Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

by ash / 01/14/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML

by me / 01/13/2011 at 3:48pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML

by notapedobear / 01/13/2011 at 3:21am / Kids

Today, when I went to pick my kid up from daycare, I found out that he had run away. The rest of my afternoon consisted of me screaming his name, looking for him. I then returned to the daycare center. He thought it would be funny if he hid in the trash. FML

by tatortot7707 / 01/12/2011 at 11:42pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, my husband of 19 years took our children out for dinner, told them he's gay, then sent them home to tell me for him. FML

by trifioso / 01/08/2011 at 8:56am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally found out why my fish were dying in their tank. My younger sister had been spraying detergent in there because she wanted "to make the fish smell like lemons". FML

by carrottop / 01/07/2011 at 7:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2011 at 3:03am / United States / Kids

Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 10:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I have been teaching my 5 year-old step-daughter how to read and write. She came bounding up to me with a piece of paper and said, "look what I did". It was a letter that said "My dad misses my real mommy, not you". FML

by yingyang2 / 01/05/2011 at 9:19pm / United States / Kids