Intimacy: Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you... - FML

By Ihatemylife - 03/03/2013 12:17 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 766

You deserved it 6 345

Walk the line

Hot lava from both ends

The client is always right

By Estee1024 - 24/01/2014 05:28 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 47 920

You deserved it 5 616

By bkay26 - 29/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 618

You deserved it 7 543

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 956

You deserved it 1 912

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 13:20 - Spain

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 750

You deserved it 23 180

By idated a moron - 10/06/2019 16:07

Today, while making plans with my boyfriend, I told him we could have lunch after my appointment with the gynecologist. He started screaming, cussing and calling me a whore. According to him, women only go to the gyno if they have an STD, which I must’ve gotten from cheating. He’s an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 596

You deserved it 272

The bottom line

By Anonymous - 20/11/2021 19:02 - United States - Chicago

Today, I work in healthcare, and I was told that since someone quit I have to work Thanksgiving weekend, Christmas day, and all of New Year's weekend. This is after I was told, "Our workplace is a family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 79

By Tabby - 06/08/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 515

You deserved it 3 833

By medik - 23/02/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 832

You deserved it 8 155

By Serire - 23/09/2014 00:23 - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 170

You deserved it 5 178

Today, on Dr. Phil…

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 439

By funkyhed84 - 31/05/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I answered the door to two Mormon girls from America. I live in the UK and am not religious at all, but I was too polite to slam the door and ended up letting them in. An hour later, a copy of 'The Book of Mormon' and 'My Pathway to Baptism' and I think I'm now a Mormon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 112

You deserved it 1 543

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 393

You deserved it 9 021

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 665

You deserved it 40 872

By Thanksiguess - 19/02/2018 15:00

Today, I told my dad that I'm pregnant. He shook his head and said, sadly, "What a waste. You're way too young to throw your life away like this." Silly me; I was worried that at 46 I might be too old for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 881

You deserved it 385

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 01:49 - United States

Today, I was out on a dinner date when suddenly a girl walks up to us and says to my date, "Girl, you can do so much better." Hearing this, my date looks at me, nods, gets up and walks off. I still had to pay for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 425

You deserved it 3 873

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her parents seemed upset, so I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, at least the weekend is coming up and you guys won't have to go in for work." Apparently, they were upset because they both got laid off from their jobs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 462

You deserved it 8 418

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 112

You deserved it 8 816

By i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming - 03/01/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 137

You deserved it 6 360

By Dump Tump - 29/03/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 159

By hotpatata - 06/07/2012 15:03 - United States

Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 008

You deserved it 2 224

Compromises

By DepressionBetty - 11/10/2021 08:00

Today, I realized I agreed to go to the gym with my fiancé after being on my feet at work all day because he wants to get fit, but he will not help me remodel the house I’m working on so we can have a bigger place to live, because he doesn’t feel like it. I don’t want or need to go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 222

By tamponface - 30/07/2011 12:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I was really excited because the girl I'd liked since freshman year asked me out. She came to my house and my mom decided to show her baby pictures of me with tampons up my nose because I'd had a nose bleed. Even worse, there was one picture of me when I was 15 doing the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 883

You deserved it 9 862

By MsConfusedd - 01/09/2012 04:30 - United States - Hazlet

Today, I learned that my 76 year-old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 686

You deserved it 2 019

By me - 30/04/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, I was sword fighting in a play when I accidentally hit the other person in the head. He called me a bitch and stormed off stage, leaving me alone with an audience of 50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 167

You deserved it 5 175

Sneaky dad

By say no to dick - 18/04/2014 22:56 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 699

You deserved it 43 505

By anonYmous - 26/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, I received a phone call from my 91-year-old grandpa. He was lost driving somewhere in my town. I then spent the next few hours trying to teach him how to send his location until his phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 973

You deserved it 753

By drunkennight - 23/11/2009 03:45 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then goes on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 969

You deserved it 42 238

Rollercoaster

By thathoe - 12/11/2021 19:00 - United States - Cloquet

Spicy

Today, I found I’m pregnant. I hooked up with my ex when my now boyfriend and I had broken up for a week. My ex doesn’t want kids. It’s most likely my ex's kid. My boyfriend has now proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 2 399

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 21:59 - Australia - Epping

Today, my disability job agent, who's supposed to help me find work that fits my limitations, told me to immediately withdraw from a job offer that suited me, because it didn't meet her "benchmark". She then told me that she would decide what's "appropriate" for me, and if I don't comply, my support will be revoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 53

By I'm disgusting - 26/05/2019 22:11

Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 3 091

By fuck teh poleese - 12/02/2012 21:50 - United States

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 975

You deserved it 29 413

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 04:30 - Ireland

Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 494

You deserved it 12 401

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 985

You deserved it 4 715

By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, my mother sent my birthday present to me four days late. It was a handy keychain blood alcohol detector so I can make sure I'm sober before I drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 7 651

