Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
Laceymichelle 0
Somwhat confusing. xD
Cali_Chick 0
That stinks. Things could be worse though...like having to take care of those huge-ass squawking birds that live for like 60 years?? I'm sure you'll be able to figure something out. Good luck!
thelonelylurker 0
Erm... turtles are the cacti of animal pets. You give it a tank with a water heater and water filter, throw a rock in there and you're good to go lol. They're way hardier than fish and you can play with them too! Dump the girl if you want, keep the turtle.
ellysa_fml 0
Um like sell it. It's not against the law.
nirvan5a 1
lol , at least he will be with u longer than ur girlfriend.
lady_gogo 0
hey guys, don't be mean to that poor thing. Just keep it, don't kill it, or if you really can't take care of it-- give it away. Just don't kill it.
killjoy131 0
kill the thing.
californicated 0
f*ck the turtles life for 1) being named Andre, of all names.. and 2) having an asshole owner like you. is it that bad to take care of a damn turtle? god.
MMMMorshu 0
lol 4, nice Red Hot Chili Peppers Reference yea, I would just give it away if you truly can't take care of it lol 248
AndelleRae 9
Dude, bitches suck. I'm drunk, and blunt, but I have no problem calling other women bitches. Seriously. Most of them are immature and do nothing but think of themselves. If you really don't want the turtle, just give it up to someone who will take care of it. I personally think turtles are awesome, but that's no reason for you to have to keep something you don't want, especially if you didn't even want it in the first place.