By fuck Star Wars - 14/9/2020 10:02

The Force is weak with this one

Today, I sat through 9 gruelling hours of Star Wars with my boyfriend. I hate those movies with a passion and frankly would rather get a pap smear from Wolverine than watch them. Afterwards, he dumped me for yawning, saying that I didn’t take a “serious” interest in his favorite things. FML

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Rock, hard place

Time for the ER

True hero

By management - 21/2/2014 02:31 - United States

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

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By forever alone - 19/6/2014 22:26 - United States - Pawling

Today, I was video chatting my boyfriend. As we were talking, he answered a phone call. I sat there the whole time as he planned a date with some other girl over the phone. FML

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By fucking hell my eyes burn - 23/5/2014 22:46 - Germany

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 05:51 - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML

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By just trying to be nice - 21/6/2013 02:17 - United States - Tucson

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

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By Gracie-Ann - 1/7/2013 06:38 - United States - Portland

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

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By ywouldudomelikethat - 3/1/2016 20:02 - United States - Renton

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

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By GodDamnFan - 27/5/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

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By EyesOffMe - 7/9/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

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By Idk anymore - 23/7/2019 17:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, I came out to my parents. My mom and dad think that I'm lying, just so I could "fit in" with everyone else. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2016 12:22 - Australia - West End

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

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By StillAVirgin - 17/10/2016 15:23 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend said, "One day I'll tell my children how I met you. I mean, our children." It's pretty cute, except for the fact that we're 17 and have been dating for only two weeks. FML

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By ken - 3/12/2018 15:30

Today, I took my girlfriend to a festival. The very first thing we saw when we got there was a guy being wheeled away by paramedics. She freaked out and demanded we leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2009 19:31 - United States

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said "Now I know why". FML

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By Mintspice - 19/12/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, my friends decided to pull a prank. They told my girlfriend I had cheated on her, which I hadn't. Her revenge? Inviting me over to have me walk in on her with my brother. Our 6 month anniversary was two days away and I got her a trip to Spain, which cost me almost three pay-checks. FML

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By angie429 - 27/11/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

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By THOMASisMYname - 6/7/2011 17:06 - Canada

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML

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By nmaidkieavg - 25/1/2011 06:13

Today, I got pulled over for a traffic violation. Thinking I could get away with it, I spoke with a French accent. The officer then asked me a question in perfect French. I got a ticket. FML

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By tryingtohelp - 24/5/2020 20:00

Good samaritan

Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML

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By forever alone - 10/3/2018 09:00 - United States - New York

Today, during the garter toss at a wedding, all the eligible men yelped and scrambled, evading it like a falling meteor. They apparently wanted to stay single, rather than put it on and dance with the one who caught the bouquet, which was me. FML

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By thesixth - 1/3/2016 19:07 - Kenya

Today, I got fired for being late. Apparently you're supposed to be on time after your boss specifically tells you that the office will open an hour late. FML

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By Well okay then - 9/10/2016 17:12 - United States - Palmdale

Today, after letting the painters working on my house know that they're more than welcome to use my restroom, I walked outside only to find three of them pissing in my garden. One even aimed for my tomatoes. FML

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By lonelyheart4ever - 13/8/2016 01:58 - United States - Norman Park

Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML

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By fisted - 12/6/2015 13:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

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By ForeverAlone - 9/5/2015 15:53 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

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By Rob - 16/10/2009 01:59 - France

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

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By phonesnshit - 29/5/2010 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

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By girlthatstoofat - 29/10/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, I recieved a message on MySpace from a cute guy I've been talking to for a while. It read, "I saw a girl in Old Navy at the mall last night that looked a lot like you, but she was much fatter." I was in Old Navy at the mall last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2018 01:30

Today, at work, a customer ordered a caramel latte with no caramel. I made a regular latte after explaining that’s what it was. He got angry and threw it at me. I got fired for insulting his intelligence. FML

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By Rai - 24/3/2009 16:11 - Canada

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

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By skrillexblewme - 2/8/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML

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By amber - 13/3/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

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By Mj - 20/7/2016 00:28 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML

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By yourekillingme - 19/2/2016 04:12 - United States - Mission

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2013 15:29 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2015 13:34

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

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By regretsteachinghighschool - 5/11/2013 13:22 - United States - Rochester

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

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By tman - 14/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

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By shameonme - 1/4/2016 19:46 - United States - Nampa

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

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By anonymous - 13/3/2016 19:53 - United States - Marysville

Today, when my son gets mad in a store, he will scream stranger danger and run away from me, and to an employee, and ask for help. FML

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Top comments

By timinator5000 | 28

#7938187 - Monday 14 September 2020 13:16

Did you communicate to him you hate them? seems you're better off without him if its that critical to him. I'm a Huge star wars fan and agree you should have some likes and passions in common but it doesn't Have to be anything specific.

By theyellowgoose | 2

#7938175 - Monday 14 September 2020 12:12

your better off without him.

COMMENTS

By newwitch2010 | 11

#7938160 - Monday 14 September 2020 11:09

Maybe you should have thought of that before you started dating him, just a thought. YDI

Reply

Ambrily | 27

#7938259 - Monday 14 September 2020 20:07

Do you date people based on whether they like Star Wars or not?

Reply

newwitch2010 | 11

#7938280 - Monday 14 September 2020 20:53

No it’s not a deal breaker for me. Though some fans are rabid enough to make it a big deal. The OP should have figured out how into it he was before she started dating him.

Reply

julfunky | 29

#7939422 - Saturday 19 September 2020 21:04

You’re a fucking idiot.

There, I said it.

By theyellowgoose | 2

#7938175 - Monday 14 September 2020 12:12

your better off without him.

By timinator5000 | 28

#7938187 - Monday 14 September 2020 13:16

Did you communicate to him you hate them? seems you're better off without him if its that critical to him. I'm a Huge star wars fan and agree you should have some likes and passions in common but it doesn't Have to be anything specific.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7938232 - Monday 14 September 2020 17:35

Did you indicate you hate them? Why didn't you plan on doing something else while he does a SW marathon?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7938238 - Monday 14 September 2020 18:14

The fact that he has interests different than yours is not bad.

But, the fact that he insists you adopt his interests is a deal-breaker. That's intolerable!

His dumping of you just saved you from doing what you should have done anyways.

By KWil26 | 1

#7938263 - Monday 14 September 2020 20:16

So....you like Wolverine?

By Susan Yee | 9

#7938290 - Monday 14 September 2020 21:33

The wolverine animal or Hugh Jackman? Big difference.

By ofotherworlds | 8

#7938302 - Monday 14 September 2020 22:16

It's not either of y'all's fault, but I do think you were incompatible. Star Wars is a very archetypical series of movies with a quasi-religious message. If you hate them and your BF loves them there's probably a deeper incompatibility of worldviews.

By genuinegoodguy | 8

#7938325 - Monday 14 September 2020 23:45

Well done. You’ll be happier without him.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7938349 - Tuesday 15 September 2020 3:26

Are your names Stella and Ted by any chance?