Transportation: Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

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Transportation

Time don't heal nothing

Thanks for the miracle

Nothing honey, nothing

By Anonymous - United States - Cheyenne

Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML

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By SmokedSalmon - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

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By sluttyfox

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

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By jordanss - United States

Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn't wash my hands afterward. FML

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By nothappywithlife - United States

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

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By sadnj

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

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41677

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By anonymous - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

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By HMM - United States

Timewaster

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

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By ChubbyTubby - United States

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

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By noname - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as the "short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

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By HassledAirfarer - United States

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an inconsiderate selfish bitch. FML

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By Bigbaby - United States - Ontario

Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML

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By jaleesadavis21 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my older brother thought it would be funny to change the language on my phone to Serbo-Croatian. I don't know how and can't change it back. FML

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By Gloria Lovestar

All over the place

Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chandler

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

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By not invited - United States - Appleton

Today, a close friend told me she had no plans for her birthday. I found out she was lying when I had to serve her and 9 other mutual friends dinner at the restaurant I work at. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I wasn't invited or that none of them even remembered that I worked there. FML

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By unluckymiss - United States

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

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By Deidle-dee - United States

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML

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By rachele321

Today, some guy sent a dickpic to my phone. I was disgusted, and wanted to find out who did it. I called the police, and they matched the number to my step father's new cellphone. FML

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By antsgomarching - 6/10/2020 17:01

Freak Scene

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

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By catlover - Australia

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML

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By Sursion - Canada

Today, I was talking to a friend of mine over webcam, when I saw a scary looking man in a grey hoodie creeping around in the background. I loudly proclaimed "Paige! Who is that creepy looking guy behind you?" Turns out it was her mom. She heard everything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

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By OhLovely - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 KM away to get away from them. FML

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32018

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By mollyeyers - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

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38823

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By - Canada - Calgary

Today, I can remember dozens of serial killers, their victims, the way they killed, the length of their prison sentences, and anything else about them, but nothing related to my upcoming science test. FML

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5774

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By Mdrk783 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

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By Wendie - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

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36452

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By YouSoSmelly - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, this guy I like let me wear his favorite baseball hat that he never takes off. I returned it to him later, only to find out I have lice. FML

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58024

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By udnrizh - United States

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

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By mmaisie - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a 2000 word essay on "Las Vegas - The City That Never Sleeps". I was proud of my work, until someone pointed out that New York is "The City That Never Sleeps", not Vegas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Greeley

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

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By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

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By Humiliated & Heart-Broken - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned that the gong my job installed less than 30 feet from my desk is being moved, due to noise complaints. To the office building I'm moving to in a few weeks. FML

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Top comments

By conan6 | 0

#510007 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:16

YDI for using the phrase "happy sacks"

By letitbe56 | 0

#510017 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:19

YDI for grounding your son for something that could have happened to anybody.

COMMENTS

By conan6 | 0

#510007 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:16

YDI for using the phrase "happy sacks"

no1askdu | 5

#510111 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:41

yeah i know, who uses that terminology anyways.... but i bet they wernt so happy after that incident.

seanreddog | 4

#510195 - Monday 24 August 2009 2:13

YDI FOR DRIVING WHILE FEMINISCULATED!!!

603050294 | 0

#510292 - Monday 24 August 2009 2:57

#2 I was thinking the same thing.

SunlightVeins | 0

#510332 - Monday 24 August 2009 3:14

He has more than one sack?

suaveneanderthal | 0

#510419 - Monday 24 August 2009 4:03

well i hope you were grounded as well

trollin_fo_andre | 0

#510659 - Monday 24 August 2009 6:32

YDI for blowing up Hiroshima

iSuperman_fml | 0

#510668 - Monday 24 August 2009 6:37

FYHL.

humorizer | 14

#510724 - Monday 24 August 2009 7:17

Please don't message me.

giganticbrain | 0

#511704 - Monday 24 August 2009 19:46

Agreed.

NATFLUMP | 0

#514850 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 22:05

lmfaaao.
i think that phrase is actually kinda funny,
happy sacks :)

blackxmortals | 0

#523598 - Saturday 29 August 2009 7:21

That's exactly what I was gonna say.

kiki123_55555 | 0

#964647 - Saturday 20 March 2010 3:34

tip for the OP. don't say happy sacks or happy sack. u sound ruhtarded. call them balls or something

hector22 | 0

#987552 - Sunday 2 May 2010 19:07

how tall is your husband that the mirror reaches his happy sack or is it a little car

Pikalu1 | 3

#1285591 - Sunday 22 August 2010 18:28

#202 - I love the irony on this website, don't you? "u sound ruhtarded. call them balls or something"

By Ligerie | 0

#510013 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:18

Happy sacks......?

Bllasae | 0

#510513 - Monday 24 August 2009 5:08

WTF are happy sacks? You have one sack, and two nuts.

Broc | 0

#510612 - Monday 24 August 2009 6:04

She shouldn't have gotten cocky.

evangldbrg | 0

#510679 - Monday 24 August 2009 6:41

FTW!

Alie22 | 0

#510783 - Monday 24 August 2009 8:13

#103 win

By redbluegreen | 40

#510014 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:18

Two for S&M, please.

Happy punishing. (;

By instantfail | 0

#510015 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:18

I guess it runs in the family.

By screwtaylor | 0

#510016 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:19

What is a shop-vac?

Also, if you are driving a car how can you hit your husband in his "happy-sack" without fully running his whole body over?

letitbe56 | 0

#510025 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:21

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=shop-vac

LewJH | 0

#510043 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:24

That's what I thought...
How was she showing him how to park?

skatagurl | 0

#510533 - Monday 24 August 2009 5:16

rofl 31 yes. v true

ijrnelson | 0

#511100 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:47

wow! thank you so much for http://lmgtfy.com/ !!!! I'm going to spam that on yahoo answers! hehe

angel55033 | 12

#1730065 - Sunday 21 November 2010 8:45

you don't know what a shop vac is? you need to get out more lol

kyliebear | 15

#4944878 - Tuesday 18 September 2012 12:45

Yeah, I think it's the husbands fault....how can you get hit THERE with a CAR MIRROR without getting ACTUALLY run over?

KrazyKatz3 | 26

#7521952 - Friday 4 August 2017 19:04

You know the way at the side of the car there are mirrors that stick out around crotch level. Now this is just my guess seeing as the OP said with the mirror. But maybe the side mirror hit him in the nuts?

By letitbe56 | 0

#510017 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:19

YDI for grounding your son for something that could have happened to anybody.

SunlightVeins | 0

#510342 - Monday 24 August 2009 3:22

Quote for fucking Truth

IamSpartacus | 0

#510480 - Monday 24 August 2009 4:46

Hey what's up SunlightVeins? Long time no see. I remember you from some argument about peoples grammar.

SunlightVeins | 0

#512910 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 3:42

Aw yeah, 'cause "THIS IS HOW WE DO IT."

By av232 | 0

#510021 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:20

how the hell does that happen? already seen a bunch of these YDI

By ilg4evr | 0

#510026 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:21

This makes no sense...did you park safely and then jump out of the car and punch his happy sacks? Did you simply bump into them? Or are happy sacks not what we are all thinking at all?

hahaohwell | 0

#510368 - Monday 24 August 2009 3:37

the side mirror hit them

By MiniatureMayhem | 0

#510031 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:22

Happy sacks?

By DogFun | 0

#510040 - Monday 24 August 2009 1:23

YDI for driving while female.
Also, how the hell do you hit your husband in the balls while driving, Like you would hit his whole waist.

k3500 | 0

#2535603 - Thursday 19 May 2011 22:26

win