Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

#21393558
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29924) - you deserved it (2934)

On 04/14/2015 at 2:15pm - work - by Anyonexx0 - United States (District of Columbia)

nichollelovins's comment : Work smart not hard.

See all the comments →

Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML

#21393492
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27642) - you deserved it (2232)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:49am - health - by TheGoodSister - Ireland (Dublin)

Donuts202's comment : Did you explain to her that being pregnant and going through labor is 100x worse than getting a period? And the fact that raising a child isn't exactly a piece of cake either?

See all the comments →

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

#21393477
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22689) - you deserved it (3238)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:08am - health - by howaboutthemcarrots - Finland (Southern Finland)

saffy66's comment : Are you sure something went bad? If you've been eating unhealthy and low fibre food, it may just be your body's response to the sudden influx of raw juice and fibre. Sometimes you need to start slow when making dietary changes. But good on you for doing something positive for your health.

See all the comments →

Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML

#21393415
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21843) - you deserved it (2190)

On 04/14/2015 at 7:50am - work - by OptMouse (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

#21393386
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26532) - you deserved it (2800)

On 04/14/2015 at 4:33am - intimacy - by Lebac - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

#21393373
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25140) - you deserved it (3484)

On 04/14/2015 at 3:21am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

#21393221
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23856) - you deserved it (1778)

On 04/13/2015 at 9:50pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

#21393183
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24917) - you deserved it (2523)

On 04/13/2015 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

#21392927
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30477) - you deserved it (2442)

On 04/13/2015 at 12:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

#21392914
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25259) - you deserved it (4744)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:40am - health - by gottaflossmoreoften (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

#21392908
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24267) - you deserved it (4770)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

#21392817
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27667) - you deserved it (2468)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:46am - kids - by transcendingnerd (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

#21392816
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30926) - you deserved it (2668)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:43am - love - by whymanwhy (woman) - Czech Republic



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: