Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2016 at 9:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

mich_fml's comment : That sucks OP , start charging gas money ??

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Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML

by not amused / 05/19/2016 at 5:01am / Ireland (Cork) / Geek

Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML

by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

magiotti's comment : You and your husband sound like you have a great relationship!

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2016/05/19
Blog

Today, my mom corrected all the spelling mistakes in my diary. FML

by Anonyme / 01/04/2011 at 6:30am / Algeria

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

by Ants everywhere but my pants / 05/18/2016 at 10:35pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML

by sociallyawkward / 05/18/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, I took my AP US History exam. For some reason, my school let the school nurse proctor the exam. She read the instructions for the wrong test and told us to seal up our tests, despite having another section left in that book. She wouldn't listen to us when we tried to tell her. FML

by soccerswim20 / 05/18/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

1991stealth's comment : Tell the teacher and maybe you'll get to take it again. If everyone's missing the same section, something is obviously wrong.

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Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

by CarouselHeart / 05/18/2016 at 4:09pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Health

Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML

by ash / 05/18/2016 at 4:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, the lawn I've been devoting all my efforts to saving from a nasty grub infestation isn't going to make it, but apparently the grass I noticed growing in my gutters is doing just fine. FML.

by lifedownthegutter / 05/18/2016 at 2:21pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a Uber driver, a passenger requested a ride at 5:30 a.m. so he could go a half block to the McDonald's drive thru and back. FML

by aviationgeek / 05/18/2016 at 2:18pm / United States (Washington) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, fourth day of vacation in paradise, I’m in Bali, Indonesia. I’m suffering from a violent turista. Between two attacks, I found by miracle a diosmectite that I drank bottom up. It was tap water. FML

by Benlaloose / 07/06/2010 at 11:31pm / Indonesia (Jawa Timur)