Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (366)
ASUdec 0
Not if you don't feed it. Or accidently drop him into boiling water and he somehow came out as your dinner.
Asdas_fml 0
I heard turtle soup is delicious.
Kutsa 0
Why is everyone here so hateful against animals? Killing the turtle or torturing it is definitely not acceptable. You should just give it back to her, if she wanted you to buy it, she should be willing to take care of it too.
Jord111222333 0
Give it to an elementary; they love class pets. Besides, turtles have siminella!
happylittleman 0
Salmonella. Learn to spell.
Cittenscollar 0
Yeah, give it to an elementary school so it can be neglected! Class pets live the saddest lives.
thuryn 2
Turtle. Soup. Or, for the particularly evil: Joint. Custody.
00754chan 0
It won't live for the expected 30 years if you kill it. or practically kill it, don't give it heat/light, don't feed it, etc.
Tmccray 0
#17 I agree Take the "Lector" way out..OWNED!
anathemablack 0
I'm right there with you. I got my now ex-wife a cat, and guess who's stuck with it... Word of advice: Never buy anybody a pet unless you know you're stuck with them for the rest of your life.
Cheesegrater 0
Turtle for shooting
theblondeglory 0
I got a turtle with my boyfriend too without knowing it would live to be 35 (or so) years old. It now has a huge tank, and I have probably spent upwards of $1,500 on all of the tank equipment and food and stuff. Although we bought it "together" I generally have to do everything for it and if we ever broke up the turtle would be mine. Although a lot of people like turtles, and you could give it away to someone who would actually appreciate it- or try to get your ex to take it. Just don't hurt Andre... btw "releasing him into the wild" is hurting him...