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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML

#21409756
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26928) - you deserved it (1804)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by iamgodzilla (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

#21409745
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26619) - you deserved it (2932)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by PrinceOfBritain - United States (Virginia)

GavinoFreedom's comment : Fyl. Trying to help out your dog and humanity bites you in the back. Well I hope your dog is okay but fyl

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Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

#21409743
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14013) - you deserved it (29781)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

#21409639
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22569) - you deserved it (9031)

On 05/13/2015 at 7:19pm - health - by windthroughmyflab - United States

organizse's comment : Hey, pretty soon you'll have wings.

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Today, whilst visiting an unfamiliar office site for work, I was conversing with my boss about the possibility of considering myself for a managing position in the future. I then unintentionally followed him to the bathroom whilst walking and texting. FML

Baustigt's comment : Following him to the bathroom really wasn't the issue, OP. It was when you joined him in the stall and pulled up a chair so you could continue your conversation while he took a shit.

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Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

#21409473
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30630) - you deserved it (2327)

On 05/13/2015 at 1:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30021) - you deserved it (2667)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

#21409404
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24008) - you deserved it (2607)

On 05/13/2015 at 9:57am - health - by Hlaalette (woman) - Belgium

Today, a while after finishing and uploading a task, I looked at my peers' work to make sure I hadn't missed anything in mine. One of them had gotten the same idea and had decided to incorporate part of my work into his. "Part" as in "all". "All" as in all of his work is also all of mine. FML

#21409245
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25282) - you deserved it (2106)

On 05/12/2015 at 11:19pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

#21409208
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25225) - you deserved it (1997)

On 05/12/2015 at 10:11pm - work - by spitt (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23738) - you deserved it (3016)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

#21408927
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26689) - you deserved it (10706)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:38pm - kids - by NotAPrincess - United States (California)

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

#21408925
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26480) - you deserved it (2154)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by a - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)



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