by Anon / 04/28/2016 at 4:27pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
bheaze's comment : Then there's only one thing to do... Threesome with Hillary Clinton.
by AintEasyBeinWheezy / 04/28/2016 at 2:26pm / United States / Health
Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML
by tingleballs / 04/28/2016 at 10:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Tamandua's comment : I guess you weren't koalafied to use that oil.
by Gloomzz / 04/28/2016 at 9:54am / Latvia (Riga) / Money
shesaywha's comment : you have neighbours right? eat them.
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
by shit / 04/28/2016 at 7:05am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by MrDanito / 04/28/2016 at 2:21am / Czech Republic (Stredocesky kraj) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancé tells me he loves me about 100 times a day. At first it was cute, but now it's getting really annoying. We can't have a conversation without him throwing in about 10 "I love you"s. I'm beginning to not want to talk to him anymore. FML
by Jane / 04/27/2016 at 11:58pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, as I was cleaning up after my two year-old, I found a pair of lacy underwear in his toy box. Not only are they not mine, but now I have to ask my husband if he's cheating on me. Or ask my babysitter if she's being having fun, instead of actually babysitting. FML
by Whyme? / 04/27/2016 at 10:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML
by Emmaraine189 / 04/27/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without thinking, I sat down next to him. I didn’t know that he’s not allowed to sit next to a woman. Now he has to fast for several days. FML
Today, I realized that my somewhat flamboyant behavior may have given people the wrong impression when my classmate tried to set me up with one of her male friends. I've been trying to work up the courage to ask her out all semester. FML
by Gaylord / 04/27/2016 at 10:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by kaleighf / 04/27/2016 at 9:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous