Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Valentina_Baby 7
Troll mom strikes again!
badwolfbluebox 7
Firstly though, your mother called you 'that' ?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (194)
angelofsaturn 23
Just remind your mom that she will end up in the nursing home of your choosing cause she definitely can't live with you if she acts like that.
valentin0_villar 0
That's the best mom. Prove her wrong do it in her room
Go_Away_141998 4
Next time reply, "I don't know, Mom. Dad slept with you."
FarscapeSDC 9
Yeah, I've been told something similar by my parents, and my grandparents, and my friends, and my teachers, colleagues and people I've just met... still, sucks to be you.
capslockisgood 19
Inform her that you have her genes.
cna1216 15
Dan needs to talk tobhis wife.
year2015 11
If you're just having the sex talk now, then you must be 12-14 years old.
MrCommunism 19
You never know, people have crazy fetishes