Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
happyvalleygirl 0
He could have had a designated driver. Everyone's so accusatory these days.
Albsj11 0
hahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
mattmag 0
I hope you weren't driving drunk. If so, you deserve something far worse than a brace around your neck. Like a noose.
Shinyminey 0
Stop trying to be Chuck Norris when you're drunk. Otherwise this happens :)
awesor 0
so...you drove drunk huh? dumbass.
oloie 0
you idiot.. why in gods name were you driving drunk... you could have done much worse then break her neck... you could have killed her you idiot!!!
ftsk_fan_12 0
haha imagine having to explain that to the paramedics. "what happened?" "um...well a drunk guy tried to kiss me." LMAO
sjam 0
You're an idiot. I hope she dumps you.
sparda4355 0
WOW... to all you "you drove drunk" paranoid little freaks! Where the hell do you people live? 95% of people who drink have driven drunk (or impared) or do so regularly! Go to a bar you ignorant little brats! They fill up with people almost every night, the parking lot fills up with cars almost every single night, and I'm willing to bet you won't find 5 non drinking people in the bar! How the fruck do the rest of the cars get home???
fermata 0
#44 I think what #29 meant is that you can't say you love somebody unless you are or have been together at some point, as opposed to horny teenagers who proclaim they "love" someone they've only seen walking down the hallway. Sorry about your breakup, although it does sound like it ended nicely, which is not something you can say for most breakups out there.