Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (180)
laestrellita 0
People, read the FML. Nowhere in it does it say "I drove her home".
cynthiaF 0
YOU should read the FML. it says " BEFORE SHE GOT OUT OF THE CAR" ... "STILL DRUNK."
SayPeanuts 29
Could have been the back of a taxi.
AnneFTW 17
Wow why'd you get so drunk on date if you wanted to impress her..? & why were you driving if you were so drunk that you couldn't even kiss her?
amandapanda1001 0
I'm assuming he's a virgin and he had to get drunk for the attempt
yesmy_love 0
nah dude. i feel for you! hopefully once her neck heals you can try again. and definitely remind her that she's still beautiful even with a neck brace! drunk accidents happen.... hopefully she can laugh it off... if i liked the dude enough i'd be able to laugh it off. GOODLUCK KILLAAAAH!
adam10_fml 0
Drunk driving, always cool
yesmy_love 0
OH and PS. whoever said you can't love someone unless you're with them.... you're a f*cking idiot.. just stop talking now.... and also, the OP never said he was the one driving. they could have been in a cab... or a sober friend could have been driving. way to jump to conclusions people.
boone_fml 0
maybe if you really really REALLY loved her, you wouldn't have hurt her neck.
satanicminnow1 1
#25, STFU and GTFO. #6, amen brother!
dearViena 0
next date: murder.
Jaywin 3
#25 You obviously don't understand love or you have a very lax definition of it. You can't truly love someone you're not with. No one can look at someone they have a crush on and honestly be able to say "Wow I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with them." If you believe that you're a naive little person who will have their world crushed sooner or later by throwing out the word "love" too much. Edit: I mean ROMANTIC love by the way. Not friendship love or family love.
pancakelover 0
Smooth Operator