Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML

by sleepylillion / 04/25/2016 at 1:07am / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Historical FMLToday, while crossing Abbey Road, a police officer gave us a ticket because we didn’t notice that the red lights had changed. FML - The Beatles

by The Beatles / England / Published in 39 before FML

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

by jlw1998 / 04/25/2016 at 12:36am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Rozeyyy's comment : This FML is the kind that requires a follow up to be fully understood. Did your girlfriend break up with you because of the cat?? Did the cat kill her!? What happened??

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Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

by hotmess / 04/24/2016 at 11:49pm / United States (Texas) / Love

newthoughts_'s comment : Ydi. Couldn't you go inside to do all that?

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Today, I’m at this huge beach party in Thailand. I kiss a beautiful girl and decide to take it to the next level. While putting my hand under her skirt, I feel something out of place. I look at her and she says, “What? You prefer ladies?” FML

by g / 04/22/2008 at 1:53am / Thailand

Historical FMLToday, due to intense deforestation, my wife Jane and I have to take several transfer vines to get to work. FML - Tarzan

by Tarzan / The Jungle / Published in 96 before FML

Today, Sigfried and Roy annoyed the wrong tiger, again. FML

On 04/25/2016 at 11:25am
© E.Keller

Today, after a disastrous IQ test, my doctor let me look at my brain scan. FML

On 04/25/2016 at 11:22am
© istock/alacatr

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

by Fuck's sake! / 04/24/2016 at 9:34pm / Singapore / Work

CheekyRaccoon's comment : I've heard the expression robbing people blind, but actually robbing the blind of more money than others? In hindsight he never saw it coming.

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Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

by Why / 04/24/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

by need new job / 04/24/2016 at 2:12pm / Germany / Work

Today, I watched a large, sweaty woman stick a hairbrush down her shirt to scratch a rash on her back, before putting it back on the shelf. FML

by TheSneakyNugget / 04/24/2016 at 11:18am / United States (California) / Health

Today, as I was getting out of the car, my 7-year-old son opened the door for me. I thought it was very gentlemanly of him to do that, until he smashed my thumb with the car door. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2016 at 10:38am / United States (California) / Kids