Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
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Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
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Top comments
Valentina_Baby 7
Troll mom strikes again!
badwolfbluebox 7
Firstly though, your mother called you 'that' ?
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Comments (194)
MidnaLink 35
Uh-uh. No child ever deserves to be called ugly by their parents! Your mom is a horrible bitch.
sceneginger013 1
Fire back and say "well if someone slept with you, i obviously have a chance"
ArentWeAll 4
Moms just trying to save you from the sex talk :/
Aphrodisiac1978 7
That sucks!!!! There's somebody for everybody.
ChelseaMarie1598 2
Ohh shit thats crazy
cassidy0922 6
Your moms a bitch. Plain and simple.
kx1234 3
I would of been like **** you the only reason u still get laid is because your **** ass got pregnant and walk saying baby daddy
corinnestorchee1 0
Wait your how old and your dad was giving you the sex talk? But anyways.. Mean mom.. Very mean mom!
abunny7 5
Oh gosh that's just sad. My dad has said tha sme thing to me :/
nuggetman213 0
That's when you bring your girlfriend home