Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Valentina_Baby 7
Troll mom strikes again!
badwolfbluebox 7
Firstly though, your mother called you 'that' ?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (194)
poilako 0
I felt like voting "I agree, your life sucks" 50 times
BunBunBabe 8
Was the word THAT necessary? Couldn't she have at least addressed you properly, she's your mom
skyeyez9 25
I find it weird when a parent ridicules their own child for their appearance. After all, the kid shares their dna and got his/her looks from them.
zebralover23 14
You should of said But dad slept with you! I would of.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Should have*, would have*. *sigh* Why don't people know this?
IAM26E4U 0
Dude you are too young for this app if you are just now getting the sex talk...
5t3ff1k4h 47
Not necessarily. Some people don't get that talk until their late teens.
Locoluis 15
A face only a mom could love? You wish. FYL.
NoKittyMyPotPie 3
You should have asked your dad " why did you **** that?" and laugh at your mom.
onorexveritas 24
wow o.o
whippymcdumb4zs 0
Don't worry, she's in school... They'll teach her proper punctuation eventually... Right?
SuperNavi64 9
Aw that's so mean of ur mom! If your A's 'ugly' as she says (which I'm sure your not ugly everyone is beautiful) it's her fault :) But to make u feel better, your sexy okay? Hehe