By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 23:33 - Sweden - Ljungby
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For some reason I was expecting this to end with him bullying you.
sometimes you just gotta go w what you know is right OP. obviously your wife is wrong because the cursing isn't the primary issue here, it goes along w the problem, but isn't the problem. There needs to be an attitude adjustment. Once that's achieved everything else will fall into place (aka cursing.)
Grounding him probably won't teach him anything. Straighten his ass out with harsher, more immediate consequences.
When a child encounters a barbaric action from their parents they unavoidably absorb that influence. If you raise your child like a Neanderthal you're raising a Neanderthal. I'm not saying that corporeal punishment is off the table, but that it should only be the top shelf punishment. Just think where the world would be if our UN solved every disagreement with an "ass whoopin'". There are other punishments that leave a more lasting effect, you simply need to raise the child right and stay on the same level with them, without stooping to the same lows.
I don't agree with verbal abuse at all, maybe a pat in the butt or tap on the hand to send them back in the right direction. Im mainly talking about younger children though. A child should never fear their own parents, that's probably where most bullying is picked up from in the first place.
63, It is parent's job to turn children into human beings. So sometimes, "barbaric" ways can be necessary. Children start their life with no morals and are okay with killing small animals, for example. If you don't keep them in check, you might end up with sociopath on your hands or your children could abuse you when you grow old.
All this talk of I'd do this or I'd do that. 1. All children have different personalities and therefore have different behaviors. You have to match the appropriate punishment for the negative behavior. 2. Children are a product of their raising. They will behave and socialize the way their parents have showed them its ok to.
I agree that you shouldn't whoop a child over everything, but bullying is an act deserving of a whooping. Children are driven to kill themselves everyday due to the effects of bullying. My son is as gentle as it gets but if I ever found out he was a bully, he would not be able to sit for a week.
93, I do not know who told you that "whooping"/"spanking" turns children into killers, but that person was an idiot. To turn child into cold-blooded killer, you'll need to do combat/assassination training with him/her, preferably using live targets for practice. Possible results of whooping: 1. Kid learns the lesson (if applied correctly) 2. Kid becomes afraid of you (if applied incorrectly) 3. (highly unlikely) Kid grows up into masochist (if applied incorrectly) That's about it.
#57 I wholeheartedly disagree with you when I was younger one of my aunts was chastising me that I don't have a relationship with my mother I'm just afraid of her I grinned and replied "yeah but it's a healthy fear" and I really think that's part of what's so wrong now a days kids have no fear for their parents how can you successfully discipline someone if there is no fear of being disciplined or of the one doing it. Thinking back to being a child what was the motivation for being good? To not get punished why? Because you were scared of being punished. I've always told my kids I'm their mother I love them very much and would defend them and protect them for anything they weren't in the wrong for I can be fun and play with them but I'm not their friend I'm their mother and god help them if they cross me and for the most part they behave very well. So to make a long story short (too late) fear is essential it just doesn't have to be overwhelming it does not need to be a driving force but subtle fear is a very effective tool.
At least you're actually upset over your son being a bully, I know that some parents would just ignore it or encourage it. I suggest taking away all his beloved items and making him do chores for a week, a month if needed. I would of said spank him, but then that would show him that hitting others is okay, not that I'm against spanking, I'm for it.
Ya I agree..but parenting is hard ..even more so when you have a bully for a son. I'd have to say counseling...or maybe OP could look up some psychological approaches to this. That's one thing I'm not looking forward to when I have kids, you really do have to have tactical, productive parenting skills and know how to form a sound, decent human being.
48- Then what stops the child from forming the ideal that hitting someone will get them to follow their will, that when they hit them, the other will avoid that? Like 21 said, parenting is a complex process involving both negative and positive reinforcements of varying types.
I seriously think that's the most effective way to punish a kid. I was spanked when I was little. (Hell, I'm 19 now and guarantee I'd get my ass whooped if I did something way out of line even at this age. My parents don't care.) Anyway, all that did was make me scared of my parents and no, that's not a good thing. Parents should EARN respect, not get it because their child fears them. That's not even respect imo. Besides, how long does a spanking last? I always looked at it like "okay, I'm gonna have to take a couple hits and listen to a lecture and then I'll be let off" .. and it was true. I know that if I was punished by having my beloved items taken away from me for a week (let alone a month), it'd drive me CRAZY. I always secretly thank god that my parents haven't done that. Knock on wood, lol.
@74: "Do not put fork into power outlet" is a safety thing, not a punishment or morals thing. I was not talking about "Don't be afraid of doing dangerous things", I was saying that teaching them to behave right should not be about how afraid you are of behaving wrong, it should be because they understand the difference. Teaching them to be safe has nothing to do with punishing them for doing something that is a sign of bad morals.
When a child is younger they don't process a lecture as an older child can. Their minds simply cannot process reasoning and logic, or even right and wrong to some extent. At that age the only thing that will get through to them and make them stop the behavior that is wrong is through fear or pain. And that does not mean beating the shit out of them or making them tremble in fear at the very sight of their parents. There is a line between punishment and abuse. And it is not a fine line, but a mile wide line that you know when you've crossed it! I'm a product of spankings as punishment and I am not afraid of my parents and never was, EVER! Instead, I love, respect, and look up to them with high regards. Because they taught me well and helped me to grow into a woman who has respect for others and can function properly in society.
92, "is a safety thing, not a punishment or morals thing". Example: "Don't steal from shops, or police will put you into prison". Now what? Morals and punishment included. If a kid is smart, you might be able to just explain. If kid isn't smart or is overly rebellious, then you'll need some strong motivational force. Fear is one of the possible forces.
I dont understand why Jinxx got thumbed down because he's exactly right. Spanking and such things and lecturing are often not the right way. Child does bad thing - Child gets spanking - Child get afraid/angry/frustrated/or doesn't mind and will do the bad thing again. You don't want any of these options. When a child bullies other children he/she almost always has problems at home, or is being bullied by someone else. So punishing them is only good at first, but after a punishment you should look into why your child does this and correct it.
My experience is people, for the most part, only bully because they're insecure about themselves, and are too afraid to be vulnerable with their flaws. Therefore they pick on others weaknesses.
Ummm.... NO. Not all people/children are "good". Some of them are "bad" and bully others simply because they can. Some bully others because they 1. Think this is fun. 2. Don't think this is "wrong". 3. Don't care about what others feel/think. 4. Feel "powerful" (unstoppable, untoucheable, etc). 5. Have violent personalities.