Love: Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's... - FML

By Questions - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

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Serious times

Rock, hard place

Roommate from hell

By LameChef - Poland

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

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By Dmessmer1 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

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By WellFineThen - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, at work, a woman screamed at me and called me a bitch because I refused to refund something we give away for free. FML

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By karlajjjjj - United Kingdom - Cold Ashby

Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4 hour drive away, walking past me on the path. I turned my head and called to her, causing me not to notice the pothole in front of me. My front wheel went in and I went over the handlebars. It wasn't even my sister. FML

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By livay315 - United States

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

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By Shinobi_3 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

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By SteveBassist

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

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By TCRII - United States - Springfield

Today, it's the first day of our honeymoon. My bride just informed me that she invited her ex-husband to come, so he can spend time with the kids. He will be here in 4 hours. FML

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By peepa

Today, I finished my last day of job training. At the beginning, the boss had told us to ask as many questions as possible. I was fired because I asked too many questions. FML

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By FML - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

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By steve - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

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By Sasquatch

Today, while showering, I noticed a spider drowning in the bath. Spiders gross me out but I felt a moral duty to save it. Reluctantly, I scooped it up and carried it to safety. Then I realised it was my housemate's pubes. FML

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By Vxale - United States

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

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By Anonymous

#notyourmaid

Today, at work, someone shat outside the bathroom door. Not outside the stall, but in the actual hallway. Guess who got fired for refusing to clean it up! I’m a cashier at a tool supply company and the only female employee. Four dudes refused before I did. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

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By anonymus - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

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By riptoofie - United States

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

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By Chessmomma3

Today, my 18-month-old found our "naughty drawer." I found her carrying a "toy" all over the house. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my recent ex-boyfriend stopped by my house with a well-dressed man. He reached into his pocket and handed me records that "prove" he never cheated on me. Oh, and the man next to him? His lawyer, who gave me a summons to court over payment for the items I smashed when I dumped him. FML

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By TaddM21 - United States - Salem

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

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By lateralligator - Canada - Whitchurch-stouffville

Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2021 14:01

Taking sides

Today, after months of not wanting anything to do with her dad, my three-year-old was over her phase. During dinner, I play-shoved my husband and he did it back. Our daughter saw him and now keeps saying, "It’s not nice to push mommy." We’re back to square one. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

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By Danana - Canada

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

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By DrunkParents - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

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By Adrian James

Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML

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By Heinz - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

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By kennyjhynes - United States

Today, I drove 12 hours with 6 screaming little girls. They were arguing about things that should've been in the Lego movie. They watched it 4 times. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

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By cam96

Today, I woke up early and rushed to work to get to our first weekly safety meeting. I was the only one that remembered. FML

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By FreshFaced - United Kingdom

Today, I went into work for the first time without make-up. My boss thought I looked so tired and ill that he sent me home. FML

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By 20lbknockout - United States

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

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By faul - 26/9/2020 05:02 - United States

Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Today, a lady told me I looked like Paul McCartney in his youth. With that little confidence boost, I told my girlfriend. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that she didn't know who Paul McCartney is, or how she is now obsessively Googling pictures of him and is practically drooling. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

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By xx-look-at-xx - France - Auriol

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

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By happyturtle - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

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By Iamdisappointed - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

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Top comments

By jfsiv | 17

#7453637 - Friday 12 May 2017 20:08

Obviously your boyfriend is an idiot. I would seriously reconsider your relationship with him.

By Regulate | 21

#7453639 - Friday 12 May 2017 20:12

Has he at least cut out pictures of your face and stuck them on hers? Y'know, just to make it even more weird?

COMMENTS

By cakefete2 | 30

#7453633 - Friday 12 May 2017 20:05

I'm sure you meant ex boyfriend right? Keeping something like that a secret is definitely grounds for a break up.

By jfsiv | 17

#7453637 - Friday 12 May 2017 20:08

Obviously your boyfriend is an idiot. I would seriously reconsider your relationship with him.

By Regulate | 21

#7453639 - Friday 12 May 2017 20:12

Has he at least cut out pictures of your face and stuck them on hers? Y'know, just to make it even more weird?

By RichardPencil | 29

#7453645 - Friday 12 May 2017 20:21

So, the way she terminated her "girlfriend" status was by moving to "wife?"

I did not see that one coming!

By squiros | 2

#7453652 - Friday 12 May 2017 20:38

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

rivenrock | 14

#7453907 - Saturday 13 May 2017 9:20

I can't believe you're trying to make someone feel stupid for thinking wedding photos mean a couple were married - the conclusion any reasonable person would come to.

Reply

redrob44 | 2

#7455565 - Tuesday 16 May 2017 9:34

this makes no sense

By RikDog | 8

#7453666 - Friday 12 May 2017 21:14

I'm honestly wondering why you would even help clean the "ex girlfriends" closet in the first place

By Amber Parkey | 6

#7453698 - Friday 12 May 2017 22:16

That's quite a lie, girlfriend and wife are nowhere near the samething. I would definitely do serious asking, that's a big lie, marriage is public record. do some digging if you really want to stay in the relationship, but I would RUN. I'd like to see a follow up. hope all is well

By Amber Parkey | 6

#7453699 - Friday 12 May 2017 22:16

That's quite a lie, girlfriend and wife are nowhere near the samething. I would definitely do serious asking, that's a big lie, marriage is public record. do some digging if you really want to stay in the relationship, but I would RUN. I'd like to see a follow up. hope all is well

By Maurice Bury | 5

#7453866 - Saturday 13 May 2017 8:08

I don't really see any problem. Maybe only that he never told you he was married. I don't know what my girlfriend kept in her closet.

By GalaxyGirl1123_fml | 12

#7454777 - Sunday 14 May 2017 22:32

I see how akward it can be to clean his ex's closet. But girlfriend or wife, it's still an ex.
An official paper is not defining how much you love someone. Why would it be a problem that he knew love before you ?