Intimacy: Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored....

By xsnqw - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

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Intimacy

BO Central

Scammers scamming

Compassion

By Noname - United States

Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML

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By Anonymous

Complicated relationship

Today my girlfriend of three years broke up with me. Why? She wasn’t sure about the relationship anymore. She seemed pretty sure though, seeing she was on Tinder less than 2 hours after, thanks to the 3 different friends that all called me about it. FML

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By FYouBoyfriend - United States

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

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By ruffrider - United States

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

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By NotAMorningPerson - United States

Today, after informing my boss I needed stress leave from my 70 hour a week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week starting at 2am. FML

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By bdayboy - United States

Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

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By strandedguest - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

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By Hellish - United States - Gurnee

Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML

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By Giggity - United States

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

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By Dreamer - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

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By Meagan Ortiz - 16/8/2020 23:02

Wardrobe change please

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

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By Wellfu - Europe

Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML

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By lynn777 - Canada

Today, I was walking home through the slush and snow when a car drove by, soaking me with dirty water. Frustrated, I flipped him off. He then turned around and splashed me again. FML

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By nonexistant - Canada

Today, while I was at a business supply store, I decided to get my old paper birth certificate laminated so it wouldn't deteriorate further. The people working decided to wait until after it was done and I had paid to tell me that laminating a birth certificate voids it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

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By Theslacker... - United States - Coplay

Today, a number of people came to visit me in the hospital, including my grandparents. They called me "weak" and "a cowardly millennial" for going to the ER instead of sucking it up, and blamed me for rising healthcare costs. I had a compound fracture. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

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Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML

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By MsConfusedd - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Traverse City

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

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By anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

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By badmombadkids - 24/5/2020 02:00

Assholes, assholes everywhere

Today, my nephews decided to play with and break the antique hourglass I bought for my mom. It took months to find and cost nearly $500. When I told my sister, she refused to repay me and responded with, "What do you expect, they’re just little boys!" Her "little boys" are 12 and 14. FML

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By SK8WITME - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

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By Obviously works everywhere

The customer is always a dong

Today, a customer filed a formal complaint with corporate about me, because I wouldn't help her find things she wanted while I was off the clock. We were in a completely different store than the one where I actually work. FML

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By ... - United States - Clermont

Today, I arrived at work, only to find my computer's massive CRT monitor had been smashed up beyond belief. Everyone else has flat-screen monitors, and I'd made no secret of how unfair it is to me. According to my boss, this makes me the obvious culprit, and now I'm suspended. FML

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By Poolfool

Today, I went to play pool with a couple of friends. I'm not very good at this game. My friend beat me fair and square. Twice. He's blind. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a long flight. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a great girl. However, she must have thought I was not so great, because she moved to the empty seat across the aisle. Next to my dad. Who then told stories about how I always get motion sickness on airplanes. I then threw up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I shaved my vagina for the first time ever. Had sex with my husband and then asked if he liked that. He said, "You've done that before, though". I haven't. We've been married 15 years. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

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By ugh - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I crashed my car into a bridge, while playing a song with the line, "I crashed my car into a bridge". FML

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By littlelia

Mirror, mirror…

Today, my fiance's mother asked him how he can be with someone with chronic pain for the rest of his life. She has chronic health problems too, but doesn't see how this is a hypocritical question. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML

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By Anonymous

Big Little Lies

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for a guy. I was the only one who knew he was bisexual. Now everyone thinks I "turned him gay." FML

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By Toldyouso - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML

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By kyla - United States

Today, while shopping at American Eagle, I found the same "$1,500" wedding ring my fiancé proposed to me with, marked on sale for $10.95. FML

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By Awkward... - United States - Killeen

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML

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Top comments

By Kieranr10 | 23

#6515233 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 8:56

What would you think it looks like.

By olliebush123 | 15

#6515250 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 9:13

I hope your not the teacher

COMMENTS

By Kieranr10 | 23

#6515233 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 8:56

What would you think it looks like.

whysobeachy | 37

#6515652 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 20:18

I've been in OP's situation before (minus the dick part). I was just bored, and didn't really think about what it seemed like to others. It's kind of like when you end up staring at someone's crotch, while deep in thought about something.