By JackNicholsonInChinatown - 25/10/2016 02:58

Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML
I agree, your life sucks 9 486
You deserved it 865

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He was just practicing his piercings for his future career at Kitty Tat Parlor. You should be grateful you have such an entrepreneurial feline.

"Wait, is this NOT your tongue? I've heard I'm supposed to get your tongue…"

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He was just practicing his piercings for his future career at Kitty Tat Parlor. You should be grateful you have such an entrepreneurial feline.

What's the matter? Cat got you ton- Oh, wait. Scratch that.

He was just trying to trim your nose hairs. Your fault for letting them get so long

Free nose piercing! You should be thanking him!

Be sure to thoroughly document your Cat Scratch Fever. You know... for science.

"Wait, is this NOT your tongue? I've heard I'm supposed to get your tongue…"

And this is why no matter how much I love my cat I don't let him sleep in my room at night. Not fun to wake up to a cat scratch.

Most people get hooked on pussy with their tongue...

If you read this comment again very slowly with the knowledge that "pussy" is both a word for "cat" AND "vagina", you'll notice this shared synonym is exploited for humorous purposes. It's really quite original and not at all BLUGGGHHH.

Wow, way to state the obvious #10. We're all so impressed with your deductive reasoning skills.

Well, he woke you up.

This is literally what happened to me. But mine didn't get published...

You must have worded it too poorly.

I've learned after 60 or so failures at being published, it's better not to complain.