Love: Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff...

By NowImSingle - 12/02/2018 19:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 408

You deserved it 402

Love

Batman

Get out while you still can

Marriage going well is it?

By Sudokori - 07/09/2017 01:30

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 176

You deserved it 255

By noname - 07/11/2010 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 048

You deserved it 2 785

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 3 714

By combovercaiti_ - 25/01/2019 12:00

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 340

By lala - 25/01/2010 17:21 - United States

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 365

You deserved it 33 940

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 299

You deserved it 67 831

By anonymous - 02/04/2016 04:11 - United States - Westminster

Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she owes me because she once bought me something from the dollar menu at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 912

You deserved it 1 681

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 11:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 550

You deserved it 8 325

By chippuh - 26/04/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 754

You deserved it 3 104

By axewoman - 17/10/2014 08:14

Today, my dad told me someday I'll find a man who wants a nice lumberjack for a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 010

You deserved it 3 686

By lalala_hahaha - 23/09/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 852

You deserved it 3 045

By OptMouse - 14/04/2015 11:50 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 2 783

By mynameisarmpit - 15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 665

You deserved it 4 661

By TommyNoFeet - 04/12/2017 06:00

Today, my third day training for a half marathon, I tripped and broke both of my ankles and one wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 605

You deserved it 380

By Coaldust - 03/01/2017 02:02

Today, my niece stole a bottle of whiskey from me to mix with Monster and get drunk with her boyfriend. It was a bottle of 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle's that cost over $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 497

You deserved it 1 947

By curiousminx - 06/12/2016 02:32 - Australia - Morningside

Today, is my first day as a student nurse. It was also the first day I learnt I was allergic to latex gloves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 903

You deserved it 833

By kelscait - 01/07/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 956

You deserved it 57 211

By Beeky - 22/08/2014 13:14 - United States - Helena

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 913

You deserved it 3 225

By whatafuckhead - 23/11/2015 01:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it. Then I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 317

You deserved it 4 864

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 617

You deserved it 3 484

By Nosmie - 17/06/2019 15:03

Today, the worst part about not having a sense of smell is that I can’t tell if anyone ate pizza without me. Unless I see an empty box in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 250

By jazz - 22/01/2010 08:11 - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 5 736

Get creative

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 00:01

Today, I was put in charge of painting a storage shed. The company owner ordered me to paint it a shade of blue. The site manager order me to paint it red. My boss ordered green paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 49

By shit - 28/04/2016 11:05 - United States - Colonial Heights

Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 897

You deserved it 8 068

By pam - 03/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 134

You deserved it 7 918

Judge not

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 05:01

Today, my friend dragged me out of a movie because they swore a bit and there was drug use. Apparently, she's a Mormon now, and, "doesn't want her values compromised." This from the same girl who tried to get me to try crack a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 193

By caroline - 29/10/2015 20:02 - Germany

Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 260

You deserved it 2 917

What more do you want?

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 14:30

Today, I was told I don't qualify for disability benefits because I'm too young. I get this answer each time I apply, no matter how many lawyers and doctors I get. My mobility is so bad I've become wheelchair-bound and need assistance to bathe. How much worse do they want me to get? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 725

You deserved it 168

By bob7654 - 11/11/2016 02:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, my parents asked me if my girlfriend of two years and I wanted to go see a musical with them. I haven't told them that she broke up with me the day after she met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 185

You deserved it 2 087

By loser - 20/07/2009 22:39 - Canada

Today, I was testing out my new webcam on an msn Video Call with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. In an attempt to look cool, I pretended to have a very interesting phone conversation. Later I found out my webcam has a mic. She "heard" the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 366

You deserved it 69 219

By Kilania - 10/09/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 597

By elcee1987 - 06/10/2015 20:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 916

You deserved it 2 261

By floppy - 09/08/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 28/10/2013 04:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 583

You deserved it 3 585

Not this again

By Kurochrome - 18/07/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 192

You deserved it 3 510

By Anonymous - 10/11/2012 02:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 513

You deserved it 4 507

They're not real

By Boyufd - 05/11/2020 17:01

Today, my girlfriend, KNOWING I have severe arachnophobia, changed the wallpapers on my phone and tablet to pictures of tarantulas, all because she's mad at me. And she won't change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 327

Hey, Big Spender!

By El Sayer - 03/03/2020 23:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I put a lock on my account because of several unknown purchases for large amounts. Turns out it was my girlfriend, without asking. Who is now mad at me for blocking her parcels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 164

By aspiemeanswell - 05/11/2014 18:49 - Germany - Rudolstadt

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 762

You deserved it 3 292

That relationship is toast

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 18:01

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me and still played the victim. She went and told her friends that I didn't give her freedom. She said I didn't let her buy a toaster. We had an airfryer with a toast option! FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 122

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Top comments

Bloo2555 22

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Monday 5 February 2018 4:23

Dodged a bullet there.

DraftHail614 17

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Monday 12 February 2018 19:11

My guess is she wanted any kind of reason she could find to break up with you. You're better off anyway.

Bloo2555 22

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Monday 5 February 2018 4:23

Dodged a bullet there.

Soparot 29

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Tuesday 13 February 2018 20:04

Didn't really Dodge a bullet, just got hit with it sooner rather than later

DraftHail614 17

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Monday 12 February 2018 19:11

My guess is she wanted any kind of reason she could find to break up with you. You're better off anyway.

Chazzster 22

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Monday 12 February 2018 19:25

The only good thing is that this happened right before Valentines Day - Return the present if you bought one. OP - I am sorry that you were involved with someone so insecure and untrusting. I am assuming that “Mom” was really your mom. My experience is that there are two possible explanations for a person having such trust issues. Either they are untrustworthy themselves and think others are like them or they have been hurt by someone they trusted before.

DangerouslyRosy 8

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Monday 12 February 2018 20:17

Yeah, I'm in that boat. My last bf hurt me really badly, but the guy I'm with now is amazing, and I'm learning to trust again.

Ixasum 7

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Tuesday 13 February 2018 0:09

I don't subscribe to this mentality. It seems to me that failure to trust a current lover because of sins of past lover(s) is incredibly unfair and outright wrong. It isn't the current lover who wronged you so why should they have to deal with any trust issues left over from past lovers? It seems to me that if there are trust issues from past relationships then those should be dealt with before entering into a new relationship. You can trust without love but you cannot love without trust.

T1A2Z3 34

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Tuesday 13 February 2018 1:31

It's very hard to iron out all your problems before entering a relationship. People are flawed and most partners will accept that and maybe be more reasuring with their partners.

TheFireEternal 26

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Tuesday 13 February 2018 8:32

While I agree with you there, everyone is different with how they're coping. It's hard to chase away the feelings you were left with. I trust my boyfriend 100% that he would never hurt me, but I do still get scared and freak out when he's angry. It's hard to get over past drama, it takes time.

Rabite 28

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Tuesday 13 February 2018 15:54

Guess what? My current partner is not only dealing with problems from my last relationships but also with everything bad that happened to me over the course of my life because that's what makes us the persons we are. Having trust issues can come from underlying problems from the past or they are reinforced by it or they come from stuff in the past you wouldn't even connect with it. So in no way are you able to just totally deal with it after a bad relationship. And you can't just forget or negate everything you experienced in your life.

Ixasum 7

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Tuesday 13 February 2018 21:28

I feel sorry for your current partner. It is absolutely possible to deal with your emotions from past relationships. Just because you have bad memories is no excuse to carry the associated emotions into a new relationship. Go to a psychologist or counselor and work through those issues so that the next relationship can be seen for what it really is and not the tainted vision you have of it from past experiences. It's very selfish to get into a relationship where your partner has to "deal with" baggage from your past. It certainly sets the relationship up for failure if you can't pull it together faster than your partner grows weary of your insecurities and trust issues. Ultimately you end up in a vicious cycle of failed relationships that end with emotional scars, trust issues, insecurities and a bottle of Xanax and Prozac as your best friends.

tounces7 27

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Thursday 15 February 2018 6:23

It's not "fair" to burden new people with your old relationship problems, that much is true. But, it's unfortunately part of the package, and they have to take the entire package, not just part, if they want to be with you. Of course, it goes without saying if you have a lot of issues then you'd better make the rest of the package pretty attractive or you're gonna end up in the returns pile...

Rawrshi 25

Monday 12 February 2018 19:44

What were you texting to your mother that would warrant such a reaction?

Devilish_delight 8

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Monday 12 February 2018 19:53

Was her name Taylor Swift by any chance?

S6eyrkkht 12

Monday 12 February 2018 20:24

Sooo was it really your mom?! Or just listed in your contacts as mom? 🤣🤣

BiGTiMeNeRD 29

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Monday 12 February 2018 21:34

Is your name Oedipus? If so, you deserved it.

manb91uk 22

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Monday 12 February 2018 22:34

Your buddies called you “motherfucker” too many times, bro. Yeeaahh... You dodged a big-ass bullet

corky1992 33

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Monday 12 February 2018 23:07

You’re better off lol.

Kitsi 14

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Monday 12 February 2018 23:36

To be fair, no the name doesn't really matter. I mean it probably was your mom,but do you think no dude ever has changed names of contacts to hide the truth? Do I think she was hasty? Yes, of course. It sucks all around. I hope you can work it out if you still want to. Good luck to you.