Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
LostAndNotFound 0
make some turtle soup.
jennam_fml 4
#201, and #212, the turtle soup comment has been made many times already.
hippiehigh 0
please take care of it. its not the animals faultt ur exgf is a selfish bitch. take care of that baby, or give it to me :)
gildedmuse 0
People do this to others with human children and you believe your life is "******" because of a turtle? If the simple responsibility of owning a pet is enough to **** up your life, perhaps you're not in a place where you should be in committed relationships.
inam83 0
Damn beaten to the turtle soup comment. But in all honesty...it's sooooooo good.
Endymion_fml 0
Goddamn it, ANOTHER post that just elicits the response: And? So what? You have a turtle, boo-freaking-hoo. If you don't want it, give the bloody thing away. And doing research *after* you get a pet? Real smart. I'm just sorry you didn't get something venomous. At least it would have saved us from a lousy submission.
volleyballchicka_fml 0
leave it at her door.
theteenjoker 0
Feed them radioactivity or some other glowing green shit... and you'll have teenage mutant ninja turtles... seriously, how ******* awesome it that?
zveltsen 2
Animal shelter for sure, and definitely not PETA please. YDL in a way, but then again I've seen a guy buying a kitten before because the girlfriend wanted it - and the kitten wasn't cheap lol, so also FYL.
MoeSediqe 0
Hello, if you dont want the turtle, then i can take him. no joke. email me at [email protected]. Hope to hear from you soon!