by ghostninja4593 / 12/01/2016 at 10:48pm / United States (Iowa) / Health
by CheeseLover / 12/01/2016 at 7:44pm / United States (Texas) / Geek
by BohGlam / 12/01/2016 at 3:30pm / Work
Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML
Solano2580's comment : Either write another review saying how annoyingly persistent they are to get it removed, or report them to someone. Fuck it, do both.
by buttpain / 12/01/2016 at 1:29pm / Kids
Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML
Tripartita's comment : If you need help gathering the pieces, I've heard all the king's horses and all the king's men are pretty good. Note: if you want the egg put back to together again, however, you'll need to look elsewhere.
Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML
by anonymous / 12/01/2016 at 11:00am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of an unresolved issue, the dealership mistakenly reported the rental vehicle I'm using in the meantime as stolen. The police surrounded my work as I was meeting with a potential client. FML
by GTA_VI / 11/30/2016 at 8:02pm / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML
by heaventlyassbutt / 11/30/2016 at 7:45am / United States (New York) / Work
egnur_mas's comment : I'm unsure why it took you 27 years to do this. I understand it can be embarrassing but in my mind it's even more embarrassing to have this happen to you during the day.
Today, I discovered that when my doctor said my new medication "may cause sensitivity to sunlight" what he meant was "sit in total darkness during the day or your skin will feel like its burning off." FML
Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML
by betterpianist / 11/29/2016 at 4:04pm / United States / Love
Today, I've been working abroad. The holiday request I put in two months ago and that was verbally approved came back denied today as they can't find cover. I have already booked my flights, can't cancel them, and I get to spend Christmas alone. FML
by chessu / 11/29/2016 at 1:47pm / Work