Today, I found out my father's girlfriend is moving in with us. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend. FML

by MissMoonpie / 08/27/2016 at 8:21am / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML

by JTinNJ / 08/27/2016 at 7:57am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my husband told me that, "a girl's orgasm serves no purpose". FML

Garnetshaddow's comment : I suppose that depends on his definition of "purpose." Does he ever want to have sex with you again? He may change his answer.

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

by outofluckatcollege / 08/27/2016 at 3:33am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

by young and dumb / 08/27/2016 at 2:27am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

baxeh's comment : Well good news is, since he got drunk enough on your special day, to be put in jail before you consummated your marriage, you could probably get it annulled quite easily... If he's lied to you about his legal troubles before he's probably not gonna stop any time soon OP. Best of luck to you.

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Today, my boyfriend showed me his need for speed. It was amazing, except he showed it to me with my new car while running away from the cops. FML

Today, it's my birthday. I share it with a guy I've been seeing for over six months. I showed up with a handmade pie and a gift bag. His ex-girlfriend accepted it for him, as he was busy. FML

by lostmykeys / 08/03/2016 at 6:44pm / Love

Today, I was working at the hospital and it was very busy. Unthinking, I told a patient in a wheelchair to "sit tight" while I checked on something. He mocked me for the rest of his stay. FML

by anon / 08/02/2016 at 11:28pm / Work

zaidthunder1's comment : Your patient has a good sense of humour.

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Today, I got called for a job that I applied to 2 months ago, just to ask me if I had an older brother that could work for them. FML

by M3DO / 08/02/2016 at 9:04pm / Work

Today, I found out that the woman who has been secretly sexting my husband for the last two months is my new co-worker. I have to train her. FML

Today, my boyfriend of three years asked me if I ever wanted to get married. I said yes. He said, 'But what happens if you never find a guy who likes you that much?' FML

by I guess not / 08/02/2016 at 9:24am / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

by sick and lonely / 08/26/2016 at 11:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my soon-to-be ex-wife decided she'll be moving into my apartment complex. She always goes out of her way to pick fights with me every chance she gets, has alienated my children from me and has made what should be a very simple divorce into a ridiculously long and contentious one. FML

by stillnotdivorced / 08/26/2016 at 9:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.