Love: Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told...

By elo - France

Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7883

You deserved it

32292

Favorite

Love

Out of it

Heaven knows I'm miserable now…

Spice

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27265

You deserved it

15806

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55090

You deserved it

9845

Favorite

By perpetuallyscrewed

Today, after nearly eight months of unemployment, I started a great new job. After seven and a half hours of work, my new boss comes up to tell me what a great job I was doing, but that he somehow forgot to clear the new hire with the company owner, so I'm fired. Hello, unemployment... again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38782

You deserved it

2169

Favorite

By lm - Ireland

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

69573

You deserved it

3974

Favorite

By sad trick Or treat - Denmark

Today, I went to the ER to get my eye checked. Turns out I had a scratch in it. So, after sedation, I now need to wear an eyepatch. Too bad Halloween was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11016

You deserved it

830

Favorite

By Elissa Roth Gooden

He will

Today, I actually got to meet actor George Takei. He was really sweet and charming, and I was just thrilled. When we parted, I wanted to say either, "I'll always remember this" or "I'll never forget this." It came out as, "I'll never remember this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1718

You deserved it

325

Favorite

By Ineedjustice03 - Singapore

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48620

You deserved it

4169

Favorite

By iheartvodka - United States

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37576

You deserved it

6677

Favorite

By Chessmomma3

Today, my 18-month-old found our "naughty drawer." I found her carrying a "toy" all over the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1319

You deserved it

910

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40560

You deserved it

8047

Favorite

By shatfjord - United States - Rochester

Today, I and a coworker got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss' infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42536

You deserved it

2967

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41369

You deserved it

21541

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6696

You deserved it

1596

Favorite

By whatsmccraken - Taiwan

Today, I was on a 12 hour trans-Atlantic flight overseas. I asked the flight attendant where this rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour 1 of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40614

You deserved it

2288

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Perv

Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25366

You deserved it

1955

Favorite

By Face fucking palm - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40206

You deserved it

13381

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend crashed our car into the car ahead. He was trying to pull away from the traffic lights faster than the person next to us, a ten-year-old kid on a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13603

You deserved it

1569

Favorite

By Randy Savage - United States

Check before crossing

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude, how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guy's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17862

You deserved it

70997

Favorite

By Shelly - United States

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15930

You deserved it

33953

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my job for "lack of work". What that means is that my boss hired his good-for-nothing lazy son, who then got too big of a mortgage, and he had to let me go to pay him a higher salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3890

You deserved it

189

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46327

You deserved it

4407

Favorite

By dvddtraveller - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the local clinic and I met a really cute guy. We hit it off quite well, and he asked me out. It's like The Fault in Our Stars, but instead of cancer, we have STDs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21692

You deserved it

7357

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32920

You deserved it

2751

Favorite

By squishyboy - New Zealand

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

49585

You deserved it

7818

Favorite

By ihatelaura - United States

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32055

You deserved it

5591

Favorite

By picklemonger - Canada

Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24566

You deserved it

33360

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15290

You deserved it

1310

Favorite

By S4L - France

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50712

You deserved it

23341

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35318

You deserved it

2790

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I almost died in the shower when I slipped and my dumbass self tried to grab the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1506

You deserved it

400

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I invited my boss and his family over for dinner. As usual, I bought his kids Christmas' presents, nothing too fancy though. This year, he had one more that wasn't here last year. So I just pulled something from under the tree to hand him. He opened it on the spot. It was my son's PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11976

You deserved it

52086

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

I agree, your life sucks

51628

You deserved it

25841

Favorite

By Anne - United States

Today, I spoke to my ex again for the first time after our breakup. The first words out of his mouth were, "I love you, so I'm going to have to confess some things in the hopes that my honesty will help us get back together." It didn't, but it does mean I have to get tested now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33759

You deserved it

3227

Favorite

By Ellie - United States

Today, I was practicing for a choir concert that I have next week. My mom walked into my room and listened to me for a little while. After I finished the last song, she smiled, patted me on the head and said, "It's okay honey, I can't sing either." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24849

You deserved it

2958

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11394

You deserved it

41074

Favorite

By Elizabeth Ann

Today, I was at work for almost two hours today before realizing I had marinara sauce on my face. My coworkers didn’t say anything because I’m really clumsy and they figured it was blood, and therefore not unusual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1712

You deserved it

281

Favorite

By rawrrrr - United States

Awkward

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10939

You deserved it

29379

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50116

You deserved it

7849

Favorite

By 404: Sanity Not Found - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend made a patronising post on Facebook, "to all you guys out there" saying how having sex with a drunk person is straight-up, 100% rape. I pointed out that she's had sex with me several times after I've come home drunk. That pissed her off. Now I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26134

You deserved it

5085

Favorite

By greaaaatt. - United States

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41882

You deserved it

2913

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By x_eyebrows | 0

#74171 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 5:04

If you're getting drunk with the intent of having sex with a person you've never met, you pretty much deserve whoever you wake up to the next morning. Beggars can't be choosers.

By MissMeanie | 5

#3727978 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 2:22

Buddies helping ugly buddies get laid. He was doing him a favor.

COMMENTS

By feelslikeanoose | 0

#435 - Saturday 7 February 2009 1:19

ahahahha! This is great. I feel ya sister hunny.

By jarofarts | 0

#31115 - Saturday 14 March 2009 10:21

hahahaha

By jsmith1199 | 0

#58982 - Thursday 26 March 2009 2:41

Haha.. this reminds me of all those times when whore slept with random people and died of AIDS HAHAHAH serves you right

stupid slut

By x_eyebrows | 0

#74171 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 5:04

If you're getting drunk with the intent of having sex with a person you've never met, you pretty much deserve whoever you wake up to the next morning. Beggars can't be choosers.

mariahrawks | 0

#990689 - Tuesday 11 May 2010 4:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

underaegis | 0

#1274494 - Friday 20 August 2010 8:21

she's right I mean as long as no one got pregnant it's a good thing right

rcbarnes | 24

#4090650 - Sunday 26 February 2012 7:22

Why assume it was alcohol?

By comadank | 0

#95345 - Thursday 9 April 2009 6:47

uuuuuummmmmmmmmmm im a guy and my beer goggles only get better the more i drink wtf lmao

By pariah411 | 0

#99652 - Friday 10 April 2009 19:40

Another battle won in the war against arrogant slutty bitches!!! Well done, sir.
As for the chick, I hope you get pregnant.

By Allan_is_Awesome | 0

#137162 - Thursday 23 April 2009 21:17

Aww, that suc ks, but is also hilarious

By nonstopsand | 0

#156587 - Thursday 30 April 2009 17:04

filthy filthy woman. hope you got crabs

By jsmith1199 | 0

#215867 - Thursday 21 May 2009 1:46

well if youre stupid and slutty enough to bring any guy home after only one night then youre stupid and slutty enough to not be able to tell the difference between one guy and another, as long as you get a dick in you.

By trooper14 | 0

#235232 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 5:13

obviously before the point you realised what a giant fucking slut you are you stupid bitch