Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (4959)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)

Chrriis's comment : How does one simply do that while taking a shit? What the fuck.. Stop pushing so damn hard!

See all the comments →

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24821) - you deserved it (2689)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Kayloe's comment : If she's that dependent on her mother it might be time to call an end to the relationship instead of trying to progress it further. Think of this as a blessing in disguise and move on to someone who's less dependent on their parents in such an unhealthy way.

See all the comments →

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

#21414242
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23917) - you deserved it (2108)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:25pm - misc - by A - United States (Georgia)

rieebee's comment : Good job actually caring enough to pick them up, so many people would just leave it.

See all the comments →

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22965) - you deserved it (2257)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my aunt, whom I live with, told me she is going to move out and demanded her half of the rent back, as she only spent two days a week there. When I told her that's not how rent works, she called my mom to tell her what a failure she had raised. Her own sons are unemployed drug addicts. FML

#21414120
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25927) - you deserved it (1663)

On 05/22/2015 at 6:14pm - money - by Failure (woman) - Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt)

Today, my friends made a little game out of my OCD. They like to purposely poke one of my arms so I immediately poke the other one. They think it's hilarious and now do it constantly. FML

#21414073
88 comments

Today, I walked into my boss' office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

#21414059
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25329) - you deserved it (4217)

On 05/22/2015 at 3:44pm - work - by zheiraT - United States (Maine)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24970) - you deserved it (3972)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27962) - you deserved it (1906)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my first experience having sex. It was also my first experience with a condom breaking. FML

#21413990
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29106) - you deserved it (3723)

On 05/22/2015 at 12:27pm - intimacy - by Vexatious - United States (North Carolina)

Today, and for the past couple of days, my girlfriend's father has been trying to help me think of a way to propose. I decided to rehearse first, and that's how my girlfriend walked in on me "proposing" to her dad. FML

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

#21413979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22136) - you deserved it (2704)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by xolaurennnn - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29012) - you deserved it (2649)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: