All the FMLs

The first day of the rest of your life (or not)

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Detroit

Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 916

You deserved it 2 596

Relaxed

By Anonymous - 01/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I decided to push myself and go to a morning yoga class, despite suffering from horrible insomnia for the past few nights. During child’s pose, I fell dead asleep on my mat and only woke up because I ripped a comedically loud fart and startled myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 124

No good deed…

By Anonymous - 01/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I made a small batch of cookies and took them to work. Mostly everyone took one, but nobody said anything until I asked how they were. Someone asked what my recipe was, because it tasted like I'd forgot to add sugar. I bit into one. I had. The cookies tasted like muddy mush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 342

The void

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 22:00 - Canada

Today, I found the missing sock from my laundry inside the sleeve of a hoodie I’d already worn twice. I now know where my laundry goes to hide from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 91

Happy birthday!

By Broke girl - 31/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I told my friends that I’d cover dinner for my birthday. Five minutes later, my bank app hit me with a low-balance alert. Everyone had already picked their orders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 421

Time for a freakout

By Meg - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on the elevator at work. As it descended, a roach started scurrying about around my feet. I freaked out and started screaming, hitting the panic button without thinking. Now I'm facing a hefty fine for using the panic button when there wasn't a "real" emergency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 477

You deserved it 44 161

Been there, done that

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent an hour trying to figure out why my laptop wouldn't charge. I restarted it three times, watched two tutorials, and almost ordered a new charger until I realized that the actual charger wasn't plugged into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 439

Tearaway

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I’m 9 months pregnant. I was in a grocery store when this little hellspawn came tearing ass down the aisle right at me. I instinctively turned to the side to protect my belly, while the brat crashed into my hip and fell backward. His cunt of a mother cussed me out for knocking down her “baby”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 80

Toast

By [email protected] - 31/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Garden City

Today I watched my 90 year-old father-in-law's friend dip an entire piece of bread into her wine glass, swish it around with her fork, and then eat it. In a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 86

I spy…

By boyfriend123 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 053

You deserved it 3 547

The truth

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my aging father mentioned something off-hand about me maybe changing my mind about someday having kids. The truth is my husband and I would love to, but I’m not able. I don’t have the heart to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 90

I think you should leave

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I warned my new boyfriend not to approach my ferret, as he is still quite young and bites when he plays. He ignored me completely because “animals love him”, and when my ferret latched onto his finger, he threw him across the room. Now I can’t find him anywhere in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 92

Father figure

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 22:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I met a truck driver at my job and he gave me some fatherly advice. The whole time I was listening, I was also thinking like, why didn't my dad stay and want to be in my life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 62

Horny dudes

By Fonz - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 557

You deserved it 57 618

There's still hope

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, while I was out with my wife and kids, I saw a happy gay couple and it reminded me of the life I could've had if I wasn't raised by such strict religious homophobic grandparents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 325

Nope, no thanks

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I have to appear in juvenile court because I refused to go visit my dad, even though it was court ordered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 157

Unprofessionnal

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Davenport

Today, my pulmonologist dropped me as a patient. She kept insisting that my weight was the problem, so I put in the work and lost 60 pounds. My lungs are even worse now than they were when I was obese. So instead of admitting she was wrong and helping me figure out the real issue, she just won't see me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 75

Remember?

By Baby_girl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 719

You deserved it 5 379

Power steering

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 03:00 - Germany

Today, helping my boyfriend move to his new apartment, I hurt my shoulder. While carrying heavy things? Nope. Those were fine. What did me in was driving the moving van, which required very active, hands-on steering at high speeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 136

Naked

By Flora - 30/07/2026 00:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I began my first solo holiday at my family's' lakeside cabin. After an hour of tanning in my fave bikini on the lake beach, I saw that I was alone, got brave enough to take a risk, and took off my bikini so my body could get a full tan. Guess when a family from a nearby cabin chose to also come to the lake for fun… FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 463

You know it when you see it

By FutureDishwasher - 29/07/2026 22:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I'm reviewing articles for a medical journal. The stuff submitted that was partially written by AI is such utter crap, I have to take a break every 30 minutes so I don't kill myself or tell the authors they're morons. It actually makes me miss being a minimum wage dishwasher in summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 74

Clack clack

By Anonymous - 29/07/2026 20:00 - Australia

Today, I heard my washing machine making a strange noise. I nervously waited for the cycle to end so I could open it and investigate. The noise was my car keys. I'd somehow washed them, my wallet and $20 without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 310

Cold feet

By TheaterMom - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, after two months of rehearsals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 545

You deserved it 1 018

Blur

By Blind as a bat - 29/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent almost 10 minutes cleaning my glasses because everything looked blurry. The problem wasn't my glasses. I was actually wearing my sister's, who apparently got almost the same frames as mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 128

UFO

By Anonymous - 29/07/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I found a mysterious container in the back of my fridge. I opened it to try and figure out what it was. I still don't know what it was, but now my entire flat smells like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 277

Ew, dude

By HaleyIsabelle - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 770

You deserved it 3 774

Slapstick never gets old

By Anonymous - 29/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, I slipped on a banana and hit my head. I woke up in the ER and thought it was a dream. Turns out it wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 58

GET UP

By Late again - 29/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I set an alarm labeled "DO NOT BE LATE." When it went off, I turned it off, congratulated myself for being responsible, and promptly went back to sleep. I woke up two hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 453

Where am I?

By Doordashed - 28/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I got a notification that my food had been delivered. I opened my front door and found nothing. After ten minutes of panic, I checked the delivery photo. It was of my old apartment. I moved out eight months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 380

Cash up front

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m a dealer at a casino so I get a lot of cash tips, which is a pain to deposit at the bank, so I use it to pay my rent in cash instead. I was unaware that paying rent in cash makes your landlord assume you are a prostitute and try to hire you for an evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 71

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The Top

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 261

You deserved it 9 220

Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my roommates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 820

You deserved it 12 070

Today, my father sent me a letter in the mail. He spelled my first name wrong on the front of the envelope. I'm turning 28 years old and my own father doesn't know that my name has two "t"s in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 864

You deserved it 3 536

Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner. My mom went into a rant about how she had known I was gay for a while and asked how I was going to tell my husband. I am straight, madly in love with my husband, and was referring to my business partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 448

You deserved it 3 729

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 628

You deserved it 789

Today, the only person who remembered my birthday was my stalker ex. He left condoms, birth control, furry handcuffs, and a lingerie set in my mailbox, with a note saying to prepare for our anniversary. We went out for a week. In sixth grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 166