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Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

#21381329
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27731) - you deserved it (3743)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Markovski's comment : That's rude. A dad should be more mindful and respectful, ESPECIALLY at a time like this.

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Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

#21381305
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27348) - you deserved it (4025)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

WCARlover's comment : It's scary that there are workforce-aged people thinking like your coworkers 0.o

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Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

#21381199
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24626) - you deserved it (3036)

On 03/25/2015 at 9:10am - misc - by peele - Estonia (Harjumaa)

EmmaRey's comment : Time to perfect a new signature.

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Today, I got fired for having a visible tattoo on my neck. The tattoo in question is a scar from a surgery I had 2 months ago. The same one paid for by my employer's insurance and missed 2 weeks of work for. FML

#21381191
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28699) - you deserved it (1740)

On 03/25/2015 at 8:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

#21381127
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25172) - you deserved it (2251)

On 03/25/2015 at 2:26am - kids - by ILoveLamps (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

#21381106
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25674) - you deserved it (4039)

On 03/25/2015 at 1:42am - love - by Julie - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

#21381072
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25538) - you deserved it (2623)

On 03/25/2015 at 12:24am - health - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24109) - you deserved it (2388)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I arrived at work to find out someone had signed me up to a dating site. Apparently, my inability to speak to women has reached "boss level". Quite literally, as my boss was the one who signed me up. FML

#21380719
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25091) - you deserved it (2779)

On 03/24/2015 at 1:09pm - love - by ctmoto77 - United States (California)

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

#21380708
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25840) - you deserved it (3294)

On 03/24/2015 at 12:51pm - misc - by faaail - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

#21380706
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26654) - you deserved it (4377) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/24/2015 at 8:58am - love - by chassezlenaturel (woman) - Belgium

Today, an old lady was walking behind me. She tripped and started to fall, so naturally I turned and outstretched my arms to catch her, but was too late. A man turned just in time to see an old lady on the ground with me with my arms stretched out. I now have a black eye. FML

#21380543
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28598) - you deserved it (2132)

On 03/24/2015 at 2:58am - misc - by why me - United States (Georgia)

Today, I overheard my co-workers referring to me as "Uncle Fester". This is apparently my nickname around the office, and has been for nearly three years. I had no idea. FML

#21380389
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24206) - you deserved it (2328)

On 03/23/2015 at 9:49pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (West Virginia)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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