By Gayer men’s team - 2/11/2017 04:00

Go Team!

Today, I was sexting my girlfriend when I accidentally sent one to my swim team’s group chat. This means that 19 men got a picture of me flexing with everything on display. Worst part? I got more compliments from them than I ever got from my girlfriend. FML

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Weird kid

You snooze, you lose

Night terrors

By nullpointer - 3/8/2016 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2012 13:46 - United States

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

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By Auston - 17/7/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, at work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. FML

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By lonelynessinCA - 14/3/2011 18:31 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2012 12:04 - United States

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

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By lectro - 24/11/2008 06:08 - France

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2019 20:00

Today, I saw what I thought was a cobweb right behind my head where I sleep. I went to wipe it off and part of the sheetrock dented in. On further inspection, they were holes in the wall. Termites started coming out of them like something out of a horror movie. My husband is out of town for the next few weeks, and I'm extremely bug-phobic. FML

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By rach - 19/5/2013 22:33 - United States - Roy

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

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By jeanstein - 23/3/2011 14:58

Today, I got a call from this drunk man, asking for Celeste. Since I don't know any Celestes, I told him that he had the wrong number. He kept calling for her. Apparently he can't take a hint that she didn't give him her real number, and I get to deal with him. FML

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By kel - 10/2/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML

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By disgusting - 4/2/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

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By tastetherainbow - 7/7/2013 10:55 - United States - Katy

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, after begging for over an hour, I had to pay my sister $20 to wax my back for me so my bra would stop painfully pulling at the hair I repulsively seem to be growing there. FML

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By shibs - 19/12/2015 14:30 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take two bites before a seagull snatched my burger from my hands. I had to shamefully start walking back to work with a pair of girls laughing at me and an empty stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 00:05

Today, I was seeing my boyfriend for the first time in 3 weeks. I was so excited to see him that I gave him a big hug. He must have been excited to see me too, because he hugged me so tight that he squeezed a fart out of me. FML

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By kklaucen14 - 6/8/2012 01:15 - United States - Connersville

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

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By fatass - 20/4/2015 17:01 - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2012 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, my own boyfriend admitted that he can't name one single thing he likes about me without naming something "physical." FML

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By bottombarrel - 28/10/2014 14:07 - United States - Greenville

Today, I was getting a pedicure to cheer myself up. I've been so lonely, I got overly excited when someone sat next to me, because I got to pretend I had a friend. FML

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By Higgs - 2/6/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

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By Ellie - 9/10/2013 23:15 - United States - Mission

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

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By Why - 29/1/2016 22:53

Today, I randomly got a boner while modeling a character's butt in animation class. FML

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By Gonzales - 7/8/2015 19:47 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

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By juice723 - 20/11/2013 11:09 - United States - Marblehead

Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

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By Aiaiii - 3/6/2010 07:55 - Germany

Today, I spent some time in a sun-bed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML

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By Noname - 18/2/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 22:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

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By anonymous - 20/8/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

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By AustrianCow - 22/12/2015 21:45 - Austria - Linz

Today, I wanted my boyfriend to meet my parents. My mum introduced herself as, "I'm Petra. I'm completely normal." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2013 21:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

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By bobbies - 15/4/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about how I am horribly depressed and how I can't function and she responded with, "Oh, shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

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By almyric - 2/10/2019 12:02

Headshot!

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML

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By crybaby - 28/6/2016 17:54 - United States - Seattle

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

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By fuckina - 29/11/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, I was speeding a little on the highway. I thought I saw a police car, so I slammed on my brakes, causing the person behind me to rear end me. The "police car" I saw was just a broken down car on the side of the road. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2012 08:24 - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I faked my age to win a colouring competition. I just turned 19. FML

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By Ann - 31/5/2011 16:47 - United States

Today, my 12 year old cousin decided that "all men are pigs" and deleted every male contact in my phone. FML

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By Nate - 31/3/2011 15:54 - United States

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

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Top comments

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7559411 - Thursday 2 November 2017 6:26

And they say men aren't supportive. Pssshhh.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7559462 - Thursday 2 November 2017 9:10

I sincerely hope that they sent you some pics back. It's common courtesy, after all.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7559402 - Thursday 2 November 2017 5:50

If you’re fishing for compliments, you need to stick your pole into a body of water

Reply

Little Richard | 10

#7559451 - Thursday 2 November 2017 8:55

This is not your best work Dad.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7559411 - Thursday 2 November 2017 6:26

And they say men aren't supportive. Pssshhh.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7559462 - Thursday 2 November 2017 9:10

I sincerely hope that they sent you some pics back. It's common courtesy, after all.

By arioch_fml | 18

#7559482 - Thursday 2 November 2017 9:59

Sounds like you're playing for the wrong team...... uhh wait, the right team.....?

Reply

ilovetraveler | 17

#7560185 - Saturday 4 November 2017 4:42

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7559542 - Thursday 2 November 2017 12:55

At least the comments were positive.

By GhostFox | 33

#7559614 - Thursday 2 November 2017 17:18

You have to be pretty comfortable with your identity to wear nothing but a speedo and a swim cap, so they probably are more comfortable complimenting other guys than most guys are.

By Takegami | 22

#7559670 - Thursday 2 November 2017 19:28

Should've flexed harder

By justalexis00 | 8

#7559913 - Friday 3 November 2017 12:42

well, i would hope that among 19 men you’d get more compliments than from your one girlfriend. ?

By Gotenss2 | 9

#7560218 - Saturday 4 November 2017 8:26

No need to drown in that pussy if you can drown in that water

By Roman Vasquez | 10

#7583982 - Tuesday 9 January 2018 7:40

At least he knows he's got options