Today, I received a letter telling me I'm not qualified for a job I've been unofficially doing for the last three years. It's the fourth letter I've gotten since applying. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to train the new person who got the job instead of me. FML

by contracted / 08/22/2016 at 1:49am / United States (California) / Work

dudeutookhrs's comment : Quit unofficially doing the job and say you're not qualified to train the new hire.

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Today, I was on Tinder and only one girl matched with me. She gave me a "Super-Like" so I thought she must want to get to know each other and see what happens. Nope. She recognized me as the guy who adopted the stray cat she was taking care of last year, and just wanted to know how he was doing. FML

by SplitMind95 / 08/18/2016 at 11:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you should pay more bills than me, since you’re taller, you eat more, drink more and your clothes take up more space in the washing machine”. FML

by legrand / 09/14/2016 at 4:11am / France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, my 16-year-old daughter heated some sugar cubes in the microwave, thinking it would make caster sugar. FML

by çafondpaslesucre? / 09/13/2016 at 10:28pm / Belgium (Hainaut)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML

by bigbaby / 09/16/2016 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

by littlekellilee / 09/16/2016 at 12:27am / Canada / Health

2016/09/16
Blog

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

by Randomspaghetti / 09/15/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Mightytall's comment : That was a very funny comeback ... I'd have laughed and liked it

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Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

by Dezzmond68 / 09/15/2016 at 4:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML

by nicrus / 09/15/2016 at 4:13pm / Norway / Miscellaneous

hellobobismyname's comment : People really shouldn't touch other people's instruments, especially one that costs so much. It was a nice thought but a $2000 guitar will be tough to replace, especially since instruments are like children to musicians :( FYL

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Today, I called a cab to get me and my cat home from the vet. After a 40 minute wait and three calls to the taxi company, the operator told me that the driver she sent to my location just confirmed that he already has a woman with my name and a cat in his car. FML

by Rabite / 09/15/2016 at 10:48am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Transportation

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

by kwill256 / 09/15/2016 at 6:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. The only gift I got was a book on the history of cancers. Not the illness, the zodiac sign. I'm a Virgo. I don't even like astrology. FML

by stupidpplsuck / 09/15/2016 at 4:41am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.