Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
whyohwhyohwhy 0
easy fix, leave andre (awesome turtle name by the way) and all of andres things on her doorstep. move on.
sjam 0
You can find a place for him, another owner, a sanctuary, a zoo (some places have ponds/local wildlife displays), just don't release him into the wild or give him away to someone who doesn't know what they're doing. It's not poor Andre's fault you dated a jerk :(
Achromatic 0
**** the turtle's life, with all the dysfunctional borderline sociopathic retards on this site saying "kill it!" "starve it!" "run over it!" "throw it in the trash!"
LetItRock2009 0
People are terrible! I'll take it!!! Poor thing.
The_Frost 0
You two should stay together at least until the turtle gets out of college.
darthstumpy 0
Crap, I've had a turtle for 15 years and I had no idea they were so much work. Seriously, what more is there than feeding it and cleaning its tank regularly? Should I be playing with him in the yard or taking him for walks or something?
demonkey_fml 4
That's why God made Craigslist...
ohhsnapp 0
awwwh. turtles are so cute. and andre! thats such a cute name. :] maybe she'll get sick of andre. just chill. its a turtle.
IAmBridgette 0
Turtles are cool! :D
Spartoob 0
stomp it.