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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to my girlfriend's job to surprise her for lunch, her manager said she hasn't worked on a Saturday in two months. FML

#21446986
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27509) - you deserved it (1730)

On 07/25/2015 at 11:51am - love - by WhoLikesPie (man) - United States (Florida)

jerzjay's comment : Someone's got some explaining to do!!!

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Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

#21446911
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11866) - you deserved it (20231)

On 07/25/2015 at 6:10am - misc - by Mmm - United States (California)

FunnnyGirrl's comment : Just a quick question, did you guys actually read the box? Seems like that would've cleared up a lot of confusion.

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Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

#21446894
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10478) - you deserved it (18573)

On 07/25/2015 at 4:33am - misc - by elovan - United States (Iowa)

Headcrab's comment : Everyone has tried that.

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Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

#21446839
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22707) - you deserved it (1512)

On 07/25/2015 at 1:30am - misc - by for fuck's sake, gran (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

#21446817
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20638) - you deserved it (2805)

On 07/25/2015 at 12:20am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

#21446754
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28193) - you deserved it (4694)

On 07/24/2015 at 10:04pm - kids - by Sad Mom - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML

#21446728
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12658) - you deserved it (23668)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm - work - by suspended (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27818) - you deserved it (4752)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, I was hanging out with my neighbor. He asked me if I wanted to play Twister, and I said no because I thought it would be weird. What was his response? "C'mon. You can leave if it gets sexual". FML

Today, my boyfriend gave me serious shit because I couldn't name 10 Pokémon. He said he even considered dumping me. Glad to know he has his priorities straight. FML

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

#21446622
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27448) - you deserved it (1794)

On 07/24/2015 at 4:08pm - work - by jb100 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

#21446581
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26750) - you deserved it (2747)

On 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm - misc - by HAIL SITHIS (woman) - United States

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." 2 hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

#21446551
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21760) - you deserved it (4589)

On 07/24/2015 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Northern Mariana Islands



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