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By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54 - United States - Midlothian

Teddy is always there for you

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML
I agree, your life sucks
632
You deserved it
69
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 08:02

Take care

  Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1177
You deserved it
88
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 05:02 - Germany - Emden

Triage

Today, I realised that Gmail has been sending lots of important messages directly into the spam folder, where I never saw them. All were from people who I had either contacted myself, or had regular contact with in the past. One address even had a filter on it, specifying, "Never send it to spam." FML
I agree, your life sucks
1006
You deserved it
108
1 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 01:57

I mean…

Today, I finally noticed that my new coworker, with whom I have to share an office, starts every sentence with, "I mean…", then a pause, then says whatever he has to say. I can't un-notice it now, and it's like hearing nails on a chalkboard. FML
I agree, your life sucks
793
You deserved it
74
8 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Contact tracing

Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML
I agree, your life sucks
839
You deserved it
210
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 20:01

Reverse Uno

  Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1197
You deserved it
111
3 Comments
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By dazedandconfused - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Happy Holidays!

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss, who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Year's. FML
I agree, your life sucks
9595
You deserved it
568
14 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58

Sounds like a catch

Today, the momma's boy I was getting to know cried when I said we should just be friends. He said I was being added to the list of people who treat him like shit and verbally abuse him. He has bad hygiene, musty, wears dirty clothes and I taught him how to properly clean a toilet. But I’m the bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks
900
You deserved it
81
6 Comments
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By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58

Booty non-call

  Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1123
You deserved it
166
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Tilton

Love is a battlefield

Today, after I finally got up the courage to open myself up to someone new after going through a brutal divorce, it was going great until he went back to his ex. FML
I agree, your life sucks
752
You deserved it
48
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:04 - United States - White Plains

Bad day

Today, I woke up feeling like I was on top of the world, until I got to work and I was demoted. Then I ordered Uber Eats for lunch, the driver was late and gave me the wrong meal. The worst part was when I got home and was dumped by my girlfriend via text. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1216
You deserved it
64
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58 - United States

Family matters

Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks
843
You deserved it
83
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:02

Overreaction much?

Today, I accidentally washed the jacket my mother bought me in the washing machine. I didn't know it was supposed to be dry cleaned. My mother ended up crying and screaming that I don't love her, and this would be the last time she ever buys me anything. FML
I agree, your life sucks
828
You deserved it
255
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 17:58 - Canada - Moncton

Thanks, babe

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend of almost 4 years completely forgot. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
94
5 Comments
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By Joshua Diamond - 14/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Ed Sheeran-lite

Today, I phoned my ex, who I only broke up with a week ago. I then told her about the song I'd written about her. I have written a song, but it is shite and I would die of embarrassment if I ever had to play it to her. I’ll have to play it to her and confess my simpy, wet ways. FML
I agree, your life sucks
163
You deserved it
1586
9 Comments
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By Etherealskye1023 - 14/12/2020 11:01 - United States - Douglassville

Great parenting, dude

Today, my dad told me that I'm nothing but a burden because I can't work, and disability is worth nothing. It's not my fault I ended up in an abusive foster home that left me with spinal cord damage. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1221
You deserved it
231
2 Comments
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By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Smells like victory

  Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML
I agree, your life sucks
933
You deserved it
291
7 Comments
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By Rebecca Palermo - 14/12/2020 11:03

Beggars can be choosers

Today, I saw a girl asking for money on the median of an entrance to a parking lot with her dog. Later, I bought a box of dog treats for her. I drove up and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes and said, "How the hell am I supposed to carry that?" I sat there in stunned disbelief with the box she refused to take. FML
I agree, your life sucks
822
You deserved it
167
6 Comments
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By I miss bread - 14/12/2020 17:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Pile on

Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks
797
You deserved it
68
4 Comments
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By Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58 - United States - Farmington

Pyrotechnics

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks
992
You deserved it
95
7 Comments
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By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 18:57 - Mexico - Garza Garcia

Bye then!

Today, while on holiday. I got a call to let me know my job will be gone away when I return. FML
I agree, your life sucks
851
You deserved it
53
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 17:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Stinky

Today, I realized that my flatmate showers so little that the furniture she uses smells like BO. FML
I agree, your life sucks
880
You deserved it
61
5 Comments
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By Blue Lemon - 13/12/2020 20:01

Assumptions

Today, I was at a job interview and thought the guy interviewing me was a bit of a perv because he kept staring down at my cleavage. Afterwards, I realised what he was really looking at: the wire in my bra had popped out and had been poking right through my shirt like a dagger. FML
I agree, your life sucks
984
You deserved it
198
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 10:58 - United States

Snowflakes

Today, I bumped my head on a tool box. When it happened, I yelled, "Fuck." I got fired from my job for cussing. FML
I agree, your life sucks
898
You deserved it
211
5 Comments
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By blah! - 13/12/2020 14:01

Unionize

Today, I found out I'm pregnant, after quitting my job because they asked us to work for free due to COVID. So because I quit, I'm no longer eligible for maternity leave. I didn’t know that I was 4 months pregnant. I could've just gotten a doctor's note for medical reasons. FML
I agree, your life sucks
884
You deserved it
391
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Hedging your bets

Today, I realized I've been avoiding a doctor's visit for issues, because it might be less painful to go out that way than to see how much more a crapshoot 2021 would be. FML
I agree, your life sucks
629
You deserved it
145
4 Comments
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By Ash - 13/12/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Sex ban

  Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML
I agree, your life sucks
1067
You deserved it
259
14 Comments
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By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 23:01 - United States - Wilmington

Home Improvement

Today, I heard what sounded like an explosion from the basement of my house. Turns out my foundation cracked. FML
I agree, your life sucks
860
You deserved it
35
2 Comments
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By Lyle - 13/12/2020 01:07 - United Kingdom

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1231
You deserved it
83
11 Comments
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By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 17:01 - United States - Kalamazoo

I'm worth it

Today, I realized after seeing my ex in his new relationship that he does everything for her that I always wanted him to do for me. Sucks not being worth it. FML
I agree, your life sucks
996
You deserved it
149
7 Comments
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Nearly  
Today my therapist tells me to keep a list of things I am thankful for. The only thing I can come up with, that I am genuinely thankful for, is the fact...
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Today, I arranged for the President to give a speech in Alamo, Texas. His advance crew instead notified The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas to set up the event....
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  Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much...
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485
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114
6 Comments
  Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
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