By CoronaDating - 23/3/2020 23:10

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1361

You deserved it

401

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Out of it

Gas giant

By VroomVroom - 4/3/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77841

You deserved it

3485

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47858

You deserved it

3817

Tweet

Share

By RIP - 8/11/2019 08:00 - United States - Lambertville

Troublemaker

Today at 10:00 pm, someone rang my doorbell 4 times, while I was sleeping. I thought it was an emergency and I opened the door to my neighbor who just want to ask if I had a blackout at noon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1726

You deserved it

131

Tweet

Share

By stepsister - 10/6/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, I met my soon-to-be step mother. My dad was right, we had a lot in common. Including our birth year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57362

You deserved it

4056

Tweet

Share

By luckygirl - 13/10/2015 16:20 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29521

You deserved it

6186

Tweet

Share

By princess - 8/9/2018 13:00

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2854

You deserved it

351

Tweet

Share

By BugDTV - 27/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to open my store but corporate had changed the locks without notice. The store's being sold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2799

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By Debbie3247 - 7/7/2017 08:30 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I taught a high school class on public speaking. When I explained how important it was for a presentation to be polished and professional, one kid asked, "Is it professional for your skirt to be tucked into your underwear? I didn't know they made My Little Pony panties for adults." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5173

You deserved it

2112

Tweet

Share

By Mini-wanker - 18/10/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57331

You deserved it

8812

Tweet

Share

By roundemup - 11/2/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23561

You deserved it

5179

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2009 14:25 - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11571

You deserved it

36047

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 01:00 - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, I was rehearsing for a school play. My drama teacher keeps criticising the part where I fake-trip, saying I make it look terribly fake. During today's rehearsal, I actually tripped for real, and smashed my kneecaps against the floor with a scream. He still said my "acting" sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34381

You deserved it

2883

Tweet

Share

By sadpoorlady - 22/6/2013 09:22 - United Kingdom - Appley Bridge

Today, my boyfriend used the "this isn't working, we need to talk" line on me. How nice of him to wait this long to do so, just days after we returned from the expensive Caribbean holiday that I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50727

You deserved it

4958

Tweet

Share

By ijustwannaplaymymusic - 27/5/2016 04:40 - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12073

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 18:46 - United States

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33025

You deserved it

2775

Tweet

Share

By KMAC - 16/3/2010 20:14 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancé is in a long distance relationship with his ex. Not only do we live on the same island, he's also my neighbor and my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30294

You deserved it

3301

Tweet

Share

By cockroach - 27/9/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41200

You deserved it

16676

Tweet

Share

By Marine - 28/3/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of over a year a text message telling him how much I loved him, how perfect he is for me and what I love about him. He sent me back a text saying, "I thought you had class." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58152

You deserved it

8464

Tweet

Share

By Username - 28/3/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50165

You deserved it

5446

Tweet

Share

By crippy - 26/6/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30878

You deserved it

3040

Tweet

Share

By crash and burn - 1/12/2016 09:41 - United States

Today, I moved states to be with my soulmate in our new condo. It was also the day I took out a neighbor's balcony with my U-Haul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8444

You deserved it

2184

Tweet

Share

By NoseInPain - 20/8/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52349

You deserved it

3967

Tweet

Share

By quickfingers100 - 22/5/2011 09:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks

80229

You deserved it

4223

Tweet

Share

By Mad Munki - 7/12/2017 05:00

Today, I went on the best date of my life with someone I’ve admired for a very long time. On the car ride home, she vomited all over my lap and informed me that she’s moving across the country next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4750

You deserved it

339

Tweet

Share

By PlaneGuy - 25/2/2017 01:00 - Reunion - Saint-denis

Today, I was on a plane and a cute girl was getting ready to sit down beside me, but upon making eye contact, she asked to switch seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6120

You deserved it

707

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/5/2009 11:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44443

You deserved it

6795

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 28/11/2013 11:41 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, I found out that since there are 3 people with the same name as me at work, I'm known as "the ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48397

You deserved it

3547

Tweet

Share

By dani0810 - 22/1/2013 11:39 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35103

You deserved it

5466

Tweet

Share

By omnomnom - 5/2/2011 00:29 - Canada

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35732

You deserved it

7885

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/12/2015 11:11 - United States

Today, some wannabe molester actually used the "Do you know who my dad is?!" line on me as I threw him out of a club. Turns out his dad is my boss's brother. I'm now searching for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26976

You deserved it

1963

Tweet

Share

By Lennie Mcfish - 28/8/2018 01:30

Today, I confessed my love to my crush over text. Later, she posted the message I'd sent her on Facebook and wrote "look at the pathetic man". The post had over 50 laugh reacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3432

You deserved it

473

Tweet

Share

By love you too mommy - 27/1/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46365

You deserved it

5234

Tweet

Share

By dan - 25/1/2010 00:50 - Canada

Today, to my surprise my girlfriend said, "I've never felt this way before." We have been dating for six months, and I knew that I loved her, so I replied, "Me neither, I love you." There was a long awkward pause. Turns out, she was talking about her abnormally painful period cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34343

You deserved it

4570

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 11:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11672

You deserved it

35744

Tweet

Share

By 404: Sanity Not Found - 27/1/2016 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend made a patronising post on Facebook, "to all you guys out there" saying how having sex with a drunk person is straight-up, 100% rape. I pointed out that she's had sex with me several times after I've come home drunk. That pissed her off. Now I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26089

You deserved it

5075

Tweet

Share

By Username - 2/10/2019 14:00

Life is a roller coaster

Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1743

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By - 22/1/2020 18:00

Strange noise

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2641

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By zzyx - 22/9/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41538

You deserved it

16787

Tweet

Share

By Lazyuser2849 - 1/6/2016 05:02 - United States - Arlington

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. To this, she said, "You need to meet more people."FML

I agree, your life sucks

13036

You deserved it

988

Tweet

Share

By steph - 1/6/2009 04:50 - Canada

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16267

You deserved it

38091

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Shabnam Moghal | 14

#7891797 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 0:06

Stay at home for the safety of yourself and others! Thank you.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7891820 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 3:50

Just as I was starting to have sex, AIDS showed up.

Don't look to me for sympathy, coronavirus is a temporary and minor cock-block compared to AIDS.

COMMENTS

By Shabnam Moghal | 14

#7891797 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 0:06

Stay at home for the safety of yourself and others! Thank you.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7891820 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 3:50

Just as I was starting to have sex, AIDS showed up.

Don't look to me for sympathy, coronavirus is a temporary and minor cock-block compared to AIDS.

By ojoRojo | 17

#7891848 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 8:20

Hmmm what’s worse, getting super sick or not having sex for a while? I don’t think you deserve it, but it’s for the greater good to not be dating right now. Hope you stay healthy!

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7891947 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 14:47

Get them to go to your house that way you can be in quarantine together

By Sady_Ct | 37

#7892098 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 23:49

Do FaceTime dates... I did this with my husband while we were long distance, and it was a lot of fun!

By newwitch2010 | 11

#7892397 - Wednesday 25 March 2020 23:58

Wow, selfish much?

By clair_brodie | 34

#7893137 - Saturday 28 March 2020 21:41

What part of stay home do people not get? Ydi. Stay the fuck home.

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7893436 - Monday 30 March 2020 2:07

Try dating a first responder, we are less scared of the virus because we are trained to handle it.