Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
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Top comments
Valentina_Baby 7
Troll mom strikes again!
badwolfbluebox 7
Firstly though, your mother called you 'that' ?
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Comments (194)
perdix 31
To paraphrase the Bible, "With alcohol, all things are possible." And roofies, and cash.
baygirl564 9
Michael kelso: BURN
desireev 18
I'm glad to hear that she's not encouraging sex... But that is down right mean! If you had any self esteem issues, good old Mom just topped them off! Tell her 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!'. I'm so sorry, OP! FYL, for sure! :(
RabidBunny 10
My parents and everyone I know tell me that all the time :( You should have respond by saying "Well I do take after you mom" :D
Jannettecooks 1
Well, I hope you know that's not true. There is someone for everyone. :)
tmbfan 11
Wow, that is upsetting. Your mom is a bitch!! FYL
linkinpark98 24
Your picture always makes me say this in my head: "EYELASHES!"
Meowingtons500 18
Awe, don't let those hurtful words hurt you OP. If someone as ugly as Marc Anthony can marry a beaut like JLO I'm sure you'll find someone. :)
twifan1901 0
You should have said but mom everyone always say I look like you
MrsUresti 8
Omg how rude of her!!!! Don't listen to her OP!!!!!
linkinpark98 24
Say this: "Well, everybody tells me I got my looks from you."
anajanet1 4
That's horrible