Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
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Top comments
Valentina_Baby 7
Troll mom strikes again!
badwolfbluebox 7
Firstly though, your mother called you 'that' ?
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Comments (194)
Swiftly 0
Damn that's cold
MissRoxiie 12
I bet she was only joking :3
Skaterdrew 0
If you really wanted to get her back: Dad said something almost exactly like that about you! Except he said he said you blackmailed him!
TheEpicMilkMan 13
they do realize it took them two to make you right? so necessarily they just made fun of their own genes *facepalm*
foolycooly910 5
how would i send u a message theEpicMilkMan
TheEpicMilkMan 13
@88 well you would generally click on my name or picture (or touch if your on a phone) and there should be an option to send me a message lol
bizarre_ftw 22
Damn mods deleted a comment and killed my joke >.< well hi there then
PInK_ExCiTeD 7
Ouch! That hurts lol
deyona 0
BURNTT! :/
TrentF13 12
Your mom is a total snobby poop face...
Classlfied 4
I watched the goonies...
Pandacupcakelove 26
Harsh! :/
Random951 12
That's when you show her a picture of some random girl on the Internet and say "Too late, this woman already did".