Miscellaneous: Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's...

By atterz123 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

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Miscellaneous

Triage

Where are you?

Close Zoom, quick sharp

By Rescheduled - United States - Daly City

Today, after waiting months for an appointment with a doctor who specializes in the disease I have, I showed up at his practice, only to find the cops executing a search warrant. FML

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By dessy - United States - San Diego

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick up a few things from the store for him while he was at work. After picking up everything he asked for, I wasn't left with much money so I used $50 from my account. When he got home he then grumbled about me spending all of "his" money. FML

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12745

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By jessiethebestie - United States

Today, I learned that for the next two months I'll get to train physicians on how to use the computer program that has made my job obsolete. I've known this program was coming for months, but I didn't know it would be taking my job. FML

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By bchorror

One ring to…

Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 05:02

Contagion

Today, after bronchitis and a negative COVID test, I finally went back into my classroom for the last day before break. An hour after I got home, a parent contacted me to let me know her child (whom I helped all day) had tested positive and that I needed to quarantine. She thought I would, "want to know." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

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By TooYoungForThis

Benjamin Button

Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML

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By sosadbuttrue - Switzerland

Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML

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Today, I spent 4 hours making a cheesecake for my brother's girlfriend, which she begged me for a week to make. After my oven breaking and having to buy a new hand mixer, she tells me she's not going to eat it because this morning she decided to try being a vegan because, "it sounds interesting." FML

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By Devil's Pigeon

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

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By Queso Dog - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

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By fisted - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

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By poor excuse for a father

Today, my wife is out of the country so my daughter asked me for help. She'd tried waxing her "private bits" but it hurt too much so she left the strip stuck down there for nearly two days. I was so unable to handle the situation, I called my wife crying and begging her to come home and deal with it. FML

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2673

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By brainfart - 19/9/2020 10:01

Where is my mind?

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

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By iAmJasper - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

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By KayKay - United States - Ware

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

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By all puked out - Netherlands

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

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By sickyandiknowit - United States - Eugene

Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML

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By Maria - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Burnsville

Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML

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By Longhorn2011 - United States

Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML

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By Mr Pippin

Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML

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2900

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By BrokeButSmart - United States - Valparaiso

Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

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27945

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By mrsimintrouble - United States - Redding

Today, my first day on the job, I locked up the office after everyone left and set the alarm. An hour later, my new boss angrily emailed me that I locked him inside the building, setting off the alarm and prompting the entire police department to show up. FML

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By DroppedTheSoap - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

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1895

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

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25355

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2020 17:00

Fairytale ending

Today, as something cute to do, me and my boyfriend dressed as Snow White and the Prince so we could photograph the moment he kisses me and I wake up. He thought it would be funny to use his penis, so now there’s a picture of us dressed up with my dumb self kissing his penis with my eyes closed. FML

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1686

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By awesome

Today, my friends thought it would be hilarious to show me Marley and Me the day right after I had to put down my dog. I had my dog for 11 years. FML

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By HauntLife

Boo!

Today, rehearsals started for the haunted house I act in. As we were running through the house and reading through our lines, the set designer turned on the hydraulic pump to test something, accidentally causing a tumbling bookshelf effect to go off. Guess where I was standing. FML

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By Crash - United States - Hicksville

Today, I took my daughter out driving to practice for her road test. I told her to make a left into a parking lot. She missed the 30 foot wide entrance, but not the two foot wide tree. FML

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By vreenya - Chile - Santiago

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53524

You deserved it

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By HouseWife - United States - Valley Park

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50244

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

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4018

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML

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26609

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26635

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By Bailyboo - United States

Today, I admitted my fear of small spaces to my boyfriend. His response was to immediately lock me in the hall closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31072

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By ciararow - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally let me take his dog on a walk, after two years of not trusting me to keep her safe. During the walk, a car drove by, causing her to run after it and pulling the leash out of my hand. Five hours later, and I still can't find her. FML

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Top comments

By alwaysalady | 0

#1605 - Thursday 12 February 2009 18:28

I had a teacher who over an entire year never once called me by my right name. At least this one's trying even if he is being a jerk about it.

By rational_man | 0

#1629 - Thursday 12 February 2009 19:22

blackmail= A+

use this and other mistakes people make to your advantage, and maybe lay off the krispy cremes.

COMMENTS

By alwaysalady | 0

#1605 - Thursday 12 February 2009 18:28

I had a teacher who over an entire year never once called me by my right name. At least this one's trying even if he is being a jerk about it.

By TheHub | 0

#1612 - Thursday 12 February 2009 18:50

Fatness isn't some kind of incurable disease that entitles you to pity. It's something you brought upon yourself, and on top of that you're too weak-minded to go and do something about it.

By rational_man | 0

#1629 - Thursday 12 February 2009 19:22

blackmail= A+

use this and other mistakes people make to your advantage, and maybe lay off the krispy cremes.

insanelyXnikki | 18

#3895103 - Monday 16 January 2012 23:58

Bahahahah. Yes.

By NotoriousMandog | 0

#1660 - Thursday 12 February 2009 20:27

#7, you're a pretty awesome person

By wakeeee | 0

#1738 - Friday 13 February 2009 3:30

are you fat? then you probably deserve it

By d_dh2310 | 0

#3287 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 9:52

#7 and #16 have very good points :)
#7 I want to teach, (I'm in college and am pretty positive this is what I want to do), and you sound like a GREAT teacher :)

By Shalalalalala | 0

#208763 - Monday 18 May 2009 14:48

My teacher used to do that, next to my name it said 'pretty hairband' because I always wear headbands. Next to one guy's it said frog face. I feel for both of you.

8ccheng | 0

#381508 - Thursday 9 July 2009 10:02

#19 I LOL'd
Hahaha my cousin addresses me as tubby or tubtub or tubbytubtub or any variation in between although i have a six pack.... Its probably because I'm rather well endowed for an Asian girl lolololol

By Imranaziz | 0

#608825 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 19:48

tubby

By megastupid | 0

#979779 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 16:28

FYL for that appearing but YTD for letting yourself go. go exercise or something

By screelov | 0

#1242274 - Sunday 15 August 2010 1:09

are you completley stupid? the op could be thin, just not in the teachers eyes. stop assuming you idiot