Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
askbobby96 0
Sounds like if your girlfriend wanted it so bad, she should have taken it. YDI for not making her take it, and FYL for having to deal with a bitch.
CaptainDude86 0
dude, you can throw that thing down the stairs and it won't even blink. TURTLES NEVER DIE. that's why they are a great pet for little kids. On the other hand, with fish you will attend a lot of tearful toiletside funerals.
mustlovemarvin 0
Turtle soup!
Lolitajv 0
Either make her take it, because it was her idea. Or, give it away to a new home. Or, deal with it and take care of it.
blondie415 0
Drop Andre off at her front porch in a shoebox. Let her deal with him.
The_Unspool 0
Sneak into her house/apartment and place "Andre" in her bed. She'll learn her lesson!
151Henry151 0
Squash the thing.
hellosailorr 0
give him away. easy. then you can actually get on with your life and move on from her without a constant reminder.
cattoe7 0
just take care of the freaking turtle until you can find someone that wants it .. be nice to the poor little turtle.. and i say f the turtles life..
byaaah 0
cut its head off and put it in her bed like the godfather