Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

by jshum / 09/13/2016 at 11:02am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I was on a business trip with a co-worker. We had to wait for the train, so I decided to browse a store in the train station while he waited outside. I then got a message on my cell phone, from my co-worker saying, "You are somewhere on this train, right?" FML

by Rabite / 09/13/2016 at 7:22am / Germany / Transportation

itsme82's comment : Perhaps your co worker should have let you know it was coming. Or!! You should have been in a place where you could see for yourself what's going on. You know... Like an adult would.

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Today, my bitch of a boss sent out a group text saying she'd had a chainsaw accident and lost the tips of 4 of her fingers and would be out indefinitely. When I told my boyfriend, his immediate response was to grab my phone and reply "I'm stumped, I don't know what to say." She hasn't responded yet. FML

by 4fingerdiscount / 09/13/2016 at 7:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

RichardPencil's comment : You should volunteer to be an organ donor. Tell her you'd be happy to give her the finger.

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Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML

by livingonmyownfromnowon / 09/13/2016 at 2:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

TheyCallMeDamien's comment : Let your sister know what kind of person he is. If she was aware of his intent with the video then you know what kind of person she is too. Your roommate sounds abusive, vindictive and entitled.

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Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML

by thacupcakeassassin / 09/13/2016 at 1:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I'm a horse trainer and I started working with a lady's horse. After two hours of hard work and sweat, me and the horse in question are tired and I tell her I'll be back tomorrow. I get to the part where she's supposed to pay me and she says, "Oh! I thought this was free!?" FML

Today, I hooked up with a friend. I expressed an interest in it becoming something more. He expressed an interest in not telling anyone and pretending it never happened. FML

by Is_This_Real / 09/12/2016 at 10:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, at the end of my 10-hour shift, my manager made me count exactly how many business cards were left in inventory before I could leave. She didn't believe me when the number came to exactly 3000. She made me count them all again. FML

by Weddingbelles / 09/12/2016 at 11:52am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

by Irritated / 09/12/2016 at 11:29am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I'm fostering a very shy cat who doesn't like to be held. I had to move the litter box to another room, but when I picked him up to show him where I'd moved it to, he peed on me. FML

by kdriver / 09/12/2016 at 10:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML

by CoolGuy69 / 09/12/2016 at 7:53am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Transportation

MissDQ's comment about their FML

Today, I got accused of trying to steal clothes because I was taking so long in the fitting rooms with only a couple of items. I got stuck in one of the shirts I was trying on. FML

by MissDQ / 11/30/2013 at 4:07am / Australia (Western Australia)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

MissDQ

OP here. Someone else pointed it out to the attendant that I'd been in there for a while and since I'm 'a kid' I MUST have been trying to steal someth...

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

by MarsMayFall / 09/12/2016 at 5:56am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous