The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By NowImSingle - 12/02/2018 19:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 579

You deserved it 423

By crispyjello69 - 19/06/2016 23:02 - United States - Central Islip

Today, I was going to take my father to dinner for Father's Day. It all would have gone according to plan, but he saw my Facebook post about a 12-hour stomach virus I had yesterday, so he went out fishing with his friends instead without telling me because he didn't want to catch my "disease." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 094

You deserved it 1 843

crispyjello69 tells us more.

crispyjello69 19

Tuesday 21 June 2016 3:47

I put it on Facebook to see if anyone had any recommendations besides just trying to stay hydrated. I didn't list my exact symptoms, because let's just face it that's gross! It would have been nice if my father asked how I was feeling or talked about rescheduling, but neither happened! It will be a conversation for another time!

Supportive

By crazycutie1027 - 14/02/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked, "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 217

You deserved it 6 784

Commission demon

By TheNewSalesRep - 21/01/2016 02:37 - Canada - Brantford

Today, on my second day at my new job, my supervisor told me that I was ready to make a sale on my own. Things were going well, until said supervisor interrupted my sales pitch, apologized on my behalf for being new, and stole my sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 473

You deserved it 1 372

By xsnqw - 19/01/2016 22:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 590

You deserved it 6 972

Nice way to end the day

By welp - 27/12/2015 05:08 - United States - Grass Lake

Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 581

You deserved it 1 364

Convert

By funkyhed84 - 31/05/2017 12:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I answered the door to two Mormon girls from America. I live in the UK and am not religious at all, but I was too polite to slam the door and ended up letting them in. An hour later, a copy of 'The Book of Mormon' and 'My Pathway to Baptism' and I think I'm now a Mormon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 202

You deserved it 1 633

By Anonymous - 03/10/2016 23:50 - United States - Westerville

Today, the family computer kept overheating. My four-year-old son thought the solution was to pour a nice, cold cup of water on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 052

You deserved it 1 251

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 20:00

Today, my mom borrowed my computer without my permission and downloaded a virus. I came home to a blue screen of death. She refuses to admit fault and pay for a new computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 094

You deserved it 437

Proud

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 12:31

Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 727

You deserved it 1 030

One day…

By CaeliLady - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 459

You deserved it 6 520

By atterz123 - 12/02/2009 13:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 021

You deserved it 5 422

By Anonymous - 16/05/2016 00:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 020

You deserved it 3 660

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 00:44 - United States

Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 899

You deserved it 2 064

By Toothach - 12/05/2016 01:38 - Canada - Fonthill

Today, I went to my dentist's appointment with huge anxiety because I had to get a filling. Last week, I paid $120 to be told I needed this filling. This time, I paid $80 to be told my teeth are fine. Each visit lasted all of 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 279

You deserved it 919

By 918boyz - 04/02/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 851

You deserved it 2 626

WTF dude?

By Wilhelm - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 322

You deserved it 1 552

New moves

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 203

You deserved it 8 022

By elo - 20/12/2008 05:50 - France

Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 922

You deserved it 32 518

By cat co-parent - 03/01/2015 00:11 - Australia

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 637

You deserved it 2 751

By SharpDressedMan - 13/11/2018 12:00 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I spent almost nine hours cleaning because I was promised I could go to junior prom if my room was cleaned. I missed a dust bunny and couldn't go. I had a date for this, who I'd had a crush on for over a year and barely managed to ask to go with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 159

You deserved it 351

By JillianJuneBug - 04/02/2017 00:00 - United States - Elmira

Today, I was listening to music on my phone. I activated Siri by mistake, which stopped the music. I told Siri to, "turn the damn music back on." She replied, "Now calling Afton." Afton is my ex. While trying to quickly end the call, my phone froze and the buttons stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 315

You deserved it 1 473

By Anonymous - 07/04/2017 04:00

Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 640

You deserved it 678

By ArtistBlock - 25/11/2016 05:10

Today, I was in charge of Thanksgiving dinner. I dressed and stuffed the turkey, popped it in the oven and sent a mass text out to my family about how amazing it would be. Everyone arrived, we began making plates of food when I checked the turkey, and realized I never even turned on the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 476

You deserved it 6 224

By bloated - 04/11/2016 02:46 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 831

You deserved it 2 541

Bad memory

By thereisnobaby - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 664

You deserved it 854

By Mith - 04/02/2009 10:56 - Poland

Today, in biology class, I kept seeing a fly or a mosquito buzzing past my face and I kept trying to swat at it… only to realize that it was a ceiling sprinkler that was about 10 feet away. I have no depth perception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 390

You deserved it 18 060

By Sara - 03/05/2016 16:52 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 697

You deserved it 2 127

By Sugar - 22/11/2008 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 645

You deserved it 2 275

By singlelady - 26/01/2016 22:24 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, to avoid disappointing my excited great grandmother, I still attended a small family dinner to celebrate my engagement. My fiancé and I split last night, I haven't slept and had to tell her he was caught up at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 976

You deserved it 2 155

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Relatable Doctor Work Transportation Cars Miscellaneous Friends Parents Awkward Liar My ex Intimacy NSFW Art Crush Love Weird Grandparents Kids Gross Poopoo peepee Divorce Cancer Scams Tinder Cooking Annoying Money Embarrassing

The Top

Random

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 527

You deserved it 3 852

Today, I had a big party planned. All but one of the guests cancelled. See you at 7, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 208

You deserved it 3 970

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 198

You deserved it 7 971

Today, at age 18, I am now the guardian of my sister's 10-month-old and 4-year-old. Why? She decided to "work on her" and enlist in the army. Guess that means no college for me for the next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 641

You deserved it 349

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids' tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 2 874

Today, I got back home to my completely locked-up apartment after a long and stressful family visit. On digging through my nice clean clothes for something comfy to change into, I was set upon and stung by a great dirty wasp hiding in there. How the fuck did it get in? Are there more of them in here with me?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 136