Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
trackrunner525 0
lmao, i don't think theres gonna be a 2nd date
jatta1930 0
You sound like you're twelve
soitgoes19 0
does this mean you were driving drunk?
hotwired78 0
thats why you get HER drunk... not you...
twilighter_644 0
more like FHL YDI for driving drunk
burgessc2 0
first you're a moron for trying to kiss someone you love while drunk and second you're a moron for driving drunk.
fml0rjs 0
you sound like a creepy mofo. in love without ever having kissed (at least it sounds like you never have)?
laestrellita 0
F*** HER life man. She came home, only to have her drunken boyfriend twist her neck. Save the romanticism for when you're sober.
im4evaonyomind 0
So how far into this kiss did u realize you had broken the poor girls neck? Lmao to #3 & #8. And #14 is the rapist everyone needs to be looking out for. lol.
friedkabob1225 0
and now she has an excuse not to go down on you