexy?” Misogyny is why I don’t wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 730

The FML Showdown!

By Louis - 12/04/2017 21:30 - France - Paris

If you're on vacation, you'll be wondering if your diving skills are up to scratch. Check out the competition in this video.

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 137

The I in LGBTQA+

By Anonymous - 25/01/2021 05:02

Today, like every day, I'm an intersex woman. I can't orgasm, have no vagina, and can't have my own kids. Every new partner I have requires an embarrassing explanation and biology lesson because no one knows what intersex means, even though it's quite common. At least I don't get periods? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 336

Slip of the tongue

By Just Awkward - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 926

You deserved it 1 558

Which side are you on?

By FMyCountry - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, during a football match, the referee declared a goal as invalid. The dad of the kid who scored didn't agree, which led to an all-out fight among all the kids' parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 169

You deserved it 313

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 14:01

Today, I poured myself a glass of Coke from the bottle in the fridge. While drinking it, I saw tiny pieces floating in it. Apparently, my boyfriend had drunk straight from the bottle in the morning, felt sick and threw up. He then put the bottle back in the fridge. I just drank my boyfriend's vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 14/05/2017 21:00 - France

Today, I had a job interview. After two hours of commute, thirty minutes filling out questionnaires, and fifteen minutes of actual interview, the recruiter told me the post had already been filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 784

You deserved it 271

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, a lady on the subway sat next to me. She kept huffing and burping and was holding a plastic bag. I couldn't even finish the thought, "please don't puke on me" because she puked on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 999

You deserved it 185

Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 278

Today, I found out that I have a heart disease. When I went to tell my family, they all said that it should kill me faster so that I can donate my organs to my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 105

Today, my family has begun preparations for my dad's birthday party. We figured out that the closest date that will work is the fifth of June. Also today, I got a letter in the mail. I have jury duty. Take a wild guess what day it's on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 94

Today, I waved at a baby in a stroller whilst walking past a pub's beer garden. The baby didn't wave back. Instead, the 'mum' turned around and said, 'Why are you waving at my bag?' I then realised that it wasn't a baby stroller, just a big purse with a blanket over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 403

Today, I came in to work to hand in my resignation. The minute I walked in, my manager took me aside and said he wanted to talk to me in private. He then cancelled my position and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 97