Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
ChickenTenders 6
drop that thing off in the nearest pond
kidinlove 0
same here :)) i've got one too... exactly the same :-j
FarSide 23
Flush Andre down the toilet and then tell your Ex that Andre went the way of your relationship.
uchihasasuke 0
YDI for being so easy, don't let her drag u into those things!
Asmoday_fml 0
FAKE!!!! This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong. This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where...
testing_fml 0
I'll take it, I've always wanted a turtle
Ub3r_Crippl3 0
What, r u ******* honor-bound to keep it? Drop it off at her place without her knowing, and if that fails, GIVE IT AWAY. Not that hard. YDI for thinking it's a problem.
BeQuickOrBeDead_fml 0
Hahahahah. # 17 I love you! I laughed at your comment even more than the fml itself....xDDD
fifafan626 0
kill it then send her the shell
Fd4Lyfe 0
FML? How is this an FML? Turtle soup is **** ing awesome, although the preparation is not fun but its not all that difficult.