FML : Your everyday life stories

Weirdest FMLs of the Day Most Commented FMLs of the Day

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

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By Oops - / Sunday 9 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I finally got past my anxiety and confessed my feelings to the guy I like and have been intimate with. He responded that he just still wants to be close friends with me and still bang me monogamously but with no relationship... FML

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By Crushed - / Sunday 9 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting on one knee, he farted. FML

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By amelie - / Sunday 9 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose ‘to prove that she’s responsible’. FML

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By Erica - / Sunday 9 December 2018 13:00 / Australia - Sydney

Today, while enjoying a nice drive on my motorcycle, I got into an accident. I was lucky to have minor injuries, but my bike was totaled. When I got home, I found the driver of the car that hit me sitting in my living room. My partner introduced us by saying, “and this is my gay lover, grandpa.” FML

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By Nonbikerbiker - / Saturday 8 December 2018 22:00 /

When I try to quit junk food

I'm not a quitter!

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By Lewis - / Saturday 8 December 2018 18:00 /

Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML

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By yuck - / Sunday 9 December 2018 03:30 / Australia - Melbourne

Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks. Recently I hid a bottle of booze in my room so my parents wouldn’t see it. But my parents saw a rat in my room and tore the whole thing apart to find it, eventually finding my bottle instead. I was literally ratted out by a rat. FML

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By I’m screwed - / Saturday 8 December 2018 15:30 /

Today as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying "by him, I mean Jesus". FML

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By Jesusman - / Saturday 8 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I was playing card games with some colleagues a won a hand. One mate said jokingly "your mother never loved you!", I replied jokingly "at least your mother loved me"... All of a sudden he punched in the face and said, "don't ever disrespect my mother again". FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 8 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML

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By - / Friday 7 December 2018 20:00 / United States - Los Angeles

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

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By - / Friday 7 December 2018 20:00 / United States - Huntsville

A real friend never lets you go

Friendship is no joke

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By Lewis - / Saturday 8 December 2018 00:30 / France - Paris

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

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By - / Friday 7 December 2018 16:00 / United States - Zephyrhills

Today, I have laryngitis and can’t speak at all. I went to make myself some breakfast and my mom kept asking me questions, to which I replied with nods and head shakes. She said, in a condescending voice, that I need to use my “big girl words” and will keep using her “baby voice” until I do so. FML

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By speechless - / Friday 7 December 2018 11:30 / United States

Today, my coworker spilled sticky fruit glaze all over my cake display cake and left it overnight uncleaned. The same display case I spent 2 hours cleaning the day before. FML

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By Kaitlyn Aronson - / Friday 7 December 2018 15:30 /

Today, I’d finally saved up enough to buy flights home for Christmas. After putting in the info several times, it wouldn’t work, so my husband decided to try and “help.” Not only did he buy flights to the wrong place, but now I have to wait another 5-7 days to be refunded. FML

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By MrsGrinch - / Friday 7 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML

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By - / Friday 7 December 2018 07:30 / United States - Rockville Centre

Today my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom to check if I was cheating...... I wasn't. He was looking for some leverage so when he told me he's been fucking my bestfriend for the last year, he could use something against me... FML

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By Ms.rain - / Friday 7 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, stopping at a rest plaza, the cashier at Wendy’s asked my best friend if I was her mom. We are only two years apart. FML

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By doilookold - / Friday 7 December 2018 05:00 /

Today my job started requiring all transactions regarding cigarettes or alcohol to have the ID scanned before proceeding. There is no way yo bypass this function. I carded a 60 year old man and his 40 year old son who both yelled at me for 10 minutes. FML

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By IDPlease - / Friday 7 December 2018 03:00 /

Instant regret

Don't start a fight you're not ready to win...

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By Lewis - / Friday 7 December 2018 00:30 /

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

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By - / Thursday 6 December 2018 21:00 / United Kingdom - Glasgow

How's your week going?

Everything is under control...

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By Lewis - / Thursday 6 December 2018 18:00 /

Today, I found out my school's financial aid had a "misunderstanding" of my finances, I can no longer afford to pay half of my bills or pay for Christmas. FML

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By Geezum Crow - / Thursday 6 December 2018 17:30 /

Today I picked my baby up from my babysitter's house. As I was getting him ready for bed, I saw blood and immediately went into a panic, rushing to the hospital and trying to contact her to see if my baby fell and she didn't tell me. Turns out it was just hot Cheeto dust mixed with drool. FML

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By dusty - / Thursday 6 December 2018 15:30 /

Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML

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By sigsigsignify - / Thursday 6 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I work in retail and today this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML

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By iwillcutyou - / Thursday 6 December 2018 07:30 / United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I decided to try an online therapy site seeing as I have been feeling very lonely and don’t have any friends to talk to about my issues. After filling out all the initial forms, the site told me there was no one available to speak to me. FML

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By Spencer - / Thursday 6 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, I used my rear windsheild wiper and it shattered a large hole in the glass where the rotating part is. No one can repair the window until tomorrow afternoon. It's snowing. FML

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By Crystal Crackles - / Thursday 6 December 2018 05:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today, the girl i am in love with drunk texted me that she loves me. That's the second time this has happened. She cannot even say she has feelings for...

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Today, I was put in the middle of a decision; either sleep without a heater on and see my breath at night, or sleep with a heater, and risk heat stroke....

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World

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped...

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Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

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