Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
boarder3 0
Wow, you def deserved that one. Driving drunk automatically puts you down as an asshole in my book. I guess it's better tho that the neckbrace was the only thing she needed after driving with you.
Jaywin 3
#61- Yes that's what I meant. Thanks. #44/yesmy_love...you pretty much proved my original statement by telling a story about how you were INVOLVED with someone you loved. I said "You can't be in love with someone you're not with" and you went on to tell a story about how you loved someone you were with. I never said that you had to stop loving them the minute you break up. I was just speaking about situations such as the OP's and other people on this site, who claim to "love" someone that they've never had any emotional or semi-romantic encounter with. And no, I don't believe you need a specific label but I do think love can't exist as a one-way street (yes I am saying you can't love someone who doesn't love you back. If you "love" someone who doesn't reciprocate the feelings to you, you're enamored not in love). And I believe love can sprout and form in the most crazy of places and experience so I wouldn't call myself close-minded about things like that. I'd just say I'm more weary and cautious about using powerful words like "love" without 100% meaning them completely. It keeps me and other people out of trouble.
ilikerainbows 0
I'm with #57, if you were driving drunk, which means you are the world's biggest idiot, then at least you didn't kill her. You could have done much worse damage. To her and others. People like you ruin drinking for the rest of us.
eleanor_rigby 0
You deserve it for drinking and driving. Moron.
dnm 0
If you were in fact drinking and driving, I hope you die. Have a nice day. :)
npk1112 0
I seriously hope you get charged with assault AND drunk driving and get prison time. You are a ******* moron.
megs8907 0
True #21, a friend could have been driving them both home... But i'm not sure if this FML is believable If it is, then what a dumbass.
noclevername 0
"We got to her house. She got out of the car." Unless you were walking from there to your house, and she was stone-cold sober, you're both idiots. I don't wish to sound preachy, but Jesus Christ. Operating something big that kills people while drunk makes you an obnoxious, selfish person, at best.
Socrates_fml 0
Some people aren't meant to reproduce. You're a perfect example of how stupidity weeds itself out
alphabetcity 0
AHHAHA Im sure she'll still give you a chance after she tells everyone that you put her in a neck brace trying to kiss her.