Transportation: Today, while I was backing out of the my work's parking lot,... - FML

By Anonymous - 06/02/2010 19:50 - United States

Today, while I was backing out of the my work's parking lot, I hit my boss's truck. While he was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 801

You deserved it 23 530

Our house, in the middle of our street

Teenagers, amirite?

You're my mommy now

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 20:27 - United States

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 617

You deserved it 36 608

By Anonymous - 17/05/2011 10:06 - Finland

Spicy

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 762

You deserved it 8 226

By Anonymous - 12/06/2016 10:00 - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 210

You deserved it 2 144

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 20:00 - United States - Framingham

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 551

You deserved it 4 870

Welcoming

By Anonymous - 06/06/2014 15:45 - Australia

Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 887

You deserved it 8 331

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 19:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 669

You deserved it 4 463

By eternal - 24/06/2019 18:00

Today, while at the drive-thru at Sonic, they told me they were out of mozzarella sticks. I shed actual tears. I’m not even pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 1 159

By Idiot32 - 25/05/2019 02:00

Today, I saw my dad driving our red Dakota, and I thought it would be funny to tail him around town. It wasn't until I saw cop lights flashing in my rear-view mirror that I remembered that we'd given away our red truck. I'd scared an old lady so badly that she called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 2 532

By anonymous - 03/01/2013 10:34 - United States - Canoga Park

Spicy

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 614

You deserved it 44 725

By Stingraybeemonster - 07/04/2016 08:51 - Thailand

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 362

You deserved it 2 269

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 03:44 - Australia

Today, I had to endure my father going on a sexist rant about how women shouldn't be allowed to go to university because it's "unrealistic" since "all women" become stay-at-home mums. This is the same man who threatened to kick me out if I dropped out of uni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 520

You deserved it 2 874

By Sgt_Jackrum - 05/02/2016 10:27 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Spicy

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 195

You deserved it 2 363

By bleeding - 06/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 211

You deserved it 6 573

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Spicy

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 706

You deserved it 7 961

By erianne - 07/05/2018 15:00

Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 815

You deserved it 555

By Ouch - 29/07/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 180

You deserved it 6 788

By x - 21/02/2009 02:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, a 32 year old man I had been dating for a few months, finally took me to his place. To my surprise, this bachelor had a huge and very clean home! Also, to my surprise, I met the REAL homeowner. His grandmother, who came home early. We were having sex on her couch at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 694

You deserved it 10 330

By cdn_steed - 23/04/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 907

You deserved it 4 643

By Darwin_Award_Winner - 07/06/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 690

You deserved it 36 209

By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 844

You deserved it 33 893

By schnegg - 23/04/2016 17:33 - Switzerland

Today, the firm I work at informed all the employees about our annual staff trip. So, we're going to a tomato festival and everything is already planned and booked. I'm allergic to tomatoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 344

You deserved it 1 342

By Roma-Jay - 22/07/2012 14:13 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 651

You deserved it 48 301

By 3hoursleftofwork - 28/03/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 5 331

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 03:08 - United States - Absecon

Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 017

You deserved it 4 804

By unluckymiss - 24/01/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 522

You deserved it 4 332

By anonymous - 05/05/2015 05:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 496

You deserved it 6 285

By idonthavereligion - 29/05/2015 04:16 - United States - Palmer

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 872

You deserved it 5 548

Smoothie with a kick

By Anonymous - 02/07/2021 02:01 - Germany

Today, I made myself a smoothie with fruits and wild greens, which tasted much better than it looked, so I licked the splashes off the blender’s lid. Including a stray leaf that didn’t get blended. Which turned out to be stinging nettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 769

By hiccups - 13/01/2013 06:15 - United States - Canton

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 632

You deserved it 2 814

By ray - 16/02/2012 18:36 - Canada

Today, I dropped my bag to run after my two-year-old who had bolted in the parking lot. Once he was in his seat, I got in and drove away. I felt two large thumps as I drove over my own iPad, cellphone and wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 15 166

By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 626

You deserved it 10 262

By oops - 11/05/2015 16:40 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 425

You deserved it 9 820

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 17:23 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 669

You deserved it 3 436

By terdberglerforlyfe - 07/12/2014 20:54 - Brazil - Mogi Das Cruzes

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 737

You deserved it 4 366

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 926

You deserved it 5 363

By PLU - 27/01/2011 00:57 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 868

You deserved it 5 690

By Noname - 21/02/2009 05:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 902

You deserved it 8 289

By fleetingmemories - 29/11/2013 23:55 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 941

You deserved it 4 310

By jackzz - 09/04/2015 07:55 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 3 562

By rosmaizura - 01/10/2010 07:39 - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 361

You deserved it 22 335

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:27

it only makes it worse that he was in it because you were trying to get away without anyone knowing.

Bugatti_Veyron 1

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:26

so... did he die?

Comments

Bugatti_Veyron 1

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:26

so... did he die?

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:36

niceee u made my favorites

Ajjas013 6

Sunday 7 February 2010 3:24

Tell him his truck was ugly and you were doing him a favor.

Ajjas013 6

Sunday 7 February 2010 3:48

Then he gives you a raise. OH YEAH (Kool-Aid man reference =P)

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 5:23

What can I say, women drivers.

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 5:39

Exactly why females shouldn't drive...

Send a private message

Tuesday 9 February 2010 2:56

I smell a raise o_O

Send a private message

Thursday 11 February 2010 7:41

I would be like, more mutha fucka, fire my glock... too much tupac will change you kids... but seriouslly, YDI for driving bad

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 September 2010 8:19

but males get drunk and drive which makes them stupid , so can't we just say we all drive stupidly sometimes??

lalolalololalalo 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 October 2010 6:53

guys do it sometimes but women do it all the time

Send a private message

Saturday 26 December 2015 23:37

lol

Liammg 12

Send a private message

Thursday 26 May 2016 1:39

so woman can't drive drunk now?

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:26

now thats gotta be awkward

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:27

Add another .1202314568 to the unemployment rate

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:27

it only makes it worse that he was in it because you were trying to get away without anyone knowing.

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:32

Damn! There goes your raise. And you worked so hard fucking your way to the top...

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:34

another example of women not being able to drive

ambrz 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:55

sexist asshole!!

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 2:06

its not sexist if its true

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 4:59

it is true, I've been in 3 wrecks with women drivers, all 3 of them got tickets and my car comes out with newer parts each time. so we should let women keep driving, a shopping cart dinged my fender so I need a new one

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:42

would it have been better if he wasnt in it? ... because... thats called a hit and run.

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 1:59

learn to drive

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 2:02

I hate people like you.

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 2:09

i know right people who can't drive... then complain about it. This should read Today I was leaving work, and one of my employees backed into my truck. I just washed it to...FML

tysta 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2010 5:57

Respect and agree to the 5th dergree my homie g

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 104

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 92