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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

#21447742
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23614) - you deserved it (2360)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by wot02 (woman) - United States

Calingaladha's comment : Yeah, I'm sure his hands stay glued to that phone, too.

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Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML

#21447695
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19593) - you deserved it (12522)

On 07/26/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by blondebarbie271 - United States (New Hampshire)

Melayia's comment : And you did this why? Doesn't seem like your problem to me.

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Today, I had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Even though they know I don't have any money, let alone shoes on my feet, my parents have decided it's far too much trouble to come pick me up because we're on vacation and they want to have fun. FML

#21447671
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21778) - you deserved it (1572)

On 07/26/2015 at 6:47pm - health - by GreatParenting (woman) - United States (Idaho)

SharnaaaBanana's comment : What the actual fuck is wrong with them

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Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

#21447669
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20511) - you deserved it (1819)

On 07/26/2015 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was making some scrambled eggs. I had the eggs in a pan, stirring for about ten minutes, before I realised that the eggs were cooking very slow. I tried to figure out what was wrong for another few minutes before my grandma pointed out to me that the oven wasn't turned on. FML

#21447619
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10246) - you deserved it (18205)

On 07/26/2015 at 5:04pm - misc - by sarah4241 - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I told my boyfriend of three years that I wanted to get married and have a child within the next five years. He responded by packing up my things and showing me the door. FML

#21447549
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22715) - you deserved it (4944)

On 07/26/2015 at 2:20pm - love - by rissa5214 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML

#21447547
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27416) - you deserved it (2164)

On 07/26/2015 at 2:15pm - love - by lextoast - Rwanda

Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML

#21447538
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21633) - you deserved it (1745)

On 07/26/2015 at 1:55pm - love - by suosi (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

#21447515
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22724) - you deserved it (2454)

On 07/26/2015 at 1:29pm - misc - by arch maester shavayalsharashion (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML

#21447496
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24190) - you deserved it (1953)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

#21447461
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16334) - you deserved it (12049)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

#21447294
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27937) - you deserved it (2410)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by TheAce44 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML

#21447183
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22038) - you deserved it (2224)

On 07/25/2015 at 8:22pm - love - by Lucachoo - United States (California)



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