Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML
Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML
Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML
Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML
Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML
Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Well, acknowledging you have a problem is the first step..
FunnyGuy5051 7
I think they thought you were more drunk than pathetic
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Comments (41)
Livinia 11
That is pretty pathetic.
TookaWooka666 0
Make sure to get enough to pass out afterwards.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
true losers drink bourbon, winners drink vodka. :)
MRobvious750 0
13- I couldn't have said it better myself.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Who needs vodka? Red Bull is the drink for men!
abeastmuffin 1
naw its beer and whiskey
abeastmuffin 1
actually people that are WINNING drink tigers blood :D
urdirtyolduncle 15
**** that.. didn't you learn anything from an earlier FML about that cool dad who was chugging down beer at his AA meeting? Quitting is for losers!
rangerguy 0
your pathetic!
ahole123 0
Wait, so you're an achoholic in denial that doesn't deny that you're an alcholic?
FunnyGuy5051 7
I think they thought you were more drunk than pathetic
XxEmoSnowboarder 8
nice pic :) lol
FunnyGuy5051 7
you 2, I love escape the fate
XxEmoSnowboarder 8
im OBBSESSED with them!!! lol
TylerX 0
Awwwww, that's so cute.
volley4eva1698 0
it's adorable?...
XxEmoSnowboarder 8
lol ^
Doortje 30
Well, acknowledging you have a problem is the first step..
nate_msm 0
the next step is to buy the dam thing crack it open and drink
MRobvious750 0
23- very true, then you won't care what the strangers at the store think. If you're a friendly drunk then maybe you'll make a drunk friend.
nate_msm 0
win for everyone
mk58 31
That's just what I was going to say, 4!
Nikkitaria 9
You're not in denial if you just admitted it.
allyssalopez 0
Haha. So true:D
Blueglasscup 18
Well the first step is admitting you have a problem?
Blueglasscup 18
Whoops number 4 wrote pretty much what I wrote. -feels stupid-
nate_msm 0
and so you should. lol only messing
EvilPotato 15
I agree
Jazzalyn 10
Agreed with the whole "admitting it is the first step". Next time - maybe keep the conversation in your head. I do that when I'm buying stuff, but because I don't do it out loud, I don't get strange looks.
bubblekitty 1
what's bourbon? -.- I am dumb I know. but seriously. what is that?
Doortje 30
It's a type of whole grain bread.
iLazy 0
It's CHOCOLATE
stayawakee 0
It's a type of chicken.
PSQ91 6
Type of Whisky.
Doortje 30
Yeah, it would be really convenient if only there was a website where you could type a word and it would give you a definition.. If only :(
iLazy 0
Too bad all those are just rumours...
iranoutofnames 6
the best part is shes still oblivious haha
bubblekitty 1
easier to make others do the work for u in searching a word than actually doing the work yourself. plus it was really late and I needed to get some sleep n I wanted to wale up n check to see what the answer were from comments. sorry u guys if u can't handle a question. I guess a person from another country like me doesn't have a life for asking a question. my bad to all of u smart people out there.
Doortje 30
Oh PLEASE, even if you don't know what it is, it's pretty obvious by just reading the FML.
bubblekitty 1
I wanted to know an exact answer. wow my bad for even existing for asking such a dumb question. haha get a life u guys didn't even have a reason to post anything. but u wanna act like ur so smart go ahead post anything. I specifically said that I am dumb. so I don't see a reason for u guys to make me see that after I actually admitted it.
Doortje 30
If you want to know an exact answer, just google it. It literally takes less than 5 seconds to go to google, type in bourbon and view the first link which says "Bourbon is a type of American whiskey – a barrel-aged distilled spirit made primarily from corn." So there, you have your exact answer. Next time do it yourself, so you won't look like the dumb twat you are.
bubblekitty 1
haha pick on the dumb kid to make u feel smarter. that's the spirit. congratulations
TempestRain 0
We could tell by your name that you are dumb, we could tell by your question that you are an idiot, and we can tell now by your comments that you are a lazy defensive ass. Its fine to ask a question, but don't get all pissy when people answer it! ugh. Idiot.
bubblekitty 1
if u think those are answers then who is the idiot really?
iLazy 0
Depends how you view it?
bubblekitty 1
I just tried to make a conversation and it worked. bye :)
iLazy 0
Ugh ye ok so I guess your question on who is the idiot is rhetorical since you just tried to start a conversation on a website with a one minute wait before posting another message?
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Doortje - Location: The Netherlands iLazy - Location: Singapore TempestRain - Location: Greece So, which country are you referring to, exactly? Also, people aren't picking on you because you're dumb. They're picking on you because you're OK with staying that way, and you're asking others to compensate for it.
Sirin_fml 47
This thread is stupid, the thread starter is stupid, and that's about it. Either bother to look a word up yourself and be enlightened, or just remain content in your arrogant ignorance. Stop trying to have the best of both worlds.
Tcaret300 12
I only laugh when someone is being refreshingly stupid, and you ma'am have fulfilled that for me. Good day!
katie72 6
does your Internet seriously not have google? or are you just really young? I assumed you are ten, from the spelling, the grammar, the name...
stayawakee 0
At least you know how pathetic you are.
ItWasAllWorthIt 0
Right, which makes him a teeny bit less pathetic.