Today, I found out that I'm not welcome at my boyfriend's dad funeral, because his ex-wife has invited herself, and it would be too awkward to explain to his extended family, most of whom apparently don't yet know that he's divorced. FML

by sig / 11/22/2016 at 8:54am / Love

Tripartita's comment : That actually makes tons of sense. It didn't before I spent a few solid hours banging my head against a wall, but now it's clear as day.

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Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

by Bawsack / 11/22/2016 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Health

Today, we finally got paperwork saying we were approved for a loan to buy a house! The only problem? It's not eligible for the county we live in. FML

by buttsmcgee / 11/22/2016 at 2:05am / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

by Firequeen / 11/21/2016 at 4:44pm / Holidays

siggy_mcsigx's comment : This could have happened to anyone who used the bathroom vent. It isn't your fault their house has faulty wiring.

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Today, I yelled at a new employee for violating the company's makeup policy which is minimum coverage. She had red lipstick, very dark drawn eyebrows, and foundation that made her look like a ghost. She took out a makeup wipe and used it then showed me it, only to reveal she doesn't wear any. FML

by SorrySnowWhite / 11/21/2016 at 3:13pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

ThirteenThirteen's comment : didn't have to yell at her ffs

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Today, my neighbour almost ran over my little sister, and blamed it on his disability. What disability? He has no sense of smell. FML

by 4lphab3t4 / 11/21/2016 at 10:22am / Kids

Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML

by _kristaaxo / 11/21/2016 at 4:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my wife and I both got released from the hospital. She was admitted for the birth of our daughter. I was admitted with a broken arm from when my mother-in-law shoved me out of the way because she wanted to be the first one to hold the baby after my wife. FML

by Crazy In-Laws / 11/20/2016 at 5:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML

by Nicoleanne / 11/20/2016 at 9:08am / Intimacy

Today, my soon-to-be husband showed up with an animal print suit at our engagement ceremony. FML

by in love with an idiot / 11/20/2016 at 6:47am / Angola (Luanda) / Love

Today, I was so desperate for a friend that I posted a Craigslist ad to find one. Now my phone's filled with spam and I still don't have any friends. FML

by StillFriendless / 11/25/2016 at 10:20am / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

by SupermarketSally / 11/25/2016 at 8:45am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

2016/11/26
The Illustrated

Illustration by Plume   Their interview