Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
pepperburn 0
Just give it away, it's been said many times and it's a very simple solution if you don't want it.
FunkyVerb 0
So... give it away.
krystal_love 0
# 34 - "let me give u an idea. take the turtle to ur gf under one arm and in the other a knife. "You take it or it dies right now you bitch" haha i love you
Abs_Seraph 0
Rofl; You'll get over her sooner or later... I know you might not want anything to remind you of her right now, but eventually you'll face it and feel fine about the whole break up. Think of Andre, man! Turtles are pimp... Turtles fo life!
maggy_fml 0
awww turtles are awesome. i have three red eared sliders. two were given to me by lazy bums who didn't want them anymore but i still love them. and one, the only girl (named speedy), but with the best personality, i got as a baby, but she's huge now. she's always hyper, loves tv and loves people, turtles are awesome when you raise them right, and i definitely raised speedy right. so yeah having a turtle won't be as boring as people make it seem. they're very fun if they have a friend, they even play tug-of-war with food xD
Silent_Defeat 0
OMG GIVE IT TO ME.
fmeinmylife 0
Poison it
Clean_Member 0
I had the exact same thing happen to me a couple months ago.... It is a tortoise thought.
pepperburn 0
raise it to be the next teenage mutant ninja turtle, start teaching it ninjutsu
stop_whining 0
Two options: soup. pond.