Today, I was babysitting my young cousins who are obsessed with Narnia. So to appease them, we checked every closet in the house. We never did find Narnia, but we did find sex toys. Lots of them. FML

by EevieBear / 06/25/2016 at 5:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML

by anonymous / 06/25/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Tripartita's comment : Why does this FML have a chili pepper next to it? I know the pepper denotes sexual FMLs, and I'm trying to figure out which word seems sexual. If the linguistic intelligence behind the NSFW filter can understand innuendo ("large, angry snake"), I'm significantly more worried about it becoming self aware and causing judgement day. It would be sort of poetic for an entity born inside FML to cause the greatest FML of all.

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Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML

by meowymomma / 06/25/2016 at 3:21pm / United States / Intimacy

turtle_darkness's comment : Well, at least you found out before the wedding. Divorces are expensive..

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Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

by WrongPlaceWrongTime / 06/25/2016 at 2:51pm / France / Work

lusanna's comment : Without an explanation from you beforehand? Take that to the HR

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Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

by smellymcgee / 06/25/2016 at 1:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I staged an intervention for my alcoholic dad. Within minutes he'd turned everything around on us, claiming we're in no position to judge him for drinking since we use "too much water" when we shower. Apparently that's on the same level as being an abusive alcoholic. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2016 at 9:51am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got screamed and honked at by a driver who felt I was in the way of his turn. I was on foot, and on the sidewalk. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2016 at 5:02am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my workplace often leaves out "expired" food from the café that our department coincides with, as it is wasteful to throw away perfectly fine cuisine. I soon discovered that the inside of a seemingly normal looking cupcake was actually filled with mold when I took a large mouthful of it. FML

by XxmegaronixX / 06/25/2016 at 12:55am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, my father-in-law is still introducing me to family friends as his son's girlfriend. I have been married to his son for 5 years, we have a child together and another on the way. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2016 at 11:29pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in a huge fight with my pregnant wife because I cannot consent to naming our future daughter Paprika. FML

by no / 06/24/2016 at 10:31pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while making love, my girlfriend accidentally kicked me in the face when changing positions. She then got mad at me when I went soft due to the pain. FML

by ItsGoneForever / 06/24/2016 at 8:48pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I lost my virginity. It was painful, but not as painful as my boyfriend asking afterwards: "Um... did you use to be a guy?" FML

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

by not a shitty situation so fuck you / 06/24/2016 at 6:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous