By fuck Star Wars - 14/9/2020 10:02

The Force is weak with this one

Today, I sat through 9 gruelling hours of Star Wars with my boyfriend. I hate those movies with a passion and frankly would rather get a pap smear from Wolverine than watch them. Afterwards, he dumped me for yawning, saying that I didn’t take a “serious” interest in his favorite things. FML

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Not now!

The View

Laundry drama

By Faithful - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

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By derve - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

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By okaykk

Thanks babe...

Today, after having hardly any sleep the whole weekend, I was woken up at 3:30 am by the sound of running water. I opened my eyes to find my fiancé peeing in my favorite water bottle. FML

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By ChimerV - France - Champenoux

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my job to a girl that graduated with the same bachelor's degree from the same college as me. She also got a master's in an unrelated field. I've been working there 7 months, and her master's in maths apparently makes her a better athletic trainer than me. FML

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By Roger Quimble

Today, after taking a refreshing shower, I found out that due to a newly-built platform, people in the apartment underneath can see right into my bedroom. While I was standing there completely naked, some guy smiled at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

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By babyblues - United States - Woodhaven

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

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By Éponine - 12/6/2020 17:03

Miserable

Today, as an aspiring performer, I tried to practice crying on demand by singing "A Little Fall of Rain" and "On My Own" from Les Misérables. It was all going well, until my nose started running uncontrollably and no tears actually came out of my eyes. Maybe acting isn't for me. FML

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By janie - United States

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

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By sophistication - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

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By Unknown - France

Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

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By Silent - United Kingdom

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2020 20:02

My ex the dumbass

Today, my long distance boyfriend sent me a Snap of him fucking another girl. When he realized he'd sent it to me, he called me, trying to explain, "it's not what it looks like. It was meant for the boys." Two days ago, I made plans to visit him. Guess who's out money and single. FML

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By monochrometea - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Ashland

Today, at the laundromat. I loaded a huge load into the top dryer, put all the quarters in, and started the bottom one. I realized my mistake when I came to check on it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

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By ohno - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

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By fuck you, bitchcake - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

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By patrick - United States

Today, it's Saint Patrick's Day and the nicest day of the year so far. I'm spending it in the bathroom, puking up the sushi I'd eaten last night. The luck of the Irish can't help me on this one. FML

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By ted_the_interpreter - 22/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Corona

Masked Singer

Today, I was in a video conference with my coworkers. They started arguing so much that I decided to turn off my video and started chanting ,"Let it be over, let it be over... Let me go!" The boss finally stoped everybody to comment, "We can hear you." I hadn't turned my mic off. FML

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By young grandpa - United States - Statham

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

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By 4evalone - United States - Monterey

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

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By Peggy Peggerson - 9/10/2020 02:03 - United States

It's the new craze!

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I’d feel comfortable pegging him. I had no idea what that meant, so I had to look it up. I tried to keep an open mind but it was just too far outside my comfort zone. Now he’s sulking and complaining about me being a prude. FML

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By Trimacle - United States

Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML

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By Loose Ends - United States - Waltham

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

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By hhaannnnaahh - United States

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - Maldives

Today, while using the bathroom I gave the toilet a courtesy flush, only for it to overflow and soak my pants. That would've been bad enough even if I hadn't been at work, with five hours left on my shift and no change of clothes. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while working as a line cook, one of the servers sincerely asked me, "What sauce goes on a chicken bacon ranch sandwich?" I replied, a little incredulously I'll admit, "…Ranch." She then totally lost her cool and went full-blown adult temper tantrum because I was, "mean to her." FML

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By Benchlover - United Kingdom

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

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By inthedark - Canada

Today, I found out why my five-year-old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. I presented her with an oil painting of her that I'd been working on for over a month, and she started to cry. I thought it was because she liked it, until she asked if she really looks that ugly and disproportionate in real life. FML

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By Anonymous

In the zone

Today, I was flirting with a girl I like when she confessed she was into another guy. I then proceeded to wingman for that guy, telling her to take her shot with him before the chance went away. Effectively sticking myself into the friendzone. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

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By Anonymous

Cats gonna cat

Today, I got a new mattress delivered to my house. Didn’t have it on the frame for more than 5 minutes before my cat had already pissed on it. FML

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By vistingherfamily - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - K?ln

Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML

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By Broke - 7/2/2020 05:00 - United States

This is my life

Today, I need money to fix my car, I need my car to get to work, and I need work to get money. FML

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Top comments

By timinator5000 | 28

#7938187 - Monday 14 September 2020 13:16

Did you communicate to him you hate them? seems you're better off without him if its that critical to him. I'm a Huge star wars fan and agree you should have some likes and passions in common but it doesn't Have to be anything specific.

By theyellowgoose | 2

#7938175 - Monday 14 September 2020 12:12

your better off without him.

COMMENTS

By newwitch2010 | 11

#7938160 - Monday 14 September 2020 11:09

Maybe you should have thought of that before you started dating him, just a thought. YDI

Reply

Ambrily | 27

#7938259 - Monday 14 September 2020 20:07

Do you date people based on whether they like Star Wars or not?

Reply

newwitch2010 | 11

#7938280 - Monday 14 September 2020 20:53

No it’s not a deal breaker for me. Though some fans are rabid enough to make it a big deal. The OP should have figured out how into it he was before she started dating him.

Reply

julfunky | 29

#7939422 - Saturday 19 September 2020 21:04

You’re a fucking idiot.

There, I said it.

By theyellowgoose | 2

#7938175 - Monday 14 September 2020 12:12

your better off without him.

By timinator5000 | 28

#7938187 - Monday 14 September 2020 13:16

Did you communicate to him you hate them? seems you're better off without him if its that critical to him. I'm a Huge star wars fan and agree you should have some likes and passions in common but it doesn't Have to be anything specific.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7938232 - Monday 14 September 2020 17:35

Did you indicate you hate them? Why didn't you plan on doing something else while he does a SW marathon?

By RichardPencil | 29

#7938238 - Monday 14 September 2020 18:14

The fact that he has interests different than yours is not bad.

But, the fact that he insists you adopt his interests is a deal-breaker. That's intolerable!

His dumping of you just saved you from doing what you should have done anyways.

By KWil26 | 1

#7938263 - Monday 14 September 2020 20:16

So....you like Wolverine?

By Susan Yee | 9

#7938290 - Monday 14 September 2020 21:33

The wolverine animal or Hugh Jackman? Big difference.

By ofotherworlds | 8

#7938302 - Monday 14 September 2020 22:16

It's not either of y'all's fault, but I do think you were incompatible. Star Wars is a very archetypical series of movies with a quasi-religious message. If you hate them and your BF loves them there's probably a deeper incompatibility of worldviews.

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7938325 - Monday 14 September 2020 23:45

Well done. You’ll be happier without him.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7938349 - Tuesday 15 September 2020 3:26

Are your names Stella and Ted by any chance?