Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML
Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML
Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML
Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML
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Top comments
hairdreser0nfire 0
And I'm sure he left u a little parting gift. Get tested and dont have one night stands.
Freeze_fml 17
That's what happens when you let strangers in your house, dumbass.
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Comments (180)
Domonator 16
I wonder what tonite's guy will take?
Poepiepiesie 3
Her phone i hope so we won't have to see this crap anymore.
eddieyes 0
don't you have anything more valuable to stole from? you poor one-night-standish girl
ijenah 0
who cares if she is or isn't poor! she was still robbed o. o
RofLmao12 0
WTF us up with your picture?
koldfire 1
gayest pic ever. it screams take my anal virginity. kudos if that's what your going for. lol
fastasstang 0
koldfire that's funny as shit dude I'm with you on that one, he defs looks like a fag ready to take it up the ass
Anaxes 5
This is why you have to buy 2 night stands instead of 1. If there's 2, they'll be too busy competing for who has the coolest way to screw the owner whereas if you only buy 1 it won't be distracted and it will steal the clothes off your back and transform into a night run.
darkblonde 0
:D Made me laugh out loud.
sevans 0
win lol (literally).
cmac86 24
dumb ****. ydi for being of "easy virtue". did he"steal" your virginity, too?
CallMeHush 1
It happens, I've woken up sticky, broke and confused. Oh the lessons we learn.
clintmaggard 0
hey(:
icuddy69 0
Today, The girl I Had a One Night stand with Had Nothing Valuable To Steal, so the best i could do was Shampoo, Conditioner, and a Blanket FML
chloec16 0
win ^
koldfire 1
^potentially hott.
Anaxes 5
You need to quit your whining because this is nothing compared to some people in this economy. Don't worry, Karma will get him back for you. (I wonder if anyone will understand)
marinus_fml 20
Yes, I understand. You do not believe in karma?
Anaxes 5
Marinus, you have obtained one half of a Xarxes snack. Do you wish to continue for another half of that Xarxes snack?
ohthebloodygore 16
Economy.
Anaxes 5
I guess you can have that half of the Xarxes snack then, but so that someone can get a full Xarxes snack which will allow me to continue with a very long, annoying and pointless plotline that leads to nothingness, I shall add a few more phrases. That man is evil, but then why did you let one into your house? That's inviting danger. All men are bad. Why didn't he steal your Mac? He's probably some square with a PC. I hope you didn't have any meat in that fridge to steal because meat is murder. did he steel ur ifone? what a stupid douche face fuckbag He'll go to hell because all sinners go there after being judged by the lord. If you're pregnant, don't you dare kill the baby! Are you sure he didn't borrow that stuff? You shouldn't assume he stole it, because you could have called the wrong number, so be sure before you accuse next time please.
ohthebloodygore 16
Douche and mac. Only name two, correct? I want my full snack!
marinus_fml 20
All those phrases are related directly to your profile page.
Anaxes 5
OhTheBloodyGore, you have now have 2 halves of a Xarxes snack in your inventory. The pieces radiate with energy as they come together and fuse into a Xarxes snack. What do you do now? Ok Marinus, you can have a Xarxes snack too. But the fusion is even brighter because you made a clear link.
marinus_fml 20
Bloodygore and I will have to share the one snack. Luckily Bloodygore is my best friend, so i don't mind sharing.
Anaxes 5
Fine fine, we'll change the damn storyline for you then. The 2 snacks fuse into each other but then break into a half for each of you, and they're exactly the same now. (If this is vague I'll explain - You have 1 hemisphere of Xarxes snack and Bloody Gore has another hemisphere of Xarxes snack.) What do both of you do with the snack halves?
Anaxes 5
Do you: -Eat the snack pieces? -Throw them away? -Try to stab a small child to death with your halves? (The halves are sharp at the point) -Miscellaneous?
marinus_fml 20
I bet you're looking for the answer C) however, I would not do that, so I would A)
Anaxes 5
You eat your half of the Xarxes snack. You pass out from the sheer awesomeness of this snack. You have awoken inside a pit. A slave pit. For whatever reason, you seem to still have the Xarxes snack half in your inventory. What do you do? - Miscellaneous? (I'm not coming up with ideas anymore, that isn't the dungeon master's job goddamnit)
InDenial 6
Anaxes, you are a legend.
MeMeek 0
Are you sure he wasn't homeless?
icuddy69 0
No Sir, I wasn't Homeless! Rude Of you to ask if I do say so My Self!
77taylah33 0
how do you know if he was homeless??!?!?
SadinSherman 16
Assumption
dreamering 16
I don’t understand the point. What do you expect from one night stand? I understand that you didn’t expect all that shit to be stolen, but the rest? I mean, he left. That’s common in these situations, but you worry about the items he stole and that you’re cold??? Sorry to say it but you’re the definition of the bitch and you deserve it for ******* a bum.
RakaI 8
You are wrong.