By Anonymous - 2/9/2021 14:01

It's not me, it's you

Today, my boyfriend of the last 2 years, who is suicidal and heavily depressed, left me because he thinks I "deserve better". Not to mention I was his best friend, therapist, mother and girlfriend all in one. He left me with rent due in a week and all other expenses because he couldn’t take care of me in return. FML
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By  RichardPencil  |  30

You should be relieved. He would never let you be happy.

He's too much of a burden on you, and unless you really are a therapist, you are out of your depth trying to fix him.

Pretty soon, you'll realize this is a blessing in disguise.

By  Marcella1016  |  31

I agree with the others that this may be a good thing in the long-term. Depressed, hurting people can be toxic to those around them, develop a dangerous co-dependency, and more. Professional help would do him good. While you were there to help support him, it probably did pull you down as well. I went through this with an ex, and it can be extremely painful when they put themselves first, especially after all you’ve done for them. But feel proud of the support you gave him while your relationship lasted, mourn its end, wish him the best, and move forward to hopefully eventually find someone more healthy for you.

That’s not actually my main point here, though - the TIMING of his departure was terrible and extremely self-centered and thoughtless. Like wtf. Yes, he is depressed and needs sympathy, but you do NOT leave someone in a lurch. I’ve suffered from near-crippling depression myself, and I would never do something like that - no matter how I’m feeling, I try to be considerate and extend basic decency to others.

He was there for 75% of this month and left with no notice. You need to ask him for at least 75% of his portion of the rent, if not the whole thing since he did not give you any notice. Possibly even for next month as well - you’re probably on a lease that you signed with his ability to cover part of the rent in mind. From a practical standpoint, yeah his depression and the breakup both suck, but you still have bills to pay and you shouldn’t need to suffer. Major insult to injury.

I hope you are able to approach him and make this request. It’s not unreasonable at all, no matter what he is going through. Good luck, OP, and sorry you’re going through all of this.

COMMENTS
By  RichardPencil  |  30

You should be relieved. He would never let you be happy.

He's too much of a burden on you, and unless you really are a therapist, you are out of your depth trying to fix him.

Pretty soon, you'll realize this is a blessing in disguise.

Reply
  Chazzster  |  22

I am very sorry both for OP and her depressed boyfriend. Sadly I tend to agree with the comment. Major depression requires professional help. Also when people are depressed they are not necessarily thinking normally. He probably told you exactly what he feels, so don’t take this as a personal rejection.

I don’t believe most people suffering from depression are likely to intentionally take advantage of others, but sometimes in extreme cases their emotional troubles and needs are so overwhelming that they can weigh down most laypeople with their emotional burdens.

Reply
  Marcella1016  |  31

Hmm WadStakk I actually didn’t know that. And you made me Google it to verify. Now I need to erase my search history and reformulate my murder-for-the-life-insurance plot.

By  Marcella1016  |  31

I agree with the others that this may be a good thing in the long-term. Depressed, hurting people can be toxic to those around them, develop a dangerous co-dependency, and more. Professional help would do him good. While you were there to help support him, it probably did pull you down as well. I went through this with an ex, and it can be extremely painful when they put themselves first, especially after all you’ve done for them. But feel proud of the support you gave him while your relationship lasted, mourn its end, wish him the best, and move forward to hopefully eventually find someone more healthy for you.

That’s not actually my main point here, though - the TIMING of his departure was terrible and extremely self-centered and thoughtless. Like wtf. Yes, he is depressed and needs sympathy, but you do NOT leave someone in a lurch. I’ve suffered from near-crippling depression myself, and I would never do something like that - no matter how I’m feeling, I try to be considerate and extend basic decency to others.

He was there for 75% of this month and left with no notice. You need to ask him for at least 75% of his portion of the rent, if not the whole thing since he did not give you any notice. Possibly even for next month as well - you’re probably on a lease that you signed with his ability to cover part of the rent in mind. From a practical standpoint, yeah his depression and the breakup both suck, but you still have bills to pay and you shouldn’t need to suffer. Major insult to injury.

I hope you are able to approach him and make this request. It’s not unreasonable at all, no matter what he is going through. Good luck, OP, and sorry you’re going through all of this.