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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

#21431556
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22808) - you deserved it (1647)

On 06/25/2015 at 1:30am - animals - by wtfkasey - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

#21431510
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26672) - you deserved it (3560)

On 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

stieglar's comment : Next time it happens push his head back down. Hard.

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Today, I was informed, after being broken up with, that my girlfriend's father only set her up with me so that she would have more motivation to shower on a regular basis. He actually yelled at me for being broken up with. FML

#21431508
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22780) - you deserved it (1609)

On 06/24/2015 at 11:54pm - love - by Anonymouss (man) - United States

hellraisedfire's comment : I don't understand people who dislike showering!

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Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML

#21431507
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22143) - you deserved it (8049)

On 06/24/2015 at 11:49pm - misc - by WhyIHateTeachers - United States (Florida)

Diarrhea_Volcano's comment : Well maybe next time you'll think twice before helping people who don't want to do their own work.

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Today, I had to call patients that we hadn't seen in a long time. Most of them were dead. FML

#21431312
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22317) - you deserved it (1634)

On 06/24/2015 at 6:18pm - work - by Exil (woman) - United States

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

#21431233
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19328) - you deserved it (3539)

On 06/24/2015 at 3:45pm - animals - by That escalated quickly - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I politely asked a coworker to stop sticking his chewed-up gum to my desk. It's now 10:57 pm and my tires are slashed. FML

#21431204
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23866) - you deserved it (1522)

On 06/24/2015 at 2:49pm - work - by Ain't going nowhere - United States (Illinois)

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

#21431164
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34798) - you deserved it (2094)

On 06/24/2015 at 1:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

#21431146
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26954) - you deserved it (1563)

On 06/24/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by zaynemaliksvagina (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

#21431076
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27991) - you deserved it (1631)

On 06/24/2015 at 8:44am - health - by tantanpanda (man) - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

#21430988
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21946) - you deserved it (3164)

On 06/24/2015 at 1:16am - love - by imblue42 - United States

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

#21430956
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21427) - you deserved it (5367)

On 06/24/2015 at 12:16am - love - by It's CSI Miami - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

#21430948
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23437) - you deserved it (2488)

On 06/24/2015 at 12:02am - love - by bummed out step monster - United States (California)



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