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By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 18:01
Add a comment - Reply to : #
The only good thing is that this happened right before Valentines Day - Return the present if you bought one. OP - I am sorry that you were involved with someone so insecure and untrusting. I am assuming that “Mom” was really your mom. My experience is that there are two possible explanations for a person having such trust issues. Either they are untrustworthy themselves and think others are like them or they have been hurt by someone they trusted before.
I don't subscribe to this mentality. It seems to me that failure to trust a current lover because of sins of past lover(s) is incredibly unfair and outright wrong. It isn't the current lover who wronged you so why should they have to deal with any trust issues left over from past lovers? It seems to me that if there are trust issues from past relationships then those should be dealt with before entering into a new relationship. You can trust without love but you cannot love without trust.
While I agree with you there, everyone is different with how they're coping. It's hard to chase away the feelings you were left with. I trust my boyfriend 100% that he would never hurt me, but I do still get scared and freak out when he's angry. It's hard to get over past drama, it takes time.
Guess what? My current partner is not only dealing with problems from my last relationships but also with everything bad that happened to me over the course of my life because that's what makes us the persons we are. Having trust issues can come from underlying problems from the past or they are reinforced by it or they come from stuff in the past you wouldn't even connect with it. So in no way are you able to just totally deal with it after a bad relationship. And you can't just forget or negate everything you experienced in your life.
I feel sorry for your current partner. It is absolutely possible to deal with your emotions from past relationships. Just because you have bad memories is no excuse to carry the associated emotions into a new relationship. Go to a psychologist or counselor and work through those issues so that the next relationship can be seen for what it really is and not the tainted vision you have of it from past experiences. It's very selfish to get into a relationship where your partner has to "deal with" baggage from your past. It certainly sets the relationship up for failure if you can't pull it together faster than your partner grows weary of your insecurities and trust issues. Ultimately you end up in a vicious cycle of failed relationships that end with emotional scars, trust issues, insecurities and a bottle of Xanax and Prozac as your best friends.
It's not "fair" to burden new people with your old relationship problems, that much is true. But, it's unfortunately part of the package, and they have to take the entire package, not just part, if they want to be with you. Of course, it goes without saying if you have a lot of issues then you'd better make the rest of the package pretty attractive or you're gonna end up in the returns pile...
To be fair, no the name doesn't really matter. I mean it probably was your mom,but do you think no dude ever has changed names of contacts to hide the truth? Do I think she was hasty? Yes, of course. It sucks all around. I hope you can work it out if you still want to. Good luck to you.