Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
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Top comments
Valentina_Baby 7
Troll mom strikes again!
badwolfbluebox 7
Firstly though, your mother called you 'that' ?
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Comments (194)
bizarre_ftw 22
Go up to her and say in a very patronizing tone "do you have your special friend?"
calilovesneb 12
Definition of a worthless parent right there.
TheKidEka 9
Hahah
bizarre_ftw 22
Or, of course, just say: "Well someone slept with you didn't they? I think I'll be fine."
benmec 18
What???!! Your dad's name is Dan??
Kitties_Outcast 1
That's when you say I KNOW I WISH I LOOKED MORE LIKE MY DAD! lol jk that's awful that she woulda say that
R3kli3 10
Maybe your mom got jealous 'cause she knows she hardly gets some since she's always in the kitchen.
andrewsgirl2010 7
Ohh ouch :/ your mom sounds like a real bitch.
immaMonsta 8
My God...I hope for your sake she was joking. That's taking it too far. Parents don't seem to realize that what they say can actually hurt their child's feelings sometimes.
Isoldael 27
Dad, to mom: "That's funny, it's exactly what me and my friends used to say about you, and look what happened..."