Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
Crickets 0
Aww just take care of him. How would you like it if your parents divorced and one left you with the other, but the other didn't want you either.. so they just either threw you out into the wild or let someone else care for you because they didnt love you?! You suck. So does your horrible ex.
sugarspyce 0
Yea my boyfriend wanted turtles for his birthday, so I bought him 3. 1 died. And the other two grew to be quite big. It was getting really expensive and they are high maintenance. Not to mention his house was smelling like turtles! So he gave them away. Hopefully you will find someone to give away Andre. They are a LOT of work. They need a lot of space and water and heat, etc etc. So yeah.... please find him a new home.
kapay 0
Cook it.
mmkill 0
okay first of all a good percentage of you are assholes... everyone who is saying release it is a ******* idiot... if he purchased the turtle legally it has no natural instincts ... if illegally... still chances of it being able to adapt are slim... also if you knew anything about animals being captive breed you would know that natural instincts are not carried past the second generation. everyone who says to kill it... hey guess what go shoot yourselves. oh and to the person who says turtles are ugly and unsanitary... most unsanitary animal in the world= human beings. for the poster... this does not qualify as an fml maybe ur girlfriend breaking up with u is but u should of had the common sense to know that any animal is a life time commitment...
happylittleman 0
Also it is illegal to release a turtle. They are bred in captivity or collected when they're young, so either way they grow up with a completely different set of bacteria. Releasing it will kill not only that turtle, but all the other turtles in the area. Even if it was only collected the day before, it would have to go back into the exact same body of water that it came from or it's foreign bacteria will still kill everything.
Scotticus117 11
run it over with your car! (screw you PETA freaks!) jk i guess you should like give it to a pet store or the ASPCA or whatever or your friend, kind of a lame pet though, a turtle that's gonna live for that long and remind you of her lol.
organismal 0
try to find him a good home. if you absolutely can't keep him and no one will take him, i guess you can get him humanely euthanized. thirty years isn't bad for a turtle. we have a sulcata, and they live 60+. animals are long term commitments, always. they can't toys that you throw away when you're tired of them. they're living, breathing, creatures as well. just do the best you can for him (:
_itsmeeex1bitchz 0
what's the problem? take it to the shelter.....and stop your bitchin'.
organismal 0
by the way, it's possible to care about animals without being a PETA freak, especially considering they're often worse to the animals that they "rescue" than the place they originally came from. you can be a normal person, and want fellow creatures to be treated fairly and without cruelty. most people SHOULD feel this. what makes a human so much better than another animal, anyway, other than pure human familiarity bias? if it's intelligence, then we must value apes, dolphins, some birds, etc over our children. if it's capacity for emotions, we must value even rats over our children.
phlegethon 0
Soup!
literalmanchild 0
#196 the entire point of animal shelters is so that owners don't have to euthanize animals they don't want like they're throwing out old furniture. humane euthanization would be putting a suffering animal out of its misery, there is absolutely nothing humane about killing something because no one wants to keep it around.