Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

by thereisnobaby / 10/06/2016 at 7:55am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

by Pissed.Off.Mom. / 10/06/2016 at 1:14am / United States (Texas) / Kids

ab290's comment : I'm assuming you are not her drug dealer?

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Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very much, young man.” FML

by Femme / 02/16/2012 at 11:41am / Russia

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

by RickTooBomb / 10/05/2016 at 11:23am / United States (Virginia) / Work

TXfmylifer's comment : Dude, unsafe working conditions. You can probably contact someone at OSHA and report whoever made you park it. Seriously, no shit.

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Today, I finally got the courage to ask my boss why the flowers I got her for her birthday the other day were in the conference room and not her office. She told me she was allergic to them and she had such a bad reaction that it made her go home early. I made my boss sick on her birthday. FML

by onlyolivia / 10/05/2016 at 10:43am / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, recent construction has created a manhole that cars slam over every single morning. This normally starts at 4 a.m. as people make their early commute on my busy street. With every car that hits it, there's a huge echoing slamming noise. FML

by martin1022 / 10/05/2016 at 7:29am / United States / Transportation

Today, my coworker and I agreed to come clean and tell our fellow employees that we have been secretly dating for a while. Before we could, I received a promotion. I am now his boss. FML

by Da Boss / 10/04/2016 at 9:19pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

MarieTjeDW's comment : As long as you're not breaking any policies, you should be alright. Congratulations OP!

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Today, at lunch, my seven-year-old daughter and I had a chat. I asked her if she had a sweetheart. She said, "My sex life is none of your business." FML

by Anonyme / 01/04/2011 at 11:43pm / Serbia

Today, I noticed I've been an Amazon Prime member for 2 years and never knew. FML

by storyteller / 10/04/2016 at 12:29pm / United States (Indiana) / Money

Today my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a mutual decision but I was curious as to what he thought went wrong. "I was just never sure if you brushed your teeth regularly." He cheated on me twice. FML

by cannotexplain / 10/04/2016 at 10:43am / Australia / Love

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

by Chard of Glass / 10/04/2016 at 8:45am / Canada (Newfoundland) / Health

Today, I'm a college student. Just like every other goddamn day, my roommate set about twenty alarms a good two hours before she even needs to get up. She just sleeps through the first hour or so of alarms while I wake up. I've been waking up at 6 a.m., even though my first classes are at 9. FML.

by plzstop / 10/04/2016 at 7:03am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous