Your everyday life stories

981

478

Today, my mother-in-law moved in with my husband and I, where she shits the bed and herself. There's a waiting list for the nursing home, so in the meantime I’m cleaning up her shit and she isn’t even my mother. FML

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 05:04

Free carer

756

181

Today, after getting in bed after a long day, I decided I would relieve some tension. Just as I'm ready to pop, in walks my grandma. I explode. My grandma, without missing a beat, just says, "Get cleaned up and go to bed. It's after twelve o'clock, you have to work in the morning." FML

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 20:02 - United States - Onancock

How? Why?

724

241

Today, my boyfriend accidentally synced his contacts to my phone. I'm not sure who I want to message first, "Amber (Big Ass)", "Kayla (Baby Girl)", or one of the other 64 with similar descriptions in parentheses. FML

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 23:01

You've got some explaining to do

1053

Today, I had a woman throw a clipboard and yell at me to then storm off, still yelling in the mall where I work, all because I'd told her it was too late to do a piercing tonight. FML

By Samantha - 19/11/2020 13:08 - United States - Kingsport

Ma'm, we closed 10 minutes ago

701

Today, I start my second week of jury duty. I was only supposed to do one week of jury duty and then go on a week of a pre-paid vacation. Instead, I’m required to go back to court this week, I’m spending my evenings doing my regular job, and I lost nearly $1,000 that I pre-paid for lodging. FML

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 11:03 - United States - Fairfax

The jury's out on this one

859

Today, I did laundry with one of my new white sweaters and other light-colored clothes. After it all went through the dryer, I found out there are now dark shades on it and it looks like a years-old old sweater, and can't be cleaned. I didn't even get a chance to put it on once. FML

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:08 - United States - San Mateo

Laundry drama

381

583

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. My 3 best friends, who I've known since I was born, supported me by asking for her number, and now all are trying to date her. FML

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 11:01

Sharing is caring

914

Today, I found out my cat had died overnight at the vet's. She died alone in the dark, in a cage. Meanwhile, Donald Trump, an old, narcissistic, overweight sack of shit, survived COVID with millions of tax payer dollars in healthcare. I'd rather my cat had been the one to live; at least she made life nicer. FML

By Robert - 19/11/2020 08:08

Man spitting truth bombs over here

1207

672

Today, I learnt my boyfriend has just been using me for character development for the last 5 years. FML

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:02

The movie of my life

718

Today, I heard my sisters fighting downstairs, so I went down to see what all the commotion was about. As I entered the room, one of them picked me up and threw me at the other one. FML

By Mr.Incognito-san - 19/11/2020 02:02

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

818

103

Today, I’ve dreamt of going back to high school so many times, every morning I wake up thinking I finished it twice and still have all my friends. FML

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 17:02 - United States

No friends left

590

106

Today, I shaved my legs. It's been so long since I've shaved that my razor broke. FML

By AloneAtPerkins - 18/11/2020 13:02 - United States - West Bend

Tree trunks

584

242

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

By Spoopy Flame III - 18/11/2020 17:02

Academia ain't for everyone

671

209

Today, my mother and I got complimented on how we look alike. She's a German blonde and I was adopted from Vietnam. FML

By Akwa - 18/11/2020 14:02 - United Kingdom

You're just saying that…

778

Today, I was at work at a coffee shop. We charge 50 cents every 15 minutes of use of our computers. An old man tried sneaking out without paying after being at a computer. As I was telling him to pay for his time, he threw a bagel at me and ran to his car. FML

By huntbluntz95 - 18/11/2020 11:01

Cheapskate on the run

789

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 01:08 - United States - Joplin

Mortified

817

183

Today, I blew Christmas out of my nose. Out of one nostril came thick green mucus, and out of the other, thick red blood. Let the holiday season begin. FML

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Burlington

Themed

726

Today, I'm working retail where masks are mandatory. A gentleman comes in with his mask below his chin. I politely say, "Hey dude, if you’re gonna shop here I'm going to need you to keep that mask on properly", to which he replies, "Fuck you, you stupid little bitch." FML

By tlowbrim - 18/11/2020 02:02

We live in a society

1061

197

Today, I fell asleep at work. I got woke up by my boss with a coffee and a referral letter. FML

By Dan - 17/11/2020 22:58

Bye bye

301

881

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

By Jenson - 17/11/2020 19:05 - United Kingdom

Size Queen

1374

104

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML

By laurenh211 - 17/11/2020 17:02 - United Kingdom

It was the painkillers, I swear

1055

Today, I was cleaning out my deceased father's closet and found 4 boxes of BDSM porn videos, magazines and DVDs. To save his dignity, I hid them in my room to throw away on garbage day. My mom found the boxes in my room and now wants me to go to therapy. I'm only 16. FML

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 14:01

Thanks Dad

1195

138

Today, after hours of waiting and $300 spent, I find out my transmission is dying. My car is old, so the price of rebuilding it is more than it's worth. That's money well spent. FML

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 04:56 - United States - Marietta

Bye Herbie

695

Today, while sitting on a bench drawing, some guy went up to me, yelled, “YOUR ART SUCKS” and flipped my sketchpad out of my hands. I’d been working on that piece for hours and now there’s a big black pencil streak on it. FML

By annie - 17/11/2020 00:08 - United States - Denver

Ruined art

1145

Today, I travelled by myself for the first time. I was seated next to a middle-aged man who was trying to convince me that I was his soulmate, kept touching my face and sniffing me. I'm 19 and it was a 6 hour flight. FML

By Oddy - 17/11/2020 05:02 - Italy

Keep your distance

1047

Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 02:02

Father, you mean father

953

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years dumped me, after he intentionally made me fat so that I wouldn't leave him. FML

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 23:01

Feeders

591

788

Today, in a bid to avoid going to the dentist, my husband decided to have one of his drunk buddies pull his tooth out with pliers. Now he has to have surgery to remove the shards of tooth left rotting in his mouth. It’s going to cost thousands. Thanks babe. FML

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 20:02

This guy is a GENIUS

988

Today, I cracked an egg which turned out to have an extremely thin shell, so at first contact with the bowl, it came apart in my hand and the contents glooped right through my fingers, all the way down the kitchen cabinet, into a half-open drawer, as well as onto the floor and underneath the cabinet. FML

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 17:02 - Germany

The Blob

721

240