This fml was quite the hoot if you ask me!

Yes, but owl bet that his girlfriend doesn't agree

As a father, the OP showed very little talon-t.

if only your daughter was a bass

Go home, 59. You're drunk!

I'm pretty sure 59 just dropped the bass...

Well, this confirms it. Bitches are in fact CRAZY.

You know, like drop the ball?? C'mon guys work with me here

Some of these puns are real hOWLers!

Some really uneggs-pected puns in this thread. Some really absbird ones as well.

Make sure you remember to take your balls with you when you move out.

98, OP has balls. If he didn't, he would have begged to stay with his now ex and be a better father to their stuffed owl.

I know who he is... he's hoo-dini

Obviously 3 posted at the same time as 2 and just shared an idea for a pun, don't get why the thumbs down

68, it happens all the time. I'm usually the one to point out that the comments were posted literally at the same exact time and, usually, people lay off.

It makes me curious if the girl is pregnant and wanted to see what he would do. Either way it's pretty weird.

I am wondering how she got hypothetically pregnant. Do you suppose they broke their hypothetical condom?

I second this. Seriously think about what your life would've been like if you ended marrying a girl who freaks out about you dropping a stuffed animal? Next thing you know she'll be freaking out about forgetting to take your imaginary dog to the vet, hiring a scarecrow for a babysitter, wake you up in the middle of the night to calm the imaginary screaming baby... Seriously she did you a favor... I mean really

She just wanted to be owl alone

She can't eggs-pect you to be a good feather, maybe the nest guy will be.

The owl(daughter) is a bastard, since she's now fatherless.

It doesn't work like that.

The owl would have always been a bastard since OP wasn't married to the girl, not just now because they broke up

You are right, I'm sorry :(. The owl as always been a bastard! :,(

OP is also a bastard, just not in the literal sense like the stuffed owl. He shoulda been more careful with his inanimate objects...

I feel weird using the word "literal" when describing the parental status of a stuffed owl...

this would have been funny had you said featherless .. jus sayin.

I think the Harry Potter reference has missed everyone.

Hagrid says "you're a wizard Harry" I know the reference but 19 took it in a different direction so I went with that

You're a bastard, Harry .... Think its more of an old school and classic movie reference unless I miss the mark entirely.

I don't get the Harry reference at all, is it sad that I would like to request an explanation? Lol

Now we know what really happened to Hedwig.

How else do you teach your baby owl to fly? Sounds like Mom just has empty nest syndrome to me.

You're trying too hard.

^you're trying too hard to be a smartass, apparently.