Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
j_f_a_l 0
how is that an fml?...
Night22_fml 4
give him to a petco.
ch_kisama 0
tell her to take or give it away...not an FML (well the break up might be but not the turtle thing)
brasileirinha 0
Lol that sucks but can't you just sell him to a petstore or give him away to someone you know?
ch_kisama 0
tell her to take it or you're gonna give it away...not an FML
edellio 0
HAHAHA just sell it ya loser XD
HeyitsPheddy 0
I love that you named it Andre. And who the **** cares? The FML that came out with a comic says that guy has to deal with a kid. Be thankful your not that guy
Squirrellord911 0
Sell it to a pet store or the old lady down the street
dickface_fml 0
Set it free you ****** pussy
TuxedoBento 1
#11 you're a moron. Turtles are one of the easiest pets to take care of. How can you possibly say they're harder to take care of than a dog? Dogs require shots, daily walks, grooming, and are more likely to get into problems than a slow moving turtle that's in a tank. The only thing i'd disagree with #9 is that the tank needs to be changed about once every one or two weeks at minimum (not once per month).