Mask off

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 20:00 - India

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 169

By Knottywoman - 03/09/2017 23:15

Today, I dreamt my fiancé was rolling frozen potatoes onto my bed to wake me up. In reality I woke up screaming to intense cramps in my legs which almost reduced me to tears. I could barely walk for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 160

You deserved it 226

Surf's Up

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 12:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, as I was strapping my boogie board to my wrist, a wave slammed the board right into my crotch. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 132

By It was the 11 year old - 21/07/2012 08:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 845

You deserved it 5 004

By ouch - 09/12/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 037

You deserved it 76 168

By Tressa95 - 25/02/2018 18:30 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 607

You deserved it 296

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Top comments

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:27

Yeah, I hate it when a penis grows out of your vagina too, it causes so much confusion.

Kal3Y 12

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:26

Thailand problems

Comments

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:24

Well, are you?

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:31

Did you ask to cuddle after...

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Sunday 3 March 2013 18:24

The logical answer would be that he's on the small side or that he's good at it, that she thinks only a woman would know how to hit the right spot.

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Sunday 3 March 2013 20:27

Bust your nut then roll over and sleep. Question answered....

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Monday 4 March 2013 2:11

Tell her " you should ask this loooong dick! Alright alright alriiiiighttt"

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Monday 4 March 2013 6:44

She "learned today"!

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Monday 4 March 2013 8:43

63, my first thought is exactly yours. My second thought is that she didn't think he knew was he was doing and, instead of suggesting what makes sex enjoyable for her, she made a below-the-belt comment, putting down his manhood. I don't know which is worse.

kate12345678901 15

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:25

you must be really small

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:39

Gee I'm sure that made OP feel so much better about the situation.

ironichalibut 24

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Sunday 3 March 2013 18:44

Or his girlfriend is a gaper?

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Sunday 3 March 2013 22:58

Maybe op just lied still.

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:25

She's a bitch!

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Sunday 3 March 2013 17:40

Well thank you very much for pointing that out!

Kal3Y 12

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:26

Thailand problems

karpoi 11

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Sunday 3 March 2013 21:05

I find that so offensive, since I'm a Thai girl, but it's so funny at the same time. Hahaha.

RedPillSucks 31

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Sunday 3 March 2013 21:17

Erm.... I don't get it

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Sunday 3 March 2013 21:38

Then you aren't old enough...

mr_sarcastic416 29

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Sunday 3 March 2013 21:40

visit Thailand..... or go to some porn site and search for "Thai lady"

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Monday 4 March 2013 1:18

Not old enough.....I'm 31 and I don't get it!

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Monday 4 March 2013 1:33

Then you simply don't know that Thailand is one of the places with a lot of transgenders. If you visit the country you'll see one, no matter what.

v1kt4r 13

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Monday 4 March 2013 4:09

And you KNOW!! Those are some Thailand problems.. My friends went to Thailand and come back talking about "Thailand Problems"

razzledazzle21 23

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Monday 4 March 2013 4:26

Go watch The Hangover 2.

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:40

I thought it was China that had lots of transgender people, apparently it's both!

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:27

Got yourself some moobs?

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Sunday 3 March 2013 18:32

… like Jabba.

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Sunday 3 March 2013 19:37

Pizza the Hut

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Wednesday 6 March 2013 7:39

He got dem moobs like Jabba, got dem moooooves like Jabba.

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:27

Yeah, I hate it when a penis grows out of your vagina too, it causes so much confusion.

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Sunday 3 March 2013 17:01

"excuse me while I WHIP THIS OUT!" *crowd screams*

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:27

I'm near the top of the list for once!

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:31

Yet this is what you post?

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:27

Maybe you weren't 'up' for the occasion and that was her (rude) way of asking about it?

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:30

I'd hope the OP would be able to notice that. It's the part about him not knowing that makes this one so confusing.

SApprentice 34

Sunday 3 March 2013 16:28

"Yeah, I'm sure I'm a guy. I'm a single guy."

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Sunday 3 March 2013 17:19

He also could've responded(and been kicked out) with, "Is it even in yet?"

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Sunday 3 March 2013 17:25

Only someone with balls would say such a statement! :P

whostolemylama 12

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Sunday 3 March 2013 16:28

Sometimes during sex a person is so dazed that they may say random things like "I lile your feet" or "Oh my god, if dad finds out" just to name a few..This has nothing to do with real life encounters! Moves eyes back and forth.

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Sunday 3 March 2013 17:14

Yeeeeeeeeah... Speak for yourself, dude.

SomeRandomGuy15 18

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Sunday 3 March 2013 17:31

They're certainly dazed if they say "I lile your feet." What the heck is lile?

TheFirstSamurai 18

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Sunday 3 March 2013 17:59

lile Web definitions (liling) 1. a. slîlang. holey; full of cracks. § Ûma âka liling âduh. Wamtla na slîlang na. My, your house is full of cracks....

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 5

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 759

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 977