Miscellaneous: Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 40

07/04/2017 04:00

Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 503

You deserved it 660

Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Batman

Taking liberties

10/09/2015 23:21

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 932

You deserved it 1 658

30/03/2012 16:44

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 351

You deserved it 14 775

24/08/2015 19:18

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 374

You deserved it 2 486

19/08/2014 00:23

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the girl I like. After awkwardly saying hi, I manage to work up a nice conversation with her. I thought everything was going well, until I got home and realized that she had stolen money out of my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 809

You deserved it 4 655

28/01/2010 10:24

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 232

You deserved it 43 101

22/08/2014 18:04

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 676

You deserved it 6 748

21/01/2009 14:23

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 378

You deserved it 28 165

Loyalty card

By fuck you sis - 12/10/2019 16:00

Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 194

You deserved it 159

28/08/2014 22:39

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 366

You deserved it 3 019

15/09/2012 00:03

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 567

You deserved it 3 695

16/11/2008 05:54

Today, my girlfriend said to me, "You know, you only have to wash 3 times a week to be clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 469

You deserved it 7 799

30/06/2009 14:45

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 106

You deserved it 7 311

05/06/2013 09:46

Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 156

You deserved it 13 175

12/10/2011 01:11

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 289

You deserved it 13 346

28/09/2009 18:25

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 929

You deserved it 6 661

13/08/2012 08:06

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 844

You deserved it 1 750

23/12/2013 21:10

Today, my husband and I were fighting over money. As we were arguing, our 13 year old daughter stole $250 dollars from my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 966

You deserved it 14 828

22/06/2012 21:13

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 854

You deserved it 2 302

Huge fan of his work

By [email protected] - 25/02/2009 07:42

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home, so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes, I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years, until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 142

You deserved it 4 342

26/02/2014 07:18

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 243

You deserved it 51 179

04/05/2011 10:01

Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 438

You deserved it 33 907

Faint praise

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 12:02

Today, we had a group of friends over, as well as my grandma. She started talking about me when I was a kid, when I suddenly heard her saying, "Well, yeah, she wasn’t a beautiful child, not at all, she looked.… OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 65

12/03/2014 03:34

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 822

You deserved it 6 094

14/12/2013 06:38

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 018

You deserved it 11 365

Issues

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 143

27/08/2015 16:42

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 638

You deserved it 1 722

Not sporty

By Hannah - 22/03/2012 17:21

Today, I passed a field where some kids were playing football. The ball rolled over in my direction, so they asked me to kick it over. I tried and failed three times, and ended up throwing it over, where it embarrassingly landed about 2 feet away. They had to come over and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 125

You deserved it 10 865

28/02/2017 04:00

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 248

You deserved it 1 570

The Terror

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 06:00

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 132

22/10/2012 16:09

Today, I finally found a cute dress that hugged my curves and hid my imperfections. I wore it to my friend's house, and was feeling pretty good about myself, until some pregnant woman walked into the room wearing the exact same thing. It was a maternity dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 554

You deserved it 7 243

14/04/2012 04:57

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 944

You deserved it 4 307

06/06/2016 11:58

Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 408

You deserved it 1 521

23/07/2015 15:07

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 761

You deserved it 2 648

18/10/2010 11:52

Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 633

You deserved it 34 643

30/05/2013 22:32

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 449

You deserved it 53 181

15/10/2015 04:43

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 920

You deserved it 2 154

11/03/2010 23:00

Today, while cleaning my car, I found my mother's underwear in the backseat. She'd borrowed my car last weekend because hers had been in the shop and she'd been called in to work. I see she put in for overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 649

You deserved it 2 241

12/12/2009 07:28

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 828

You deserved it 4 309

13/08/2009 19:47

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 376

You deserved it 146 754

06/05/2013 06:49

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 702

You deserved it 6 443

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