Miscellaneous: Today, I was alone in the house at night when I almost died of...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 40

25/06/2017 21:00

Today, I was alone in the house at night when I almost died of fright after seeing a woman staring at me through the window. I screamed before realizing that she was just my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 211

You deserved it 1 896

Miscellaneous

Empathy lives

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Working from home rules!

30/05/2012 05:25

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 082

You deserved it 3 478

01/02/2015 14:59

Today, the girl I like finally replied to a text I sent a week ago. Her reply was: "Don't ever text me again, fuckface." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 600

You deserved it 4 393

05/11/2010 05:05

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 521

You deserved it 4 720

18/08/2017 04:30

Today, we started building our dream house. Next to my parents-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 277

You deserved it 758

28/01/2009 14:15

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 553

You deserved it 19 433

07/01/2011 08:03

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 771

You deserved it 3 403

27/01/2018 15:00

Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered, "Incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 636

You deserved it 334

Your cooking, dude

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 20:00

Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 637

10/11/2011 11:16

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 384

You deserved it 6 058

Dad jokes, part 43884

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 14:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad, who it turns out is such an anime nerd he decided to overplay the "idiot overprotective dad" character all afternoon, including making the dramatic faces, playing theme music from his phone, and at one point threatening my genitals with an oversized foam battle axe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 268

08/07/2015 11:01

Today, I attended a work interview. My hay fever has been flaring up during the hot weather, causing my throat to swell up and make me short of breath, which I explained. The woman interviewing me told me I was unsuccessful, as customers wouldn't be able to understand someone with my 'disability'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 833

You deserved it 1 889

What are you most angry about?

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 14:01

Today, my husband got fired from his government-mandated "volunteer" work due to a sexual harassment complaint he filed. He's morbidly obese and still gets more attention in the years we've been together than my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 157

04/02/2017 02:00

Today, a little girl came up to me and told me I looked like a foot. Thanks a bunch, darling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 339

You deserved it 590

08/02/2014 22:14

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 695

You deserved it 5 229

14/09/2011 23:20

Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 699

You deserved it 3 138

19/08/2017 01:30

Today, I enjoyed my favourite pizza topped with jalapeños for an extra kick. I later got to feel that kick a second time as I vomited in the middle of the night. Some came out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 654

You deserved it 645

05/07/2011 02:38

Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe lights on and music blasting. He was by himself and had absolutely nothing on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 128

You deserved it 4 299

Mystery woman

By Nathalie - 30/11/2020 23:04

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend at his job. When I saw he wasn't there, I asked a co-worker, who told me his "sister" came by earlier. He's an only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 53

14/01/2011 01:17

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 786

You deserved it 40 554

26/04/2011 06:18

Today, the ex-girlfriend I'm still in love with sent me an old picture with the caption, "I miss us." She looked beautiful and happy. Too bad I'm not the guy she's kissing in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 495

You deserved it 3 769

Healthcare is broken

By Anonymous - 01/11/2020 17:01

Today, after driving 3 and a half hours to the nearest major emergency room, waiting 7+ hours to see my grandfather's bowel cancer specialist, we were told to go back to our hotel. Why? The triage nurse never logged my grandfather into the system, so his doctor went home at 9.00 p.m. when he'd finished theatre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 53

07/12/2010 04:53

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 047

You deserved it 2 541

10/03/2016 15:59

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 536

You deserved it 1 320

08/12/2014 09:17

Today, my boss commented on the fact that I don't usually wear makeup, then told me it would be much appreciated if I'd change that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 062

You deserved it 3 452

04/12/2010 21:04

Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn't have to pay the $10 to park. While waiting to pick her up, I grabbed a bite to eat. Upon returning to my car, I found a $55 parking ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 061

You deserved it 28 151

03/10/2015 04:00

Today, my boyfriend was shaving his beard in the bathroom when I left. An hour later, I found him exasperated after having shaved half his body. I had to help him shave every nook and cranny left because he said he was in too deep and couldn't turn back. Yes, his bumhole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 884

You deserved it 3 649

15/06/2016 13:33

Today, my wedding is scheduled for next week. Today is also the day my whole family had an epic falling out, resulting in my mother disowning my brother. Apart from having them taking turns sobbing at me through the phone, they're also not coming to the wedding. I paid the hotel rooms in advance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 571

You deserved it 1 317

20/05/2016 20:22

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 523

You deserved it 1 099

09/02/2010 14:26

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 180

You deserved it 7 390

04/07/2016 04:14

Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 797

You deserved it 3 058

Monetize your shit life

By chap - 11/07/2020 02:01

Today, I was in an Uber with a friend I hadn't seen in 7 years. I was just catching her up on my daily life when my Uber driver decided to chime into our conversation and kindly inform me that: "[I] should be a stand-up comedian." He literally thought my life was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 198

15/01/2010 17:39

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 397

You deserved it 47 945

22/09/2015 04:31

Today, I began taking a French language class. After completing and submitting some homework, I got a response. A response that was completely in French. I can't understand shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 031

You deserved it 3 588

08/05/2018 19:00

Today, I went to a cute frog-themed frozen yogurt shop that was surprisingly realistic. So realistic, in fact, that there was a dead fly in my yogurt. I found it with my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 711

You deserved it 299

20/03/2009 05:08

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 561

You deserved it 81 105

22/09/2015 01:44

Today, my 5-year-old daughter sobbed inconsolably on my return home from a several-month long deployment to the Middle East. I was touched by her reaction until she blurted out that she wasn't crying because she missed me, but because my shaved head looked scary ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 707

You deserved it 1 970

Mondegreens

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 17:02

Today, I was interviewing a potential candidate for a job opportunity. He started the conversation by saying that he was having a weird day because his friend just got married. To which I responded, “Oh, fun!” He'd actually said that his friend got murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 180

05/02/2011 00:05

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 112

You deserved it 6 951

14/01/2010 15:56

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 547

You deserved it 5 326

24/02/2010 14:18

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 2 572

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Top comments

olesarge 7

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Sunday 25 June 2017 21:17

now that's funny right there!

Justine Malang 16

Sunday 25 June 2017 22:02

Wow. That's a whole new level of insecurity, when you get scared of your own face lol

Comments

wanted_2_want 40

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Sunday 25 June 2017 21:05

She must've been really ugly! LOL

olesarge 7

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Sunday 25 June 2017 21:17

now that's funny right there!

Justine Malang 16

Sunday 25 June 2017 22:02

Wow. That's a whole new level of insecurity, when you get scared of your own face lol

fancybest 14

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Sunday 25 June 2017 22:04

I could see this happening to myself! Don't feel too bad.

Lobby_Bee 17

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Sunday 25 June 2017 22:57

Looks like you're set for Halloween, although a bit early I must say.

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 25 June 2017 23:30

Now you know how everyone else feels.

Tiny Terror 19

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Monday 26 June 2017 0:17

On the bright side, at least no one heard you scream!

Lalala579121 27

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Monday 26 June 2017 0:19

This is why you don't read creepypasta when you're home alone at night.

Gngr_Grl 26

Monday 26 June 2017 1:14

Remember, your reflections are just as scared of you as you are of them.

RogueWolfNoise 5

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Monday 26 June 2017 5:56

I can't even begin to explain how over the years, seeing my reflection in the corner of my eye, has scared me worse and worse. Don't feel bad.