Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

by TheStudentNurse / 11/17/2016 at 7:07pm / Work

Today, I was unsuccessful in getting a job at a supermarket. The same supermarket I used to work at. I now have a degree but can't even get a job at a place I used to work. FML

by poormum / 11/17/2016 at 6:41am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2016 at 10:39pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

by ImaSneakyNinja / 11/16/2016 at 9:55pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Googolman's comment : That's just not right.

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2016/11/23
Blog

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

by don't cry over spilled milk / 11/23/2016 at 9:33am / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML

by KismetSiren / 11/23/2016 at 5:30am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

by funnyERstory / 11/22/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, it’s been two weeks since I’ve been in Hungary. I make the most of being away from home by dieting, eating for lunch every day a pot of really nice yoghurt with fresh fruit. I learned this morning that “Tejfol” doesn’t mean “yoghurt”, but “cream”. FML

by brunhilde / 09/16/2012 at 6:14am / Hungary (Budapest)

Today, I asked my husband if he wanted to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. He choked on his own spit to avoid answering the question. FML

by Husband / 11/22/2016 at 9:33am / United States (District of Columbia) / Holidays

Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone burst into my house without ringing the doorbell, my first assumption was, "Oh God I hope it's not my mum visiting!" rather than, "Oh God, it's a burglar!" It was actually my mother-in-law, and I was truly relieved. FML

by saracenslament / 11/22/2016 at 6:47am / Miscellaneous

Today, I’m french and am studying in Japan. One of my teachers, passionate about France, opened a magazine about French bread and asked me if it tasted good. I cried. FML

by Croissant / 09/23/2014 at 2:01am / Japan (Kochi)

Today, after discussing having our son's hair styled nicely for school, my ex returns him with his head shaved. I didn't realise bald was in style for 4-year-olds. FML

by children ain't pawns / 11/21/2016 at 10:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids