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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML

#21458250
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21830) - you deserved it (1532)

On 08/19/2015 at 10:38pm - kids - by GlueAndCarrots - Canada (Ontario)

KeannaLove's comment : Depending on the age of your daughter, this could either be very sweet or extremely worrying.

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Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

#21458206
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18392) - you deserved it (9736)

On 08/19/2015 at 9:00pm - misc - by ToddesPizza - United States (Oregon)

lysx84's comment : I can't help but think that there is a really simple solution to this issue...?

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Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML

#21458053
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20544) - you deserved it (1783)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:44pm - misc - by SebastianCT - United States (Florida)

willyjac's comment : And that bird learned you can get hit by a bungee jumper while flying

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Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

#21457997
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34097) - you deserved it (1735)

On 08/19/2015 at 11:00am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa

Today, my car is being repaired, so I had to catch a bus to work. When the bus came, the driver pulled toward the curb and gunned it through a large puddle of water, then pulled away and continued down the road, leaving me soaking wet. FML

#21457982
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21196) - you deserved it (1313)

On 08/19/2015 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML

#21457966
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19991) - you deserved it (3465)

On 08/19/2015 at 8:14am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

#21457959
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15899) - you deserved it (9631)

On 08/19/2015 at 7:34am - health - by julian1 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML

#21457909
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24901) - you deserved it (3798)

On 08/19/2015 at 2:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

#21457897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23588) - you deserved it (2666)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:54am - intimacy - by lonelygal69 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

#21457895
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22183) - you deserved it (2332)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

#21457890
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18464) - you deserved it (10463)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

#21457721
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23773) - you deserved it (2685)

On 08/18/2015 at 6:55pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

#21457683
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13161) - you deserved it (11865)

On 08/18/2015 at 5:08pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

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  • It's here! Yep, time once more to delve into the darkest corners of the FML postbag and check out the stuff that never would've seen the light of day, had we not had a vicious streak in our brains. It's…

Tuesday 25 August 2015

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