Love: Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to...

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 576

You deserved it 88 822

Love

Best teeth in the game

BO Central

I blame the parents

By Me - 20/12/2016 01:40 - United States - Canyon Lake

Today, while reading out loud in front of my entire class and teacher, I learned that I can't pronounce the word 'success'. It came out as 'sex', and when I tried to correct myself more slowly (multiple times), it came out 'sexsex'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 879

You deserved it 1 189

By random person - 13/11/2011 06:16 - United States

Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe;)." and "Shit wrong person." to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 487

You deserved it 62 222

By lonelyinlondon - 21/08/2009 02:06 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 680

You deserved it 3 307

By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 05:05 - United States - San Diego

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 111

You deserved it 2 836

By grrr1234 - 01/07/2012 16:00

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 604

You deserved it 6 288

No excuse

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 14:01

Today, I missed my chance to see my mum for the last time because my son is such a selfish druggie, he couldn’t be bothered to stay sober long enough to pass on the message from the hospital that she was deteriorating fast, and likely only had a few hours left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 322

You deserved it 187

By jumanji - 23/03/2015 23:19

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 343

You deserved it 2 629

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 14:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 238

You deserved it 4 883

By HELP - 07/06/2012 01:25 - United States

Today, I moved into a new house. The landlord insists it's OK for her to come up whenever she wants because she owns the house. We aren't allowed to lock the doors and she has two 8-year-olds. They come into the bathroom every time they hear the shower running. We have a clear shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 383

You deserved it 4 229

By well great. - 17/05/2013 22:28 - United States - Pascagoula

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 039

You deserved it 11 896

By BuspassBob - 10/09/2012 16:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 995

You deserved it 6 607

By staticman101 - 04/10/2012 03:14 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 444

You deserved it 33 963

Criminal Minds

By Anonymous - 18/09/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 555

You deserved it 113

By myself - 30/01/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 257

You deserved it 3 932

Creepy

By Dummy - 10/11/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 574

You deserved it 16 006

By Nickname - 12/10/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 723

You deserved it 13 823

By fml - 21/02/2015 02:54 - United States - Denver

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 2 616

By OneYearMistake. - 22/07/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 529

You deserved it 6 071

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 17:46 - Canada

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 964

You deserved it 3 830

By Ploeboi - 04/08/2010 08:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 287

You deserved it 8 860

By Labelme - 02/01/2010 08:26 - United States

Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 138

You deserved it 2 977

By mikeyamazing - 28/12/2009 05:00 - France

Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact list a holiday message. Almost everyone replied back "who's this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 411

You deserved it 4 780

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 695

You deserved it 36 269

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 04:00

Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 189

By sorryyouweregone - 25/03/2013 13:13 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 186

You deserved it 6 153

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I was in the Cafeteria at a table near the guy I like. He was playing around with a ball with a couple of his friends. They dropped it, and it rolled over next to my foot. When I bent down to pick it up, I smashed my head against a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 624

You deserved it 5 007

By JoeyTheJedi - 18/10/2016 00:31 - United States - Batesville

Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 325

You deserved it 1 311

By militiousroflcopter - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 247

You deserved it 24 027

By guttedgirl - 04/06/2011 11:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend's band has become quite popular on YouTube. My friends and sister won't stop singing their songs. Most of them were written after I dumped him, and go on to say how much better off he is without me and how horrible I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 315

You deserved it 23 507

By Well then - 01/03/2019 20:00

Today, I realised that the only thing that's got fucked since I started uni is my sleep cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 355

Home alone

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 17:00

Today, I was in the bathroom taking a massive dump, with the door closed, moaning and yelling to get it out, knowing I was home alone. When it was done, I walked out to see my mother on the couch who said, "I know masturbation is normal, but please try to do it while we're not here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 995

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 17:58 - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 739

You deserved it 4 340

By wellfuckyoutoo - 24/11/2015 17:45 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 642

You deserved it 1 741

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 17:46 - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 120

You deserved it 2 192

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 03:36 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 822

You deserved it 3 281

By Lily - 21/02/2009 11:22 - United States

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 407

You deserved it 3 249

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 657

You deserved it 3 313

By Titi14 - 04/03/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 512

You deserved it 25 893

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 594

You deserved it 15 593

By Mellamononeyobiz - 13/01/2016 02:10 - United States - Hooper

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 075

You deserved it 1 615

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Top comments

lelo_lala 0

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:05

You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.

eric237 0

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:05

this fml makes you sound like a rapist

LockonStratos_fml 3

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:05

YDI, never do anything drunk. NEVER! Especially with a woman that you love.

ccftw 0

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Sunday 18 April 2010 11:53

ouch!! D:

MrBond007_fml 6

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Monday 24 January 2011 9:21

I say ydi because you loved a woman, thatcan never end well

MrBond007_fml 6

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Monday 24 January 2011 9:22

I feel like I should elaborate, love makes you do stupid things

live2swim 5

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Thursday 5 January 2012 21:57

1. Bad idea to ever get drunk on a first date 2. Why were you driving if u were tht drunk....

TurnpikeTwister 0

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Thursday 1 March 2012 6:43

What the Hell OP, you're lucky if she even speaks to you again...

gree_fml 11

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Thursday 27 September 2012 11:21

He'd be lucky if she's ever able to turn her neck again...

eric237 0

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:05

this fml makes you sound like a rapist

sexynerdsquad 2

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Thursday 19 January 2012 3:13

he probably is ?

lelo_lala 0

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:05

You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.

arstef90 5

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:05

how drunk were you? that's a TERRIBLE idea!1

kspy 0

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:06

when is twisting someone's head EVER a good idea? YDI idiot.

Tigertnt 0

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Thursday 20 May 2010 22:13

when its a... FATALITY!!

elegantlywasted1 3

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Monday 31 May 2010 9:13

hahaha hopefully it doesn't sound like it was a flawless victory :-p

Jaywin 3

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

imperfections55 1

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Friday 22 June 2012 17:21

Wow, so you dont love your mother? Or how about your best friend? Love is an emotion there is no rule book about when it can be applied.

SammyS2012 21

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 5:09

I loved my boyfriend before we started dating. 3 years later I still feel the same

rose5171 0

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:07

oh god hope she was drunk too so it didnt hurt her as much :-p nice going...do you still have a gf after that?!!

LockonStratos_fml 3

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:09

#2 Why is everything a guy does to surprise a woman rape these days? * pushed my gf in a hot make out session against the wall to imitate the movie scenes. - THAT'S RAPE CALL THE COPS!!!!!!!!! * Did some domination sex and knocked out my gf - THAT'S RAPE CALL THE COPS!!! The 2nd one I never read here, but jeez lay off with the rape accusations. Especially as something as normal as a surprise kiss on a date.....

mikaela33194 0

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:09

Maybe she should brace herself for your kisses.

rebekahah 7

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 5:41

hahaha!!!!

RHOPKINS13 2

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Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:09

It had to be done... Today, I went out with a guy who I really love. We arrived at my house and before I got out of the car, he attempted to kiss me. Still drunk, he grabbed my head and twisted it when he kissed me. I'm now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML Yeah, that's definitely a F Her Life.